Latest Posts by bahngarang - Page 2

A cool thing about connective tissue disorders/arthritis is you hear from your skeleton a lot more

mama is working on it 🙂‍↕️

chapter 9.0 ☆ imposter syndrome

ss: 18

wc: 862

cw: food mentions, mentions of physical fighting

a/n: I lost two years of my life trying to edit that photo if it looks bad don't tell me (also the initials l . y are l/n y/n if you're confused)

"okay, okay, hear me out," minji paused, chewing a heroically sized mouthful of pizza, holding her finger up as if to hold her place in the conversation.

it went on for just long enough to be awkward, and yn took a sip of their soda – as if they weren't already stewing in a pool of their own embarrassment at this whole situation. and it was embarrassing, to say the least. how long would it have taken them to get to this point if not for some... some bitch trying to steal their soulmates? honestly, yn thought they would have the opposite reaction to this sort of thing. the other yn – she was pretty, able-bodied from what they could tell, and she seemed remarkably put together. a far cry from their own life. she seemed to be everything yn wanted for their soulmates.

well, except for the fact that she was almost undoubtedly a sasaeng. stray kids' management had gone to great lengths not to show their soul marks, but there had been a few slip-ups over the years, and despite their best efforts, it had come out that the group were soulmates – and that there was one more person included. that came with a lot of failed attempts of stalkers trying their best to convince they boys that they were their soulmate. up until now, it had always been fairly mediocre attempts, and/or easy to see through. it was different this time, almost indistinguishable from yn's own (before the accident).

but apart from that, theoretically, she was perfect for them. and yn... wasn't. but that didn't stop the pit of frustration burning deep in their stomach – frustration at themselves, mostly, at the world, and everything else. although, that last one was the more general ire for living made worse by this whole debacle.

sometimes, privately, yn wondered if it really was just a big coincidence, if they really were their last soulmate. it just felt like they... didn't fit. and, just occasionally, they wished it was that way – although, not really. they didn't know the others, and didn't really know how to feel about them just yet, but the idea of chan being with someone else made yn's chest clench painfully.

"what if," minji started again, "what if you showed up at the company building with like, one of those massive rose bouquets and blasting a sad song on your boombox?"

"well, first of all," yn said, "where are the funds for this rose bouquet? with the price of everything these days, i'm not sure i even have enough for twelve. secondly, a boombox? how old do you think i am? contrary to apparently popular belief, i do not have a boombox. and, you know, i think security wouldn't let me within 50 metres of the building."

"darn."

the quiet clicking of lego pieces broke the silence between the poignant lack of ideas in the brainstorming session. it was difficult, coming up with a way to explain to your best friend that you'd been hiding the fact that you were his last soulmate that made you look least like a buffoon. it was unavoidable, looking like an idiot, but surely there had to be a way too minimize the damage, right?

it wasn't going very well so far.

yn sighed heavily to themselves. any angle you looked at it, it was bad. the problem being self aware was exactly that – being self aware. the second-hand embarrassment at their own actions had suddenly hit them like a freight train early that morning during classes. it had not been a pleasant day, with every free moment spent shrivelling into their own skin in a very visceral reaction. god, it was just... ugh.

the doorbell rung out through their apartment, breaking the spell that had fallen over the three of them. bingus trotted in, complaining loudly at the intrusion. his fur was all scruffed up, indicative of his 47th nap of the day that he'd just been rudely awoken from.

chika furrowed her brows, glancing in the direction of the door. "you got a package coming or something?"

"uhh... not to my knowledge..." bingus jumped up onto yn's lap, circling a few times before climbing up onto their shoulders like a parrot. chika reached over to brush his fur back into place, eliciting a deep, crackly purr as he pushed his face against her hand. "i'll go see who it is..."

yn stood up tentatively, gently supporting bingus's ass so he didn't fall off during the process, before walking over to the door, grabbing the keys off the hook next to it and unlocking it.

"hey," minho said conversationally, like he hadn't just shown up at yn's door unceremoniously.

"hi," yn mumbled, forcing the word out. they couldn't decide where to look, the doorframe taken up by not only minho, but seungmin and hyunjin as well, the other two appearing at least a little more awkward about the situation.

"we know."

< prev ☆ series masterlist ☆ next >

a/n: if you're wondering I do find joy in torturing people with cliff hangers

taglist (30/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346 @aalexyuuuhm @deuces-sunglasses @maxinehufflepuffprincess @staybabblingbaby @chimmyn0chu @maddy24207

I LOVE GNARLY and no im not saying that just because its katseye i actually genuinely like it a lot 💕

its giving dark arena, lights off, and silence, maybe some cheers...

"WHOS READY TO GET GNARLY!" LIKE TYPE SHITTTTTT LIKE THIS IS THE TYPE OF SONG TO HYPE UP THE CROWD

LIKE AN ANTHEM YK THIS IS THE GIRLS ANTHEM THIS IS TEH CVNTY SONG (sure its experimental but still i love it)

Hello please reblog this if you're okay with people sending you random asks to get to know you better

chapter 9.0 ☆ imposter syndrome

ss: 18

wc: 829

cw: food mentions, mentions of physical fighting

a/n: I lost two years of my life trying to edit that photo if it looks bad don't tell me (also the initials l . y are l/n y/n if you're confused)

"okay, okay, hear me out," minji paused, chewing a heroically sized mouthful of pizza, holding her finger up as if to hold her place in the conversation.

it went on for just long enough to be awkward, and yn took a sip of their soda – as if they weren't already stewing in a pool of their own embarrassment at this whole situation. and it was embarrassing, to say the least. how long would it have taken them to get to this point if not for some... some bitch trying to steal their soulmates? honestly, yn thought they would have the opposite reaction to this sort of thing. the other yn – she was pretty, able-bodied from what they could tell, and she seemed remarkably put together. a far cry from their own life. she seemed to be everything yn wanted for their soulmates.

well, except for the fact that she was almost undoubtedly a sasaeng. stray kids' management had gone to great lengths not to show their soul marks, but there had been a few slip-ups over the years, and despite their best efforts, it had come out that the group were soulmates – and that there was one more person included. that came with a lot of failed attempts of stalkers trying their best to convince they boys that they were their soulmate. up until now, it had always been fairly mediocre attempts, and/or easy to see through. it was different this time, almost indistinguishable from yn's own (before the accident).

but apart from that, theoretically, she was perfect for them. and yn... wasn't. but that didn't stop the pit of frustration burning deep in their stomach – frustration at themselves, mostly, at the world, and everything else. although, that last one was the more general ire for living made worse by this whole debacle.

sometimes, privately, yn wondered if it really was just a big coincidence, if they really were their last soulmate. it just felt like they... didn't fit. and, just occasionally, they wished it was that way – although, not really. they didn't know the others, and didn't really know how to feel about them just yet, but the idea of chan being with someone else made yn's chest clench painfully.

"what if," minji started again, "what if you showed up at the company building with like, one of those massive rose bouquets and blasting a sad song on your boombox?"

"well, first of all," yn said, "where are the funds for this rose bouquet? with the price of everything these days, i'm not sure i even have enough for twelve. secondly, a boombox? how old do you think i am? contrary to apparently popular belief, i do not have a boombox. and, you know, i think security wouldn't let me within 50 metres of the building."

"darn."

the quiet clicking of lego pieces broke the silence between the poignant lack of ideas in the brainstorming session. it was difficult, coming up with a way to explain to your best friend that you'd been hiding the fact that you were his last soulmate that made you look least like a buffoon. it was unavoidable, looking like an idiot, but surely there had to be a way too minimize the damage, right?

it wasn't going very well so far.

yn sighed heavily to themselves. any angle you looked at it, it was bad. the problem being self aware was exactly that – being self aware. the second-hand embarrassment at their own actions had suddenly hit them like a freight train early that morning during classes. it had not been a pleasant day, with every free moment spent shrivelling into their own skin in a very visceral reaction. god, it was just... ugh.

the doorbell rung out through their apartment, breaking the spell that had fallen over the three of them. bingus trotted in, complaining loudly at the intrusion. his fur was all scruffed up, indicative of his 47th nap of the day that he'd just been rudely awoken from.

chika furrowed her brows, glancing in the direction of the door. "you got a package coming or something?"

"uhh... not to my knowledge..." bingus jumped up onto yn's lap, circling a few times before climbing up onto their shoulders like a parrot. chika reached over to brush his fur back into place, eliciting a deep, crackly purr as he pushed his face against her hand. "i'll go see who it is..."

yn stood up tentatively, gently supporting bingus's ass so he didn't fall off during the process, before walking over to the door, grabbing the keys off the hook next to it and unlocking it.

"hey," minho said conversationally, like he hadn't just shown up at yn's door unceremoniously.

"hi," yn mumbled, forcing the word out. they couldn't decide where to look, the doorframe taken up by not only minho, but seungmin and hyunjin as well, the other two appearing at least a little more awkward about the situation.

"we know."

< prev ☆ series masterlist ☆ next >

a/n: if you're wondering I do find joy in torturing people with cliff hangers

taglist (30/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346 @aalexyuuuhm @deuces-sunglasses @maxinehufflepuffprincess @staybabblingbaby @chimmyn0chu @maddy24207

So my sister wants to start sewing more, because

a. She’s 5′ 11″ and can never find pants long enough for her legs or shirts long enough for her arms.

b. She hates synthetic fibers as much as I do and it’s difficult to find natural fiber clothes that aren’t made of cotton

c. She’s a biologist and would physically fistfight microplastics if given half a chance

So her gift from mom and dad for her birthday was a sewing machine. Not a super expensive one but a good solid serviceable one.

And recently she asked “So where do I GET wool or linen and thread that isn’t polyester” and mom was like ‘go ask your sister’

And I, of course, crashed into the group text like “GET A PEN I HAVE WEBSITES FOR U” and honestly I’m thrilled about this

but what if i read one of your fanfics and then went to your ao3 accounts and read all of your fanfics and left a comment on every single chapter of every single one and you got spam emails from all of my kudos and comments and it made you smile, what then? what if i brighten your day with my words like you did mine, what then???

chapter 8.0 ☆ bingus's big day out

ss: 11

wc: 1,800

cw: lost cat, bingus being a terror to society, (1) sex joke

yn knew immediately something was wrong when they didn't wake up suffocated by fur. it was a daily ritual at this point. bingus was their alarm, always waking them up at seven o'clock in the morning on the dot for his breakfast. he was a very fussy feline. 

the apartment felt quiet as yn went about their morning routine... too quiet. no random crashing sounds, no muffled meows from their cupboards, nothing. they hadn't realised how much they were used to all the background noise from bingus's escapades until it wasn't there. it was almost eerie.

it was when yn put his food bowl down and he didn't come that they really got suspicious. even sleeping, he had a sixth sense for food, always appearing the moment they even considered opening the fridge. usually bingus would be all up in their business while they made food – for him or for themselves. always trying to eat things off the counter, or scraps off the floor, which resulted in yn having to drag him away from things that weren't good for him many a time.

even shaking the treat bag in a couple of rooms didn't yield their black void of fur coming running.

and then they saw it – their front door, slightly ajar. yn's heart dropped, panic flooding their system. 

they turned their apartment upside down. clearing out every cabinet, ruining their very carefully organised storage closet, and completely trashing their room. still no cat. still no bingus.

yn was buzzing as they practically bolted down the hall after haphazardly pulling their leathers on, mashing the button for the elevator impatiently. the ride down felt three times as long as it usually was. even though it was less than a minute, it was almost an eternity before they could get to the parking garage under the building.

in a similar fashion, yn managed to hit every red light on the way to the park. which did absolutely nothing to aid the anxiety in their chest – who was it that had their cat? was it actually their cat? would they hold him hostage for the reward?

okay, that one was probably not going to happen, since whoever it was was so adamantly against receiving the money. but, someone out there would be that crazy over melon. someone somewhere.

it took far too long to find somewhere to park their bike, and yn stumbled, almost crashing into a bush after tripping over their own feet. luckily, no one else had witnessed that particular L, except a small magpie staring at them in a judgy way.

it was hard going at a pace above a walk, hobbling on a rolled ankle, but they managed it. not very well, granted, but after nearly two days of not being absolutely smothered by their obnoxiously overbearing cat, yn was missing him in a way that gripped their heart tight and squeezed to almost bursting. heart hammering above the sounds of their footsteps. 

and when yn finally saw bingus again, bundled up in the arms of someone that couldn't tear their eyes away from their cat to look at. and it definitely was him – the black kitty's croaky meow hitting their ears, accompanied by a deep feeling of relief sweeping over them.

it was all okay now. bingus was there, 50 meters away. he wasn't lost, he was coming home. everything was going to be fine.

yn jogged over to him, pulling out his little harness and leash they used to take him on walks, but first, and more importantly, kissing his little head and scratching behind his ears and checking him from any obvious mishaps while he yelled at them. "hi baby, yes, i know, i know. i missed you too."

"can you- yeah, thanks." the person holding bingus maneuvered him in their hold so yn could clip the harness around him.

only, bingus didn't seem to like that, protesting loudly and wriggling his way out of their arms and dropping to the ground. now, that wasn't necessarily an issue – yn kneeled down (amidst many muttered complaints and creaky joints) to do it from there... only for the cat to trot a few steps away and sit down, licking his paw in a decidedly superior way.

"don't do this right now," yn muttered, sighing and shuffling forward on their knees to repeat the action.

bingus did not like that either.

"you have got to be kidding me... i saved you from the streets and this is how you repay me?"

"he's a rescue?" the person who'd brought bingus back to yn finally spoke up, and, to their unsurprised, but growing horror, the voice was eerily similar to that of lee minho.

yn didn't look at him, they didn't want to face the facts right now until they absolutely had to. they just sat down on their knees, already beginning to feel them going numb, because good circulation was just one of the other things their body couldn't produce. "i guess. i found him in an alleyway when i was on my way to work a year ago."

"ah." there was silence, punctuated by a quiet sneeze. "so.. should we go after him?"

"probably." yn let out a quiet groan as they pushed themselves back up to standing, wincing at the pinch in their hip. "can you...?"

"yeah, we'll help."

we? looking over, yn saw seungmin standing slightly behind minho, his eyes slightly red-rimmed – they guessed it was the cat allergy.

"thanks."

bingus was not an easy cat to catch. he seemed to be in a particularly playful mood, staying in one place long enough for the three of them to think they had the upper hand. but no. he was fast, and surprisingly cunning for such a dumb cat. even while eating grass. yn, truthfully, wasn't able to help much – more used to being able to wait it out while bingus had his zoomies.

but that was in an enclosed space, where they could supervise. this was a public park, where he could get into all sorts of trouble. mostly, they just watched minho and seungmin run after bingus like headless chickens – an, admittedly, hilarious sight. with all their ailments, running... was not really something they did. only in short bursts, and with a recovery time that far exceeded the actual run time. the cost-benefit analysis was not checking out. but they were... at least trying? because bingus was not just going to get himself lost a second time. yn could deal with the consequences later.

even if they wanted to, it wasn't like they could do it anyway. after only a few minutes, they were panting and wheezing like a dog, a metallic tang creeping into their mouth. yn's legs were screaming at them, begging them not to move any further. and at this point, it was either listen, or stay in bed for the next week or so, which wasn't exactly ideal. they were surprised they'd even managed to run this long in the first place.

yn sat down heavily on the grass, and it took a good ten minutes or so to get their breath back, and for their heart to stop thumping against their ribs. bingus had still managed to evade capture. minho and seungmin were... trying their best. he was a difficult cat, yn couldn't blame them.

it took... a while – but eventually, minho managed to pin bingus down, and yn booked it across the park to wrangle him into the harness.

now, the black cat was loudly complaining to anyone who would listen that he had been kidnapped, and was being held hostage by these awful people, and they were torturing him by not letting him roam free in the wild. from the cat who had to have his dinner at 7 pm on the dot, who had to eat it with his owner or he wouldn't touch it, and had a bedtime. he was a spoiled brat, he just liked to cosplay as a rebel.

"sorry about that..." yn mumbled sheepishly. bingus's leash was tied around their waist so he couldn't get far. hopefully he would give up trying to test its limits soon.

minho shrugged next to them on the park bench. "do you have the melon?"

yn chuckled quietly, reaching into the cat backpack beside them to pull out the fruit, handing it over to him. minho spent a few minutes checking it over, before nodding to himself, satisfied.

bingus decided to give up on his second escape attempt, flopping dramatically into yn's lap. he started purring like a motor as soon as their hand hovered over his dark fur. he acted so independent until he came into contact with anyone willing to pet him.

"he's very... friendly," seungmin commented, accompanied by a quiet sniffle. "i couldn't get him off me earlier."

"ah... yeah. sorry about that." minho reached over to let bingus sniff his fingers. "just to warn you, he-... yeah." yn finished defeatedly as the cat started gently chewing on minho's fingers. it wasn't painful, by any means – yn had experienced it enough. but it was still weird. although maybe that was just cats.

"is he like this all the time?"

"yeah. he's a bit of a freak." bingus's tail flicked as if in response to yn's words, and he chirped indignantly, standing up and climbing up onto their chest, his fishy breath hitting them face-on. "... hello?"

"yes, thank you, i love you too, baby-" bingus gently licked at their nose, his sandpapery tongue scraping over their skin. yn turned their head to get the cat treats out of their cat backpack to coax him in there, when he chose to start licking... somewhere else.

"ew! you beast!" yn exclaimed, pulling bingus off them by the scruff of his neck. "in my ear? what's wrong with you?"

"he's just showing his love," seungmin murmured in amusement.

"which, as i am very well aware, he is able to do in other ways than licking inside my ear canal like a weirdo."

"you have no respect for his weirdo spirit," minho said.

"no, I don't." as soon as yn opened the treat bag, bingus snapped to attention. they chuckled, waving it in the air and watching his eyes follow. thankfully, the usual method of placing a few treats in the bag worked like a charm and finally, bingus's overnight camping trip had been packed up.

yn stood up, pulling the backpack carefully over their shoulders as to not agitate the cat inside too much. "uhm... thanks for.. getting him back to me."

"you're welcome."

smiling awkwardly, yn turned on their heel and began walking back to their bike. already, they were over-analysing everything they said and did during that hour. it was going to be a long night.

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tag list (28/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346 @aalexyuuuhm @deuces-sunglasses @maxinehufflepuffprincess @staybabblingbaby

chapter 7.0 ☆ the lock and key theory

ss: 7

wc: 1,692

cw: swearing, food mentions, jokes about disability (from a disabled writer)

a/n: seeing my work while I'm innocently scrolling through the skz x reader tag is WILD y'all

yn's office hours were... interesting. during their first year as a part-time professor, it had initially been pretty boring. no one really came to their office. the students preferred to go to their more serious professor, as it were – and dr jang was definitely more serious and more experienced. she had more of a reputation. which was fine, yn was perfectly happy to lesson plan and do the more computer heavy side of their research in that time. they enjoyed working alone. no distractions.

the second year? not so quiet.

it had started small. justin being the main instigator. he was always one of the more outgoing ones. he came in once or twice a week, bothering them with questions about the material. things he probably could have figured out on his own, but it was kind of nice. 

now, yn had justin, and oftentimes a few of his friends, hanging out with them during office hours. doing homework, asking about assignments and essays and sometimes just yapping. and, strangely... yn liked it. sure, sometimes they had to use urban dictionary to decipher the young people language, and deal with the occasional millennial/old person joke, but it was pretty fun.

today was one of the more yappy days, clearly. justin did have his laptop out, precariously placed on his legs, but he was completely ignoring it except to make sure it didn't drop to the floor. instead, he was rambling on about how painstaking sewing beaded fabric was, and stitching and so on. don't get them wrong, yn was absolutely listening, but they were also having something close to a religious experience with today's cheesecake that dr jang had brought up from the cafeteria for them.

"–and i've already managed to break two needles on that stupid stuff, even though I spent ages unpicking the beads by hand, like, at this point, is it even worth it?"

"mmh," yn hummed sympathetically, taking another bite of cheesecake, chewing slowly. shifting on their desk chair, they crossed their right leg over their left to get more comfortable. "well, considering how much you've been talking about this for the last couple of months, I don't think you should give up now just because you're frustrated over some fabric."

justin huffed. "yeah, but it's annoying, and-" he stopped, and yn looked up at him from their lesson plan after a few moments of silence.

"what?"

"nothing, it's just..." he squinted at their knee. "has that tattoo on your knee changed? did you get a cover-up or something?"

"it's not a tattoo, it's my soul mark," yn said, before looking down at their knee in confusion. they were less averse to showing it now that it was pretty much unreadable. or... it was.

"what the fuck..." yn muttered to themselves. it wasn't completely as it was before all the knee surgeries, but it was definitely... closer than it used to be. and even through their sheer tights, they could read a few initials – b.c., s.c., and y.j.. well. shit.

"do soul marks... usually change?" justin murmured.

yn's area of expertise was not soul marks in any capacity, but it couldn't be a coincidence that the only three of their soulmates that they'd seen – and touched – were the ones who's initials they could read now. one? sure. two? weird, but okay. but three? yeah, something was definitely going on. yn hadn't heard of soul marks changing after interactions with soulmates, but then again, they also didn't know anyone else who'd had their marks fucked up, especially to the extent of their one. "uhm... not that I know of..."

"that's... weird."

"... yup."

"does it feel any different?"

"i would have noticed earlier if it did," yn replied.

"do you know why it's doing that?" justin asked curiously, leaning further over yn's desk to look closer at it.

"i... have an idea," yn said to their chagrin.

"cryptic."

"you're my student, you don't need to know about my love life," yn said. "i'm sure you have much more pressing matters to worry about. like... studying..."

"boo. that's boring," justin said, heaving a sigh and draping himself over the back of his chair.

"i feel i should remind you that you have a test next week," yn said flatly. "and while studying may be boring, it does help your results." yn left out that they had not been the most avid studier during their university years. do as i say and not as i do, right? justin didn't have to know.

not that he listened, continuing his impassioned rant about beaded fabric and other things, while yn silently had a mini crisis over the new development in the soulmate department.

"hi," yn mumbled, frowning down at the pan in front of them. they were... attempting to cook dinner, their phone set up against the back wall of their kitchen counter. but it was one of those days when they had to drag a chair into the room so they didn't have to stand up, so it wasn't a particularly nutritious meal. still better than not eating, though.

"hey." the audio from minji's end was... crackly. the connection in the gym she went to was shitty, to say the least. and she'd chosen to accept the video call while on the treadmill, which was a choice, for sure.

chika giggled quietly, and the half-drunk margherita that she held told yn she was at least a little tipsy. her location was unclear, but it was clear she'd found some room away from the main party where she wouldn't be disturbed for a while. "guess who I'm with," she hummed out in a sing-song voice, before turning the camera to bring her companion into frame.

yn, at this point, wasn't surprised at who it was. it was, in their mind, only logical – chika was at a versace event, so was hyunjin, and fate seemed to have it out for them recently, so why wouldn't it be him?

"we're hiding," chika whispered. "it's very loud. and there are too many people. i am quite overstimulated."

"hello," hyunjin said shyly, giving a small wave to the camera.

yn, for all the repressing of their feelings, still couldn't deny how cute he was. it was just one of those things. they suspected it had a little to do with the fact that he was their soulmate... but it was also just one of those things.

"so, what was the stuff in the group chat about your soul mark changing?" chika asked, a shit-eating grin spreading across her face, as if one of my soulmates wasn't unfortunately right beside her.

"shut the fuck- oh, my god, get your furry ass off my counter!" yn complained, getting up off their chair to grab bingus, who was making his daily escapade into the kitchen cabinets. honestly, they wouldn't really have a problem if it was the ones at ground level, but trying to haul the cat's fluffy body out of the top shelf of the higher cupboards every day was just... it took far too much effort. they sighed, walking back into frame, holding bingus like the little baby he was, slumping back down into their chair, breathing a little heavy. "he's such a pest."

"just grabbing your cat has you breathing like that? damn..." minji said with a slight laugh, the background noises of her running slowing down as she lowered the speed of the treadmill.

"yeah, well, health is wealth and I am dirt poor, if you catch my drift," yn said, scratching bingus behind the ears and kissing his little forehead.

hyunjin gasped from the other side of the camera, his eyes going wide. "you have a cat?"

yn chuckled, picking up their phone to hold the camera closer to their kitty. "he's called bingus. i woke up to him sitting on my face this morning."

hyunjin muttered something that the microphone didn't manage to pick up, but evidently chika found it absolutely hilarious in her drunken state. "he's so cute..."

bingus meowed gently at the camera, blinking his wide eyes innocently like he wasn't just trying to use yn's ramen stash as a cat bed, instead of literally any other surface in their apartment. he was a strange one. although, maybe that was just cats in general.

"that he may be, but he also made five escape attempts in the past hour and was sulking until about ten minutes ago because I wouldn't let him risk his life in seoul traffic," yn replied in exasperation.

minji sighed sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "you clearly don't love him then."

"yes, i hate my cat and want him to live an unfulfilling life. he reminds me of that often. maybe i shouldn't have trained him to come with me on my bike. i've given you a taste for danger, hm?" yn smiled down at bingus, kissing his cheek.

"you have a bike?" hyunjin asked.

"yeah," yn confirmed. it was pink, and had hello kitty detailing – what more could you want?

"they're objectively less safe, you know that, right?" minji said. it was a conversation they'd had many times, but it always ended the same.

"i never said it made sense," yn protested. "but, unfortunately, i don't have the luxury of being able to walk everywhere, i'm scared of cars, and me and public transport don't mix well because it's usually too busy to sit down, so... this is my solution."

"i think we should go back," chika said, finishing the conversation abruptly. "i think donatella has some attachment issues," she whispered, not that it was any quieter.

yn chuckled. "alright. see you in a few days."

minji's pout was practically radiating through the screen as she said her goodbyes, to no surprise. it wasn't just donatella versace who had attachment issues.

and so, yn was left alone with their thoughts again while they ate their noodles – and simultaneously tried to stop bingus eating them as well. hyunjin was... nice to talk with. not that they expected otherwise, but... a part of them wished he wasn't. it would have made it easier to reconcile staying away for so long.

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taglist (24/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346

LOL thanks

chapter 6.0 ☆ have you been flossing?

ss: 16

wc: 311

cw: swearing, mentions of car accidents, mentions of the french, yn is bad at feelings, teeth stuff???

a/n: 56 followers?? I never thought this many people would like my shit lol thank you guys 🥲🫶

updates are probably going to slow down a bit because I'm going back to college next week (I am writing this instead of doing my homework, how did you know?)

also the amount of research I did on dental implants for this one chapter just for the most random plot point... idk anymore

it had been... well, annoying, to say the least, the time after yn's old crowns had been removed. it hadn't been strictly necessary to go around wearing a mask everywhere they went, but it was just... weird, right? walking around with holes in their smile. luckily, it had only taken few days for the new crowns to be made – silver, this time, as recommended – and they did look pretty cool. a little cold in their mouth, though. yn supposed they would get used to it.

however, the last person yn expected to see as they were walking out of the dentist's office was... dear lord... yang jeongin. luckily, it wasn't a long interaction, or even an interaction at all, for that matter, they both just brushed past each other in the doorway. but it was enough to set yn's palms tingling, something that lasted until they made it back to their apartment.

hopefully jeongin hadn't noticed. even if he had, there was only a slim chance that he'd be able to track them down, anyway.

although there was a part of yn that wanted him to try. not that they would acknowledge it, of course, but after that interaction with changbin the other day, it was hard not to wonder what it would be like if they were to finally give in to the whole soulmate thing. maybe it would be... nice. 

but the combination of pride and shame that had welled up inside them over time stopped yn from making any move themselves. they had gotten used to being alone, and that sticky feeling of sadness that clung to them whenever they saw concert clips, or skz code, or their lives. they were better off without each other, yn told themselves.

but they weren't sure how true that was anymore.

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taglist (24/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beewilko @mythicmochi @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346

Im trying to prove a point to my mum

Repost if school has caused:

Anxiety Depression Suicidal thoughts Social anxiety Eating disorders Self harm Stress

chapter 6.0 ☆ have you been flossing?

ss: 16

wc: 301

cw: swearing, mentions of car accidents, mentions of the french, yn is bad at feelings, teeth stuff???

a/n: 56 followers?? I never thought this many people would like my shit lol thank you guys 🥲🫶

updates are probably going to slow down a bit because I'm going back to college next week (I am writing this instead of doing my homework, how did you know?)

also the amount of research I did on dental implants for this one chapter just for the most random plot point... idk anymore

it had been... well, annoying, to say the least, the time after yn's old crowns had been removed. it hadn't been strictly necessary to go around wearing a mask everywhere they went, but it was just... weird, right? walking around with holes in their smile. luckily, it had only taken few days for the new crowns to be made – silver, this time, as recommended – and they did look pretty cool. a little cold in their mouth, though. yn supposed they would get used to it.

however, the last person yn expected to see as they were walking out of the dentist's office was... dear lord... yang jeongin. luckily, it wasn't a long interaction, or even an interaction at all, for that matter, they both just brushed past each other in the doorway. but it was enough to set yn's palms tingling, something that lasted until they made it back to their apartment.

hopefully jeongin hadn't noticed. even if he had, there was only a slim chance that he'd be able to track them down, anyway.

although there was a part of yn that wanted him to try. not that they would acknowledge it, of course, but after that interaction with changbin the other day, it was hard not to wonder what it would be like if they were to finally give in to the whole soulmate thing. maybe it would be... nice. 

but the combination of pride and shame that had welled up inside them over time stopped yn from making any move themselves. they had gotten used to being alone, and that sticky feeling of sadness that clung to them whenever they saw concert clips, or skz code, or their lives. they were better off without each other, yn told themselves.

but they weren't sure how true that was anymore.

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taglist (24/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346

When you see it, REBLOG IT.

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

If you ever want to talk: My Tumblr ask is always open.

chapter 5.0 ☆ jeogiyo noona hokshi namjachingu isseoyo

ss: 20

cw: swearing, nude + nipple mentions (no pictures, nothing graphic), descriptions of pain, reader called 'mama' once

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taglist (24/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic @mavischerry @hanniemylovelyquokka @143hyunes @xindremz @wynn-43 @rtyuy1346

chapter 4.0 ☆ death of achilles

ss: 9

wc: 1,143 ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cw: mentions of food, swearing, apple slander (deserved)

these types of days were some of yn's favourite days. the slow days, when they were finishing up a paper, when they could just sit at a cafe with their noise cancelling headphones and do the final editing. the days when they could rationalise buying a few too many sweet treats because didn't they deserve a reward?

it was a little less enjoyable this time, as yn had woken up at stupid o'clock in the morning and had been unable to get back to sleep, so they were at the cafe far earlier than usual, but... it was still better than having to supervise second year students fucking around in the lab.

they had learned their lesson, and yn didn't order any caffeinated drinks, otherwise their shaky hands would have been no use with their temperamental laptop. it was, admittedly, on its last legs, but after eight years it was like their child and yn was unwilling to part with it until it was really, truly, unfixable. but that day was not today.

yn fiddled with their pochacco usb absentmindedly as they read through their paper, fixing spelling errors from the words that were evidently too scientific for autocorrect to handle, no matter how many times they put it into their personal dictionary. at this point, they'd just accepted it, and were resigned to going through the entire thing. it wasn't like it was terrible, anyway, but after seeing it almost every day for the last six months it was getting a little old.

luckily, in the midst of the slow, calm morning, fate had decided to make the day more exciting. because apparently, a calm morning was not in the cards.

it all happened so fast – someone bumped into someone else, a muffled curse, and the next second, three drinks had their contents emptied onto yn's laptop.

thankfully, yn had the presence of mind to pull the usb containing their paper out of their laptop, wiping it on their sleeve, hopefully before any damage could be done. after almost deleting their entire thesis during their bachelors degree… they weren't taking any chances. so while it would suck losing the editing, they had backups, so it wouldn't be the end of the world. but their laptop?

oh, it was not having a good time.

the screen flickered a few times, before shutting down, unprompted. and yn had a feeling that this time, it wasn't powering up again, especially with all the liquid currently seeping into the hardware through the gaps in the keyboard, and dripping off the table onto the floor as well as into yn's lap.

but, of course, that wasn't the end of it, because when yn looked up at the masked face of the person who spilled all that coffee over their laptop? seo changbin.

seo fucking changbin. of all the people in south korea, it had to be one of the eight people yn was trying so hard to avoid.

they just sat there in shock for a few seconds, staring down at their soaked laptop, before he started apologizing.

"i am so sorry-" changbin started before yn cut him off.

"it's fine," they said quickly. it wasn't fine, not really, but those words came out of their mouth on reflex.

finally, yn stood up, cringing at the feeling of their damp trousers clinging to their skin, knowing it would probably stain, and also knowing that it definitely looked like they pissed themselves now.

"oh, let me," changbin said, pulling off his jacket and tying it around their waist, covering up the worst of the spill.

both of them seemed to kick back into gear at that point, grabbing handfuls of napkins to try and mop up the liquid, to marginal degree of success. in the end they were ushered out of the cafe, leaving them standing awkwardly on the pavement outside, while yn tried to not make eye contact with the billboard showing a close up of changbin's face. it was like the universe was taunting them.

"sorry," changbin apologised again. "i could pay for the repairs, if you want…"

"you don't have to," yn replied, turning their gaze down at their shoes, and shifting their weight over to their new cane – which didn't start creaking immediately, a definite improvement from the last one. "it's pretty old. i'm not sure it can be revived another time."

"i'll buy you a new one, then."

"no, you don't have to do that," yn protested, but they got the idea that it would need a lot more to convince him not to.

"why is your laptop called achilles?" changbin asked, bemusement evident on his face.

yn shrugged. "when i was setting it up, you could name it... for, like, bluetooth or something. one of my old friends named it."

"right..." he replied, clearly not understanding.

yn laughed quietly to themselves, the conversation going quiet again as the pair walked into the electronics store. at least they had an idea of what they wanted – yn had become quite aware over the last few months that their laptop was... close to death, and had been preemptively window shopping for a new one, so they just made a beeline for the one they'd been looking at.

"not going to milk this for something more expensive? like a macbook?"

yn shot changbin a withering look. "macbooks suck. they lose battery in, like, 20 minutes, then they overheat when you charge them. the layout is awful and completely different from almost every other laptop for literally no reason and they're so expensive for what? to be unusable without a software update that makes everything worse? spare me."

changbin muffled his laugh behind his hand. "all my friends are weird about iphones, too. they're so much worse, i don't get it."

"right? i just want a good device, and apple is worse than everything else, as well as being way more expensive. the hype is completely undeserved."

"so... this one, then?" he asked, pointing at the model they were standing in front of.

yn nodded. it wasn't the best, or most expensive, but it had all the things they needed, and it weighed less than seven bricks, as minji had so aptly put it.

it didn't take long for the new laptop to be purchased, and changbin handed it over with a new litany of apologies. yn accepted it with an embarrassed smile, unable to stop the hitch in their breath as their hands brushed his.

"i, um... thank you," yn muttered out, averting their gaze. they felt the tips of their ears heat up, in a way that had nothing to do with the weather, accompanied by a sinking feeling in their gut. somehow they knew that it was going to become a lot harder to hide from their soulmates from now on.

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a/n: is this a weird plot point? maybe. but I have free will and I can write what I want

taglist (18/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog @beppybeesnuggets @yxna-bliss @imeverycliche @brbwritingfanfic

chapter 3.0 ☆ changed numbers

ss: 12

cw: mentions of underwear pic (no image), yn being stupid, suggestive mentions of boobs

a/n: yes I did accidentally post the unfinished version earlier because my finger slipped which is turning out to be a common theme here

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a/n: any guesses? 🤭

taglist (14/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627 @4ng3l-ch1ld @vitaniangel-blog

NAAWWW I THOUGHT I SAW A CHAPTER UPDATE...BUT IT WAS A MIRAAAGE

LMAO

it was real lol 😭 but accidental

it's nearly finished I promise but I pressed the post button instead of the edit button because my hand eye coordination is complete ass

there will be an update today tho 🙂‍↕️

I guess we'll find out 👀

chapter 2.0 ☆ a disturbance in the force

ss: 12

cw: angst, (internalised) ableism, reader feeling insecure, food pictures, (1) suggestive message

a/n: to all my fellow disabled friends out there struggling with self worth – you're enough, and I love you ♡

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taglist (12/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627

chapter 2.0 ☆ a disturbance in the force

ss: 12

cw: angst, (internalised) ableism, reader feeling insecure, food pictures, (1) suggestive message

a/n: to all my fellow disabled friends out there struggling with self worth – you're enough, and I love you ♡

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taglist (12/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog @geni-627

chapter 1.0 ☆ these fucking kids

ss: 18

cw: swearing, mentions of (bottom) surgery, mentions of food, slight suggestiveness (nothing graphic)

a/n: finally into actual chapters lol. click for quality

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taglist (11/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk @bangchansgirlsblog

🤭🤭🤭

giggling and kicking my feet at these tags

chapter 0.75 ☆ my destiny

ss: 18

cw: mentions of covid, mentions of vomiting, coming out (accidental), friendship + family issues, doctors being assholes, medical angst, dividers between time jumps

a/n: yes there's another backstory chapter lol. 0.5 was getting too long to fit it all. click for quality

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a/n: are all the trials and tribulations from experience?... no comment

taglist (10/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk

chapter 0.75 ☆ my destiny

ss: 18

cw: mentions of covid, mentions of vomiting, coming out (accidental), friendship + family issues, doctors being assholes, medical angst, mentions of food, dividers between time jumps

a/n: yes there's another backstory chapter lol. 0.5 was getting too long to fit it all. click for quality

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a/n: are all the trials and tribulations from experience?... no comment

taglist (10/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial @tearsofgenshin @tirena1 @cowboylikemalika @d3kstar @heyheyitsmk

Hi! Could i please be added to the taglist for U? Sorry if i missed a form or something, didn’t see it on the masterlist

yes you can!

there isn't a form as of yet, you didn't miss anything :)

chapter 0.5 ☆ first light

ss: 19

cw: a whole bunch of time skips (divider between time jumps), mentions of injuries, mentions of food

a/n: catch up chapter which is turning out to be longer than expected

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a/n: I am a strong believer that bang chan is a '😂' warrior

taglist (5/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance @0sunshinecryptid0 @idiotmaterial

Please stop trigger tagging with #epilepsy tw/cw/warning/etc.

I need every single person to understand how horrible tumblr’s tagging system is

I go into the tag for epilepsy and its all flashing lights. We can’t use our own tag because people without epilepsy fill it up with improper warnings.

Use ‘flashing’ in place of ‘epilepsy’ in your tags. You aren’t warning people of epileptics, you’re warning us of flashing lights. Please please tag properly. Epileptics say this endlessly and constantly and it’s ignored. You are risking lives by doing this.

Here’s proof of what I mean:

THIS POST IS 100% OKAY TO REBLOG, I ENCOURAGE PEOPLE WITHOUT EPILEPSY TO ESPECIALLY DO SO!

how I feel when I look at people's profiles to see that Real Adults are following me/on my taglist (I am also (technically) an adult):

chapter 0.0 ☆ end of beginning

ss: 11

wc: 471

cw: mentions of + jokes about car accidents, mentions of comas, medical inaccuracies probably, angst, graphic description of pain? idk i'm just writing what a flare-up feels like to me

the main thing yn felt was pain. pain in her knee, pain in her jaw, and pain everywhere else. the meds barely took the edge off.

thankfully, her parents had managed to get her a private room, so yn didn't have to listen to other people, but in a way it made this whole thing worse. maybe it would have been a little better if she didn't feel so alone in her grievances.

she just wanted to sleep, to get away from reality for a little bit – but being away from home, in hospital of all places wasn't helping. the weird, bleach-y smell lingered in her nose, and the irregular beeping of her vitals was drilling a hole into her skull. not even holding the pathetic excuse for a pillow over her ears drowned it out. it was too uncomfortable a position anyway, especially since yn could only lay on her back so she didn't put pressure on her knee, or her jaw, or the many other injuries she'd sustained from the crash. the restlessness gradually seeping into her bones didn't help anything either, and yn knew it would only get worse over the months she'd need to heal.

at first, yn hadn't realised why she'd woken up in hospital, to a jaw wired shut, and a leg brace, and pain burning up her insides.

and then, she remembered.

crossing the road, alone, in the dark. the screeching of the tires as the car rounded the corner. standing, frozen, like a deer in headlights, and the blinding pain that spread like lightning through her body as she hit the ground, before blacking out.

due to some cruel twist of fate, she'd woken from her coma on what would have been her day off from training. all in all, not the most innocuous of days, but it meant that chan was there. him and his little, worried face, wasting his time on her. although, yn supposed it was better that she'd woken up then, so that he didn't have to spend the whole time just watching her, unconscious. and, well, it was nice having a friend around during the panic of the first moments of wakefulness.

but now, she was alone again. nothing to do but try desperately not to think about the accident, or the pain, or chan's little, worried face… it didn't really leave much. and those things were pretty hard not to think about when it felt like the images kept resurfacing in her head in a constant loop, a grim picture book, over and over – and the pain, a cloying caramel clogging up her insides and sinking its claws into her body, flames blazing.

yn just wanted sleep. but tonight, sleep was not her friend. and, to her reckoning, it wouldn't be for a long while.

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taglist (3/50): @sunfk88 @estella-novella @boo-ven9eance

Hello. Can I be added to the taglist for U (feat. Tablo)? Please and thank you

yes ofc 🙂‍↕️