Y’all. You Guys. I’m Sobbing Over This Lyric From I Can’t Help But Wonder

My favorite parts of the Iliad now that I’ve finished it for the first time:

Odysseus running around beating people with a scepter (and the amount of joy he got from it)

Agamemnon prematurely mourning Menelaus, who is standing right next to him.

Zeus telling Ares he hates him the most of all his children. God damn. He really did just say that to his face didn’t he.

Diomedes being a force of nature on the battlefield

Diomedes being a force of nature on the battlefield and everyone still treating him like he’s their annoying little brother who they unfortunately sometimes have to kind of listen to.

Diomedes.

“What are you talking about?” I laughed out loud multiple times because of this line. I don’t know what it is, but every single time it’s said I just imagine the most baffled/annoyed expression and tone of voice on whoever was saying it and I just. Lose it every time.

Helen being extremely passive aggressive the entire time she’s on the page. Seriously love her.

Helen believing her brothers didn’t come to war because they were ashamed of her, not knowing they have been dead for some time. It hurts and I love it.

Odysseus and Diomedes being sent on a spy mission and deciding that, after getting information from the Trojan spy, they are going to go to their camp and steal some horses. (And a chariot. And some armor, I think???) Utter chaos. They did not have to do this. This was A Choice.

Them coming back after stealing said horses and NOT A SINGLE PERSON QUESTIONS IT. IMPLYING THIS IS A NORMAL THING FOR THEM. AND THEY JUST,,,,,REGULARLY DO SHIT LIKE THIS.

Athena helping them.

The Trojans being annoyed with Paris

Nestor kicking Diomedes awake, who is, for some fucking reason, sleeping on the ground (?????)

Nestor.

Nestor going on long winded rants about His Day and his exploits. And everyone just kinda has to sit and listen to him talk.

Poseidon causing an earthquake so extreme Hades worried he was going to expose the underworld.

Artemis calling Apollo a baby for not wanting to fight Poseidon

Apollo ignoring her entirely. Peak sibling energy.

Achilles calling Patroclus’ ghost “true heart.” I know what you are.

Athena helping Diomedes in the funeral games.

Athena getting so mad Apollo made Diomedes drop his whip during said games she sabotaged Eumelus and made Diomedes’ horses run faster.

Antilochus threatening his horses into running faster.

This working.

Odysseus and Ajax wrestling and being so evenly matched that everyone gets tired of watching.

When they get up for round three Achilles telling them to “put not eachother further to such cruel suffering.”

The idea that Achilles was so sick of watching them that he compares it to actively being in pain.

Odysseus praying to Athena for help when he’s loosing the footrace.

Athena actually helping him.

Athena sabotaging Ajax and making him slip and fall face first into dung.

Ajax saying Athena hovers over Odysseus like his mother. Everyone finds this hilarious. Odysseus does not disagree.

Diomedes continually aiming at Ajax’s neck while fighting for a sword and armor. They are stopped by the rest of the Achaeans in fear for Ajax’s safety.

Yea, I’m convinced the Iliad is a comagedy. A comedic tragedy. A tragic comedy?

dick grayson (5’10” with the body of a gymnast): this is my baby brother!

jason todd (6’3” brick wall of muscle): …hi

***

cass wayne (5’5” with the body of a dancer): little brother!

jason (almost a whole foot taller than her): hiya cass

Helena Bertinelli 🤝 Stephanie Brown

Gotham purple-clad female vigilantes that started off unaffiliated with the batfam due to their families criminal pasts and ended up being treated like shit by Bruce while working with him.

The batkids love “Uncle Ollie” because he’s the cool uncle who comes over and randomly throws things at them to catch in increasingly tricky intervals.

They’re flipping backwards over furniture trying to catch random little darts constantly whenever Oliver’s there to talk to Bruce about JL stuff. They need to catch the thing, which drives Bruce quietly crazy even as he acknowledges it’s a useful test of reflexes.

Uncle Ollie sometimes gets bold enough to try and throw shit at Bruce. This isn’t a good idea for several reasons.

…so now the noble swineherd, clinging fast to godlike Telemachus, kissed him, as if he’d escaped dying. // Odyssey, 16.19-25

I felt the need to make this.

The Batkids play a game called “Guess Who Bruce Is Disappointed In Today” and it is a bloodsport.

It started as a joke. It is no longer a joke.

Every morning, without fail, one of them walks into the kitchen and says:

“Guess who Bruce is disappointed in today?”

And they all take turns guessing based on crime alerts, nightly patrol rotations, and vibes.

It’s become a system.

It went like:

Jason: “I knocked out a senator by accident. My odds are high.”

Tim: “I drank seventeen Red Bulls and fell asleep on top of the Batcomputer.”

Damian: “I released three bats into Gotham General Hospital as enrichment. They were bored.”

Steph: “I called him ‘Brucie’ in front of a senator.”

Cass: Just raises a finger and shrugs.

Then Bruce walks in, dead silent, pours his coffee, looks at no one, and walks away.

Tim: “It’s Jason.”

Jason: “DAMN IT.

Rules:

If you guess wrong, you have to do patrol with Damian and listen to him rant about the superiority of traditional swordsmanship for two hours.

If you guess right, you get to choose the movie on family movie night.

If Bruce is disappointed in himself, everyone gets ice cream. That’s the law.

It got so serious they made a whiteboard. Labeled it: “DISAPPOINTMENT LEADERBOARD.”

Top scores:

Tim (17 correct guesses, possible mind reader)

Cass (14, reads vibes better than Google Translate reads Latin)

Steph (11, mostly via chaos intuition)

Jason (2. constantly thinks it’s him. It often is. But not always.)

Damian (0. refuses to acknowledge he is ever the cause)

One time Dick guessed correctly for the first time in 3 months and everyone clapped.

He cried.

Alt. Version: Guess Who Bruce Is Proud Of Today.

Game cancelled due to lack of data.

When people debate who the most fucked up member of the bats is, they either pick Bruce or Jason. Rightfully so, of course. But neither of them are correct.

Cassandra fucking Cain has been coasting by undetected for YEARS. That girl might lowkey be the most fucked up hero in DC, and that's saying something.

Everyone is aware of how anal Bruce is about the no kill rule, but nobody talks about how Cass takes that to the extreme.

She broke into a maximum security prison to free a child murdere who received the death penalty. She didn't even know him. She broke through a secure facility to free what is arguably the definition of human scum because she doesn't agree with his sentencing.

I mean, yes, fuck the death penalty, the state should never have the right to kill people, and the fact that many end up innocent is horrifying, but that man was unrepentant. And he was locked up, he didn't even escape. Cass places her morals above even the law

And I can't find the panel, but I'm 99% sure she took multiple bullets to protect a rapist

Also, she had a major breakdown when Kate killed clayface, which is valid sure but Kate genuinely saved lives there. Cass would've been fine if they died so long as nobody wearing the bat was a murderer.

People rag on Bruce for only seeing the world as black and white, but Cass' world view is way more strict and rigid. She makes Bruce seem lax about it

Together.

Batgirl (2000) #67 // Batgirl (2000) #27 // Batgirl (2000) #18 // Batman and Robin: Eternal #3 // Truth & Justice #16 // Batman & The Outsiders (2019) #9 // Batgirl (2000) #29 // Batgirl (2000) #60 // Batgirl (2008) #6 // Batgirl (2000) #59 + Batgirl (2024) #3

Cass knows because of body language but thinks it’s the funniest thing ever and is NOT a snitch.

AU where Jason gets over his theatre-kid need for dramatics and heat never reveals his identity to the batfam. In fact, he HIDES his identity so well that no one ever finds it out. It’s been years since Red Hood popped up and at this point he’s an unofficial vigilante with crime lord tendencies than anything else

then people start getting suspect . . . But not the right thing

Red hood: *sitting, legs crossed, on a roof ledge* scare me and make me drop my book and l don’t care if you helped me with Penguin last night, I’ll throw you off this roof and I won’t give a shit Nightwing: *slowly jacks away* um. What book? Red hood: pride and prejudice. Nightwing: pride and . . . You know, my brother liked that book. Red hood: I know he did Nightwing:

Damian: *feeling uncertain with his title as Robin* Red Hood: you know, a wise kid once said Robin is magic Batman: *eyes narrow* what kid? Red Hood: eh, just someone I used to know Batman:

Spoiler: so why did ya decide to protect the alley? Red Hood: I lived there as a kid. I . . . Uh, it just means a lot to me. Spoiler: *frowning* I assumed you’d lived there. Red Hood: yeah it um . . . *thinking of Bruce* I met someone important there. He changed my life. And when . . . I, uh, lost him, I decided to clean it up. Spoiler:

Later, in the bat cave:

Spoiler: so Red Hood . . . Batman: *gravely* dated Jason. Nightwing: but he was only fifteen! Robin: *crossing his arms* people date at fifteen, Richard. Red Robin: . . . The crime lord dated the second Robin. Batman: I’m going to kill him. Nightwing: wait, no! You can’t! Jason wouldn’t have wanted it! Black Bat: he’s family. Spoiler: *jazz hands* NEW BROTHER

Red Hood: *listening in through their comms* what the fuck