carenjadee

Latest Posts by carenjadee

warmth

it’s now 3:30 am and i cannot stop thinking. i’ve been thinking about you, me, and us. i’ve thought about the bad times. arguments, our break, and scaring moments where i felt like i was losing you for good. but i’ve also started to think about the good times that knock out the bad. like cuddling in your warmth as the sun goes down, feeling how soft your lips are as they touch mine, and simply hearing your sweet voice. here alone in my bed desperately craving all of it. all of you. wishing right now to have your arms and warmth surrounding me. all i want is you. nothing else but you.

Sometimes… I tell myself I’m okay. 

          I repeat it, like a mantra.

                                          I'm   okay, 

                                             I'm   o kay, 

                                                I'm   o k ay, 

                                                   I'm   o k a y.

                                     Because, I’m afraid if I stop,                                              even for a moment,                                         I will  DROWN  in all the                                            reasons I am… NOT  

stop reconnecting with toxic people from your past because you’re lonely. focus on getting better and attracting better.

artist workspace

The special golden

https://www.instagram.com/p/BoG0dAojJM0/?

list of things I want to be:

mysterious

angelic

enigmatic

ethereal

boisterous

list of things I am:

introverted

tired

sleepy

confused

unproductive

M O O D +

be·nev·o·lent

well meaning and kindly.

problem

I just add on to all your other problems. I make you down constantly. your life would be so much easier if I wasn't apart of it. you don’t deserve this, you deserve someone better. someone who doesn't add on to your problems. someone who makes you happier not down. you deserve someone who isn't me.

I’m sorry I'm like this but I can't help it. I constantly think of why. why me? why does he love me? and I can never understand why. I'm not good for you. you shouldn't have to deal with this constant pain and burden of having to deal with me. I'm sorry.

incredible

to fall in love with someone who’s been your best friend since the beginning, could be the best way to fall in love. to be in love with your best friend you feel as if this is the person who you want to be with for the rest of your life. you know how they are when they’re mad, upset, happy, and excited. you get to grow and change with them throughout the years you’ve been friends and till the end. to have a person like that in your life is a blessing, and will give you the most incredible feeling ever. the memories you’ll make with them will just remind you how happy they’ve made you and will just remind how you’re best friend is also the love of your life.

XVIII

“And like the moon, we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again.”

— Excerpt #148   (via loveage-moondream)

exhausted

im tired of people assuming somethings about me, sure it may be a bit true but it isn’t the whole truth.

im tired of people telling me what to do or think, i dont need your opinion and please just let me do what i want to do and what i think is right. if you don’t agree that’s your own opinion and im not stopping you, i just don’t give a sht.

but what im most tired of is the people in i considered my ‘friends’, i ask for your help yet all that ends up happening is you judge the way i think or do things. so please if you can’t handle me then just please leave im totally okay with not having you as my ‘friend’

Rad Comrad’s Red Rose Bloom gif made transparent by Transparent-flowers.

Kendrick Lamar, SZA - All The Stars

like lovers do - igor oro

I loved the way the sun wrapped around you, like a dress woven from strands of light.

I loved the way you stayed close to me, as we held hands walking the empty streets at night.

I loved the way your eyes glimmered with hope, like a diamond pulled from the earth polished for the first time, or the way your smile could break through the eyes of the blind.

I loved your innocence, untainted by time and inbound by fate.

I loved your curiosity, and how you were cautious enough, enough to know what’s at stake.

The only problem was I was too used to heartbreak.

I became best friends with disappointment and I lost my belief in fate. So familiar with bad timing, I was always at the wrong place, until i realized I couldn’t go on seeing you as just a friend; I got so good at telling lies that even I started to believe them.

So now I’m gonna out my heart on the line and speak from my soul to let you know that your touch is really the only thing I can feel anymore. The glisten in your eyes, is the only thing I can see anymore. I wanna bring you close and whisper in your ear like lovers do, these soft spoken words weighed down heavy with truth.

Because honestly, all I want is to hold you as the sun goes down and not let go until it comes back up. I wanna be that warm connection that you crave whenever you feel a certain touch, I wanna be that rush of adrenaline that envelopes you as you get close enough to the climatic peck of a moment you’ve never felt before, that heavenly moment when you can’t take it anymore, then I want to be arms you fall into as you slip into a peaceful sleep, relieved of all that tension; let your guard down I’ll be your wall of protection. I wanna be the ship to steer you in the right direction, and if ever you should hit an iceberg and feel like you’re about to drown, I’ll be the cocoon of oxygen that surrounds you; Breathe me into your dreams, I want to be the seams that bind all you emotions together, I wanna be your fantasy, your idea of forever, I wanna be the roof over your head to shelter you from the rough weather, I wanna be the guy that sweeps you off your feet; I wanna be the pair of eyes you suddenly meet in a crowded place, I want to be the face of everything you’ve ever though you didn’t deserve, the voice of everything they said you couldn’t achieve.

Because the truth is..

You can become anything you dare to believe.

But most importantly..

I want you to know..

That even though this love of our might not have lasted. I would still walk with you to the end of the world..

And then past it.

years

why am i thinking about you? why are you in my head after all these years? i’ve let it go, the memories, everything. so why is it that any little thing is making me think about you?

people come and ask me “have you had your first love” then first thing that comes in mind is you. yeah you probably weren’t my first love but then i think, what if we never ended things? what if i never ended things?

but we’ll never know because you obviously don’t think about me and wonder about these things. plus you’ve moved on.

puzzle

in the beginning

you were a a puzzle.

unable to figure you out

like a mystery nobody has solved

you were quiet, but then

we’d talk at night until later we’d realized the sun has come up.

you’d made me think about

the charming efforts to get my attention & im here thinking why? why me?

i was surprised, the man who was a puzzle

was finally figured out, but by me.

as we were getting older, you made me think about the clear road ahead of us.

the future i was ready for because you were there with me

now here at the end

and im here by your bedside

reminiscing of our young & reckless selves, as you fall asleep for the last time saying

“you finished your puzzle.”

~c.e