TXT Soobin Hard Thought Visualizer

I love it when writers can manage to write a intimate scene that is so sweet without having to overly explain that they are being sweet to each other. And this one does that SO WELL. This is so cute and i loved it<3

stray kids fic-mas: day 8

pairing: minho x afab!reader

genre: smut, fluff, 18+ (minors dni)

summary: you have a cozy christmas morning with minho.

length: 1.1k

warnings: food mention, christmas mention, profanity, suggestive/sexual content, no sub/dom dynamic, grinding, unprotected sex (please wrap before you tap), cream pie, praise, pet names, afab reader, nsfw 18+ (minors dni)

ficmas 2022 masterlist

you stir awake when you feel a soft a kiss on your temple. your eyes slowly blink open and get adjusted to the dim morning light coming in through the window. breathing in, you take in the smell of a candle that smells like pine trees. but there's something else. maple? vanilla? coffee?

once your eyes are fully acclimated, you see minho sitting on the edge of the bed next to you, hands slowly running through your hair.

“merry christmas,” he says before placing a soft kiss on your lips.

“mmmm…merry christmas,” you say with a stretch and smile, voice still grumbly from sleep.

“i made us some breakfast. wanna have breakfast in bed? then we can open our presents for each other a little later?” he asks as he glances at the nightstand.

you follow his eyes, and you realize that’s where that wonderful smell is coming from. sitting next to you are two plates with snowflake shaped pancakes and two mugs of coffee.

you sit up excitedly with a grin as you pat the bed next to you. this is all the answer minho needs to grab the tray with the plates and mugs and carefully make his way into bed next to you.

you finish up eating and decide you're not quite ready to get out of the comfort of the bed just yet, so you both decide to snuggle up under the covers to cuddle for a little while. you're laying with your head on his chest as he traces small designs along your back, and you just chitchat.

when there's a break in conversation you shimmy yourself up a little bit so you’re eye level with him. you place a soft kiss on his cheek.

“thank you,” you say sweetly.

“i’ll always make breakfast for you, baby,” he replies with a little laugh.

“i don't mean breakfast,” you nudge him playfully. “well, yes, thank you for breakfast, but thank you for everything you do for me. you make everyday feel like christmas. but especially christmas day."

“it’s my pleasure,” he responds with a kiss to your cheek. “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

your lips gently crash onto his. they move together slowly and sensually. he teases the seam of your lips with his tongue before you grant him access, allowing your tongues to move together in perfect harmony. without ever breaking contact, you roll around so you're underneath him on your back while he rests his body between your legs, warm blankets still draped over both of you.

you continue making out for what feels like an eternity while his hands softly run along every part of your body, feeling every part of you. your fingers tangle in his dark hair. though you want to stay like this forever, you feel yourself growing wetter and more needy by the second. you rub your hips up into him, and the obvious bulge in his pants tells you he wants you just as bad. you both continue in the same motions that you have been for a while, but you each begin to slowly grind against each other, breathy moans escaping each of you during the brief moments that your lips separate.

“min,” you plead softly, craving more.

he lifts his face away from yours for a brief moment to look into your eyes, silently ask permission.

you nod to him reassuringly. “please.”

with that he carefully rids you of your clothes before following suit with his. he settles back down between your legs after he drapes the blankets back over the top of the two of you.

he peppers soft kisses all along your jawline and neck while you both start to grind into each other again, your hands softly dancing across his back. you mewl as his hard cock rubs up and down between your dripping wet folds, reveling in the way it feels as it gently rubs your clit. you feel yourself clench around nothing as he lets out a low groan against your skin when he feels out wet you are, how you're coating him in your juices. he keeps a steady rhythm for a while, gradually building both of you closer to your climax.

“min,” you interject softly, almost a whisper.

he kisses the sensitive skin just below your ear. “yes, baby?”

“feels so good…but i want you inside,” you moan quietly.

“you're ready?” he double checks, looking at your face to make sure.

“i'm ready,” you nod.

he carefully lines his cock up with your pussy before pushing into you slowly. you both moan when he bottoms out.

“fuck, you feel amazing,” he coos, barely above a whisper.

you each take a second to get adjusted before he starts his movements again, thrusting in and out of you at a slow and steady pace. his lips find their way back to yours, and your mouths move together rhythmically while he pumps into you. moans and whimpers threaten to escape from both of you if it weren't for your lips glued together. everything is slow and lazy but still so comfortable and full of passion. when minho feels you clench around him, he doesn't do anything to change his pace. instead he snakes a hand in between your bodies to rub methodical circles on your clit. with this new addition, not even a minute later, your orgasm comes washing over. your legs shake as your pussy flutters around him, fingers scraping lightly down his back. you moan against his mouth. he follows suit not long after, hips stuttering against you as he spills himself against your walls, a groan resonating from his throat. he grinds in and out of a few more times to milk your bodies of every last ounce of pleasure they have left before he pulls himself out, plopping down onto the bed next to you. he takes you in his arms and pulls you close to him, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

“i love you so much,” he states.

“i love you more,” you say with a soft smile before kissing his jaw.

you lay in his arms for a while, relishing in how warm and safe it feels to be with him.

after a little time has passed, you break the silence with a grin. “so…what do you say we get cleaned up and open presents?”

he scoffs jokingly. “was all of this that just happened not enough of a gift?”

you both laugh.

“while i will admit that was a lovely gift,” you begin. “i do believe there are some more presents underneath the tree that are calling our names.”

“will those ones be naked too?” he jokes, eyebrow raised. you roll your eyes and shove him playfully.

THIS LMFAO

when you try to reblog a post but it’s tagged “freaks dni” and your hand singes and burns like when a demon touches the bible

HIS LEGS SO LONG WTF. I WANT LONG LEGS😭

26/02/22 Yeonjun’s Tweet

거만

[TRANS]

Arrogant

I know my moots are thinking the same thing as me... 🤒

Just a flex, i just got railed to skz oddinary album 3 times in a row🥱😮‍💨<3 I do recommend 😃🤝

My number one favorite stories for real... Not only are they HELLA HOT (HELLA IM SERIOUS), but they are so accurate when it comes to how us bigger girls think and act before we come to terms with ourselves and our beautiful bodies<3

Skz317CB97's Stray Kids X Thick Reader Masterlist

I hope you all enjoy this thick reader series! It has been so much fun to write so far! There will be strong language and explicit content in every part of this series and every part will have its own individual warnings so be sure to read before consuming! If you would like to know the outfit inspiration for the MCs in each part of this series click here!

Bang Chan- Blind date

Lee Minho- Teasing Poppy

Seo Changbin- Strength Training

Hwang Hyunjin- The Set Up

Han Jisung- Movie Night

Lee Felix- Forever My Wedding Date

Kim Seungmin- COMING SOON!

Yang Jeongin- Aphrodite's Pain

**To any new followers! Thank you so much for enjoying my content enough to follow me! Be aware, if you are a blank blog and/or do not have some indicator of your age being 18 or over some where on your page you will be blocked. This is STRICTLY MDNI/18+ ONLY blog. Thank you again to anyone who reads my stories or follows me I truly appreciate it!**

TRAPPED IN BY YOU. (YOU'RE THE DRUG)

main character(s): lee know x genderneutral!reader

genre: smut (with some angst if you squint)

warning(s): cheating, implied penetration, non-explicit rough/hate sex, mentions of heavy degradation/bruising, somewhat heavy descriptions of drugs, reader is compared to being a drug, implied that lee know is abusing reader during sex but thats just wordplay in this, possible inaccurate descriptions of what a drug feels like

wc: 0.8k

special note: yes, i know the title is weird, but i like funky titles like that. i thought of this prompt when i saw a tiktok and i couldnt help of a nasty ass fic that included no other than lee know. i tried to make this as gender-neutral as possible so im very sorry if you see any female references!

lee minho, famously known as lee know, would absolutely be shunned if anyone found out what he was currently doing. it's absolutely nerve wrecking. his entire career and family would be destroyed if anyone found out.

but thats kind of why he likes it, too. the thrill. the excitement. the adrenaline. what was once a "one time thing" turned into a casual "meetup" every other weekend. it feels so bad, and feels so good.

almost like a drug, it has him trapped around it's finger.

hurriedly walking into the too-familiar building to escape from the pouring rain, he comes up to the too-familiar front desk and sliding his fake I.D to the clerk before getting the keycard to his assigned room.

it's a painful ride up the elevator. it's too slow. too nerve-racking. he wants to be shielded away from all of these security cameras and curious eyes. although he is wearing a face mask and baseball cap, his body drowning in an expensive oversized black coat, he still worries about being identified.

when the elevator dings, he rushes to the room. when he walks in, he is greeted by the too-familiar red lights. the too-familiar cage surrounding the mattress that could fit a party of six. and most importantly, the too-familiar sight of you in that cage, submissively waiting for him to join you.

this is why he actually likes it. because of you.

you are the drug that has him trapped around your finger. when he sees you in the black and red lingerie, pearls, diamonds, the black harness the gifted you on special occasions..

you have him going numb.

you are such a drug. it's just the best way he can describe you. it feels so bad to do, yet feels so good. he practically forgets that he has a pregnant wife at home, that has a fragile popstar career. when he is entangled with you in that too-familiar love cage of yours, it feels so good he wants to do more.

for once, he isn't afraid to do more. to explore himself more. he doesn't hesitate to do "taboo" deeds in the best way possible that has his brain evaporating from his skull.

he desperately breathes in your toxicity like a drug, inhaling and exhaling it all in for what could be for other people long headache prying periods of time.

when he finally exhales, he feels the 3rd eye you practically gave him. he can hear, feel, taste, see, smell everything. he can feel the way the temperature in the room spikes up almost in a suffocating manner, resulting in him tearing his (and your) clothes off.

when he takes you in his mouth, he sucks on and takes in whatever he can. knowing that it's just the beginning of him tipping over the edge, he cannot wait for the unique sensations you give him.

he laps and bites at whatever piece of you he can reach. it's so addicting, its painful. whenever a surge of pleasure runs through his veins, he cannot help the tears that form along his waterline. it's painful, but he can't stop. you're just that addictive.

like a true drug addict, he "abuses" this drug as much as possible. he isn't afraid to go over the edge, as, unlike his wife, you let him that way. you let him take out all of his anger and frustrations out on you, let him yell out profanities and venom at you. let him control over you and your body, abusing it in the way he loves, marking it red and purple.

and when you, like a drug, have completely taken over him, he cannot help but feel the absolute euphoria. he sees the stars, the true meaning of his life, the true meaning of life. when you are running through the veins of his body, riding him like some waves, he has to hold onto the cold bars surrounding the two of you to ground himself.

when you are intertwined with him in the deepest part, practically connected to each other's bodies, he cannot latch away from you. he doesn't want to latch away from you. the sheen of sweat acting as some cheap glue.

it's like this does he think he is fullfilled. it's like this does he wish that he could be intoxicated by you forever. forever being numb from all of the constant pains he receives from his "fans", the media, hell, even his wife. he wishes he could stay with you, forever.

but of course, a drug is temporary until you take it again.

in the end, when the sensations become too much and is shaking, trembling, overdosing on you, does he realize how addicted he is. addicted to you. and goddamn, does he realize he is fucked.

he got trapped in by you. you trapped him.

Damn this is a need 😮‍💨 Such good writing too😟

To Hyunjin, Edging is a Team Sport

Inspired by this lovely post, it crawled inside my brain and would not leave

warnings: afab reader, edging, unprotected sex, creampie, breeding kink and sub hyunjin if you squint but really you don't have to squint that much, light dirty talk

Smut under the cut :))

Being around Hyunjin was always hard. Dating him was difficult, and it wasn’t because of anything he was specifically doing. It’s just that. He was so distracting. Just looking at him from across the room was enough to get you going, and that had been the case long before you were together. And now that you had him? Well. It was, hard, to say the least, to keep your hands to yourself. 

Today was proving to be especially difficult in that regard. The two of you had gone out to get coffee and hopefully get some work done at a local cafe. You had gotten literally no work done, and it was all because your drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend was sitting in front of you. No matter how hard you tried you couldn't keep your mind from slipping to all of the things you wanted to do to him… all of the things you wanted him to do to you.

“Jinnie?” You mumble softly

“Yes, love?” He lifts his head to look at you, and the eye contact nearly takes your breath away.

“Do you think maybe we could just head home? I’m having a really hard time focusing here and I think I could maybe get more done if we just head back?” As you spoke, you couldn’t help but glance down at his lips and then back up to his eyes quickly, hoping he hadn’t caught your gaze wandering. 

His lips slowly pulled into a small smile, so no hope of him not noticing then.

“Yeah we can go, are you sure you’re gonna keep working when we get back though? Or do you maybe want to, ah, work, on something else?” His eyes were practically sparkling, he loved to tease you about things like this. It wasn’t your fault he was literally sculpted by the gods, ok? 

“Hmm I don’t know, it depends on how much work you’re willing to put in, love.” 

So ok. Maybe you really like to tease him back. Most of the time things start out this way, the subtle push and pull, teasing each other until one of you can’t stand it anymore and gives in. You find yourself blushing lightly at the thought of it. God, you want him so bad.

“I definitely feel like I have a lot of energy to put into the job today, if we’re lucky maybe we can make this last for hours.” 

He smiles again, quickly standing up from his seat and starting to gather his laptop and notes. You follow suit, and soon the two of you are in the car, and then walking up to the door of your apartment. Mere moments after closing the front door, you find yourself pressed against it, pinned there by your boyfriend as he leans in and starts placing light kisses along the side of your neck.

You tilt your head to the side to give him better access, and he begins to bite a little bit along with his kisses. It sends delicious shivers down your spine, and you can feel your stomach tightening already at the sensation. It really was ridiculous how fast he was able to turn you on, get you wet and begging for it. 

After a moment, he lifted his head from your neck to look into your eyes, and you felt another wave of arousal wash over you when you see his attraction to you written all over his face.

“Baby, do you think we could try that thing today, what we talked about last week?” 

His voice was soft, almost a little shy, which was something you didn’t see on him all that often.

“Fuck yes, please,” you reply, and it comes out far more like a whimper than you originally intended. But to be fair to you, last week the two of you had talked about the idea of edging each other for at least an hour, fucking each other and stopping whenever either of you was close, going until you were both needy and squirmy and begging for it, and now he wanted to actually do it? Now? You were going to die a happy death. 

He leans in, kissing your lips for just a moment before pulling back,

“Head to the bedroom?” He asks, cocking his head to the side slightly.

“Hell yes.” You giggle in response and follow him down the hallway.

Once in the bedroom, you quickly remove your shoes and socks before settling back onto the bed and waiting for him to come to join you. You’re sitting on the edge of the bed and he swiftly walks between your legs, immediately bending down to resume the kiss. 

Eagerly you wrap your arms around his neck and return the kiss, and within minutes you find yourself getting impatient. You knew what was coming, you wanted it. Wanted him.

“Jinnie please, hurry up.” You whine softly. 

He chuckles but moves to remove your shirt and push you back further onto the bed. He clearly wants this just as bad as you do, and that fact becomes clear when he grinds down on you lightly and you feel that his cock is already starting to get hard.

“Oh, baby you’re getting hard already? I thought the plan was to edge each other for hours how will we manage it if you’re already this sensitive?” You feign concern as if feeling him being affected by you hadn’t made you leak into your underwear. 

He ignores your words and begins kissing down your neck again. This time though he’s clearly intending to leave marks, and it makes heat rush through you. You love having his marks on you, you love being his in every way possible. 

You tip your head back and moan softly as he makes his way down to a nipple, licking over it gently, You know that you’re already wet enough to soak through your underwear, and it’s just getting worse the longer he stays at your chest alternating between licking and biting you all over. His long black hair brushes against your skin as he continues his ministrations, and you can’t wait to see it hanging over his face as he hovers over you, fucking you until you're begging him to cum inside you, to fill you up and make you his. 

The thought makes you whine, and this makes him stop and look up at you.

“Hm? Something especially good going on in that head of yours?” He smiles softly and it's so unfair that he can be this sexy and just plain adorable at the same time.

“Yeah,” you breathe “Just thinking about you cuming inside me later once we’re both so worked up. I bet it’s gonna be a lot, after all that edging.” 

Your words have the desired effect, as his eyes darken and his hips buck forward in response.

“Shit,” he mumbles, pulling away from you only to undo the buttons on your pants and begin to pull them down.

You wiggle out of them, and pull your underwear down as well, now fully naked and spread out in front of him.

He looks you over, gaze filling with want. It makes you impossibly wetter to see him watching you like that, and you shiver a little at the intense expression on his face.

“God, you’re gorgeous. I can’t wait to feel you clenching around my cock.” You whine in response and sit back up slightly.

“Hurry up then, take off your clothes, please?” He complies, rushing to remove his sweater and jeans, and then there he is in his full glory.

His cock is fully hard now, and its 8 long inches curve upwards in a way that makes your mouth water. Fuck you need him inside you, preferably right now.

You know he won’t have that though, insisting on fingering you to get you ready for him every time the two of you have sex and honestly you can’t even bring yourself to complain. His fingers feel so good.

He moves back so he’s resting between your legs, and slowly drags a finger across your cunt feeling how wet you are. 

“So wet for me already love?” He smiles that charming smile again and it makes your hips buck upwards.

“Please Jinnie- can you just-” 

“Yeah, I’ve got you.” He replies before gently sliding a finger into you.

It literally burns it feels so good. The moan you let out is far louder than what should be warranted by one finger but he just makes you feel so good. He begins to thrust it in and out of you slowly, adding a second finger a few moments later after you’ve adjusted to the first. He isn’t curving his fingers to find that spot within you that makes you writhe with want, at least not yet, and you’re grateful that the edging hasn’t really started at this point.

After one more finger and many more minutes of slow fingerfucking and kisses on your inner thighs, you start whining louder and louder.

“Jinnie please, I’m ready for you, I’m so ready I need you inside please.” And maybe you should be embarrassed that you’re begging already, but he always brings this out in you. Want and heat and lust, plain and simple.

He nods and removes his fingers, positioning himself over you to drag his cock along your pussy, coating it with your wetness.

He moans softly as he does so, and you feel your legs trembling with anticipation. Slowly, painfully slowly, he slides the tip into you and then stops.

Fuck. Even just the tip is enough to make you feel crazy as you squirm trying to get more of him into you. 

So slowly it almost hurts he continues to slide in, and the slow speed makes you feel insane because you can feel every ridge and vein of his cock as he fucks into you. 

After what feels like years he bottoms out, breathing deeply as he hovers over you. He’s already starting to sweat a little, and ok. Look. Maybe this is a little bit gross but nothing on this earth is hotter than Hyunjin when he’s dripping sweat, especially when he’s dripping sweat onto you as he fucks you hard, his hair sticking to his face with the amount of sweat covering it as he works to fuck you the way you want it. The way you need it.

“Shit, you feel so good around me. It’s gonna be so hard to keep from cumming, oh fuck,” he whines a little, and you can tell it’s taking a lot of effort for him to not start moving right away.

“You can move, Hyunjin, please move.”

And oh, does he move. He immediately sets a pace that's slow but intense, and for a second you’re worried you might cum on the spot and ruin the whole plan as he hits your g-spot on his first full thrust back in. 

“Fuck..” you moan, and move your legs up to wrap around his waist. 

He’s breathing hard in time with his thrusts as he continues to move, picking up speed slightly as time goes by. You’re practically out of your mind as he continues, every nerve ending in your body feels like it's sparking, and you can feel yourself getting wetter around his cock. 

A particularly hard thrust makes both of you moan out, and then suddenly he’s swearing softly under his breath and hurrying to pull out of you. You can feel his hips twitching ever so slightly as he struggles to calm his breathing.

“Oh baby, were you close already?” Some of your mocking tone gets lost in how breathless you sound, the fact that you were able to get him to the point of cumming so fast is so fucking hot.

“Ah, fuck, yeah. Just, just give me a second and I’ll keep going.” He breathes, continuing to shake slightly as he hovers over you. After another minute or so he lines his cock back up with your entrance and slowly starts to push in. 

He chokes out another moan as he goes, and honestly, the best part of this plan is how many times he’s going to get to push all the way into you after stopping for a while. You’re obsessed with how good it feels to be filled, the addictive feeling of his cock spreading you open just for him. He’s getting so deep with every thrust, hitting right on the spot that makes you feel like melting into a puddle of pleasure. You’re letting out little whimpers with each thrust, and it’s so good, it’s so good, and then suddenly he’s gasping again and pulling out.

“Oh shit, oh fuck oh my god.” He whines out and tips his head back, hips twitching with the want to fuck back into you and cum deep inside. He’s so beautiful like this, it’s your favorite way to see him. Gently you run your hands along his back as he takes deep breaths.

Eventually, once he’s calmed down once again, he pushes back in.

“Oh fuck, Jinnie, fuck.” You moan out loudly as he starts his fast pace again, this time thought he brings a hand down to your clit and begins to rub small circles on it as he thrusts.

Pleasure races through you, you’re not going to be able to last at all like this oh my god. He’s sweating more and his hair is beginning to stick to his face from the moisture, his skin is flushed red and he has an expression of pure bliss on his face. This man who looks like a literal Greek god looks on the verge of orgasm and all because he’s fucking you, and it’s suddenly too much and you’re gasping and pushing at him.

“I’m gonna- fuck-  stop I’m gonna cum Jinnie-” he quickly stops his ministrations and pulls out, and this time it's both of you shaking with the effort to not keep going, the edge so close you can taste it.

“You’re so gorgeous darling, fuck I love seeing you like this.” He runs a hand gently along the outside of your thigh as you take deep breaths and attempt to calm down. After a moment you reach down and bring his cock closer to your pussy again.

“You’re ready?” he asks.

“Yes, get back inside me please.” Both of you let out desperate-sounding moans as he enters you again. 

It’s so wet, the slide is so smooth. Getting edged always makes you literally drip with want, and you’re sure there’s already a puddle forming underneath you.

Hyunjin seems to be thinking the same thing, as he whines softly and says “Fuck you’re so wet, god, you feel so good, oh shit,” he tips his head back again and brings his hand down to your clit once again.

It only takes another minute before he is pulling out again. The next time both of you are gasping and pushing each other away at the same time, and you sit up to really look at him. He looks so gorgeous, and you tell him so. 

He’s dripping sweat, breathing hard, and shaking a little. His beautiful (who would have thought you would ever call a dick something like “beautiful”) cock is red and swollen at the tip, leaking so much precum it's dripping down the side and onto the sheets. You can’t believe that this wonder of a man is all yours.

“Kiss me, please.” He complies, leaning forward and immediately connecting your lips.

You kiss for another minute, and then the two of you are calmed enough for him to slide inside of you again.

He can’t seem to stop himself from letting out these soft, high-pitched moans with each thrust, and it's so hot it makes your head spin. He reaches up a hand to run through his hair and push it away from his face and. Oh my god. Just that action has you suddenly on the edge again, begging him to stop.

“Fuck Hyunjin you’re so hot I literally think you could look at me for long enough and I would cum.” You giggle a little as you say it, finding it ridiculous, if true.

“Do you think, this time, we could actually finish? I’m dying here I think I might cum on the spot the next time I push into you.” He says a response, and you nod eagerly.

“C’mon, get back inside me and fill me up then.” 

He does as he’s told, and now that he knows he’s allowed to cum it’s like a damn has broken inside him.

“Fuck baby, can I cum inside you please? Please I’ve been so good, I’ve been fucking you so good, can I cum? Get you all messy and full, please? Ah- love- please oh fuck-” 

Your head is spinning, getting closer with every thrust, every word he speaks. 

“Yes you can, Jinnie please cum inside me please, fill me up, oh god,” you whine, feeling your own high approaching again.

“Oh I’m- it’s happening I’m gonna-”

You watch as his features contort in pleasure as he throws his head back and cums, the feeling of his cock twitching and spilling inside you as he pumps you full of his cum is enough for you, and you follow him over the edge with a long moan of his name.

Honestly, you might black out for a second, because the next thing you know he’s collapsed on top of you softly kissing your neck.

“Are you ok there love?” He whispers.

“Yeah, you just fucked me so good I knocked out there for a second I think.” You look over to see a silly smile stretch across his face, he’s looking very pleased with himself about all of this.

You pull him in for a slow kiss, running your hands through his sweat-slicked hair.

“We have to do this again.” He murmurs against your lips.

“Oh definitely, but I wanna ride you next time.”

Whoever this anon is i despise you🫶

Is ramdan or whatever an excuse for you to not finish the series bcs a while back you said you’d release it but its not even here

theres a thing called researching love, please understand why i can’t 😭

just one yesterday - lee felix

» summary: He‘d loved you more than anything. Where you couldn’t pick yourself up, he would do it for you and never ask for anything back. In your mind, you pictured him by your side forever. Until one day, he’s no longer there.

» pairing: lee felix x reader

» rating: pg-13

» genre: angst, best friends to strangers, soulmates

» warnings: unhappy ending

» words: 2,283

» part of the you're the one series...

“Still won’t wash it huh?” if it were anyone else, you’d assume they were judging you, but Felix never really did. He’d been your best friend for years, seen you at both your best and worst yet never expected anything out of you in return.

Sometimes you wondered if you weren’t doing enough, that he was putting in far more than you, but you’d always attempt to make up for it with sporadic movie nights and dinners if your part time job had paid a bit more generously than expected.

Felix never complained about it either. He loved you and you loved him, but there was something to be said about two people never being able to love each other equally.

“I just… don’t want to,” you take the jacket from his loose grip, and it falls almost violently into your arms from your pull. He just smiles, for he knows the story from the last winter the two of you endured in this cold town, the memory of Seungmin was now a few months old, yet sometimes still lingered like a fresh wound.

Felix is turned away from you now, focused on the game he’s playing on the TV whilst you’re left to do what you want. It’s usually like this. You go over to his apartment and he leaves you to roam as if this place is your own. A lot of what you own is here anyway, just like how his hoodie is currently thrown over your desk chair back at yours, and some of his notebooks and books are laid out over the bedroom floor from late night studying.

Your lives were deeply bound but you didn’t mind it. It was nice to always have someone there, even if not physically, what he’d left was your reminder of him.

“Let’s go out,” the game is paused, something you hadn’t realised until he spoke up with that familiar deep voice that anyone that met him even just once could pinpoint for its uniqueness.

“Go where?”

“Dinner? I can pay this time,” you’d paid last time, but oddly this offer didn’t sit well with you. Felix did pay for things, but he never verbalised it out-loud. His offers were usually unspoken, said with his behaviour rather than words.

Felix’s relationship and love for you was built heavily around how he acted, rather than what he said. If you were sad, he didn’t reassure you with overused sentences that anyone would say. He’d hug you, with hugs that were specifically his, he’d kiss your forehead with a lingering touch of his lips that were truly his, and no one could replace those gestures of reassurance.

Anyone could replace words.

“Alright, I’ll just change shirt,” agreeing with Felix was always easy. His smile was the problem and you were weak to it. It’s how he’d gained your friendship in the first place, with a grin and certain charm that you couldn’t say no to, even if that particular day had tested your patience.

Felix always knew his way in through any obstacle. It could be infuriating.

There’s no trace of snow left on the ground now that spring has hit, but the air is still cold and fresh and cuts your cheek with harshness that causes them to blush. Felix links his arm with yours and the two of you walk silently through occasional crowds of people before everyone disperses down separate, less busy streets.

“You ever see him again?”

“Nah, but I’m done looking. There’s nothing I can do. It’s okay,” and it is, so all you can hope is that Felix believes you.

“You’ll find someone anyway. I wouldn’t worry.”

“It’s not that I’m worried,” you’re just worried you’ll never feel that particular pull again.

“I mean, worst comes to worse you can always date me,” his words make you stop walking, tugging him back as a result. Felix looks down at you now, and you must look so incredibly lost for he laughs and ruffles through your hair, causing you to huff. You’d spent ages getting it to stay somewhat neat, clearly in vain, “I’m kidding. Don’t take me so seriously.”

Maybe you should listen. Maybe taking it seriously is your undoing, but it’s like his words cause something to snap, and suddenly Felix takes on a new meaning to you. It’s impressive, how one sentence can alter your entire view of a person, open your eyes to something else, whether positive or negative.

It’s crazy to you, how the very idea dangling in front of you, just out of reach, is presented to you by your best friend.

And it’s crazy to you how quickly you want to jump into that notion, the idea that maybe you and Felix should.

Dinner isn’t awkward, but it’s new. You’d eaten dinner with him so often, but suddenly you’re so self aware of how you eat, what you order, how you behave. It’s never happened before, and Felix isn’t blind to it either, “you’re acting weird.”

“Am I?” the young man before you has always been attractive. You knew that with the way he’d turn heads on the street or with the amount of valentines cards that fell out of his locker when he was younger, but to you, he’d always just been Felix. A genetically gifted friend, sure, but still just Felix.

Sitting here, suddenly understanding those glances his way, was terrifying. Realising that your heart raced just seeing him stare back at you, that was the very pull that unraveled the thread to your once solid foundation of friendship.

You wished he’d never said it. You can always date me. For it led you to your next heartbreak when you realised he had feelings for you too.

Suddenly it made sense, why Felix had always given more than he took. The nights you called him at three in the morning because you were afraid or lonely, he came by without question, whilst the nights he did the same, you slept through almost every call.

You were selfish, and you knew it, yet he somehow loved you anyway, and the entire situation seemed so incredibly unfair.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” it’s the immediate regret in his voice, the way he steps back from your frame that you know nothing good can come from it. Felix had told you he loved you before, but it had been friendly. At least you had assumed so for the tones in his voice went unnoticed by you, as did the longing glances and the way he’d hesitate to reach for you, just because he desperately wanted to feel your touch underneath his fingertips.

It was unrequited, until it wasn’t entirely anymore, but even then, when he said it, actually said it, your words caught in your throat and you wondered if maybe, you weren’t ready to admit you loved him too.

For whilst you did love him, and whilst you saw him differently now, you weren’t sure if it was the same. Something bound you to feelings, his friendship with you ran so deep and meant the world to you, but now there was a set distance that you weren’t sure what to do with. You didn’t know how you felt, and before you had the chance to figure it out, Felix took it all back.

“Forget I ever said it,” but you didn’t. You couldn’t, even if you’d tried.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Your once horrid but occasional nightmares were replaced with desperate echoes of his voice, and every time the result was the same. Felix walked away and you couldn’t tell him to stay.

It hurt you to wake up, alone and hovering over the contact name that was so familiar, but he no longer picked up. The rock in your life wasn’t there to take your every call now, to hold you through every fear and it was only now with losing him that you fully realised that you really loved him too.

When Felix had told you he loved you… well and truly was in love with you, you weren’t sure if your love could be matched. Now, as twisted as it was, you bet your love rivalled his, if he even felt it at all anymore.

“I love you,” but he’s not there to hear you. You’re whispering to an empty room, and the only remnants of his are the hoodie you’re wearing, torturing yourself with and the scattered textbooks that he didn’t bother to get back from you. For he was never coming back. It hurt him too much, and he much rather avoided the realisation that you didn’t love him back than be faced with it for some books he could buy again.

It was not lost on you, how ironic it was. But each message you sent went without response, each call was met with silence, and every time you passed his apartment, there was no one to let you in.

Maybe it was naive to think that he’d open the door to you anyway. Though you’d assumed with how close you’d been, he’d miss you enough, just enough to come back to you. You just wanted him to hear you, listen to you like he always had, yet you heard nothing.

You were back to being unfair, maybe selfish, as spring turned to summer and summer became autumn, and it is only as the leaves fall in an array of dark colours that you decided that you couldn’t hope like this anymore. Felix wasn’t part of you anymore, and maybe you wanted to blame him, make it his fault for ever changing anything for you that one day he’d invited you to dinner, but you knew better.

If only you had known you loved him before he let you go.

It’s raining, the early morning winds being harsh on your frame as you hold a box, heavier than you’d like for it to be, but you know you can only make this trip once. Not only is it physically exhausting, but mentally you’re drained too.

You wonder if you should ring the doorbell, but given he hadn’t let you in for a while, you doubt there’s much point. Instead you wait, not for him but for anyone just so you can put his things down. There’s a note with his name, written as neatly as you could manage with a purple pen, a heart underneath though you wonder if that’s too much.

“You waiting for someone?” someone’s holding the door for you, though it takes a moment for you to register enough to look up at the stranger in question. He’s handsome, with dark hair going over his forehead and eyes to match. His smile is playful, rather beautiful too and your heart skips a bit, “you okay?”

“Huh?” he laughs, amused as he leans against the front entrance, holding it open for you though you make no effort to step inside. His voice is almost aggressive, but his presence is almost warm, a contrast to the cold and the way he speaks. It’s interesting, to say the least.

“I’m in a bit of a rush. In or out?” he doesn’t seem angry, though his impatience is evident in how he’s bouncing on his toes in anticipation. You realise he just came from inside, that he’s not heading in, and you wonder if he lives here too or was simply visiting someone.

You’d never seen him before, and given how often you’d been here, that surprised you.

“Yeah, in, thank you,” you push past him, ignoring the way he so obviously reads the name taped to the letter on your box of things for Felix, and you miss the familiarity of seeing the name in his eyes.

Maybe it’s best that you do. And maybe it’s best that he says nothing, only leaves you be once you’re inside.

It takes everything in you not to knock on the front door when you’re outside Felix’s door. You hear him move, know he’s there and it’s pure agony to do nothing. Yet you know if you knocked, and you know that if he answered, everything would fall apart again.

It’s best to leave it as it was now. A memory you loved and cherished, for the years with Felix holding you close had mattered so much to you. And sure, maybe if he opened the door, he’d hold you again, but he could just as easily break you more.

You couldn’t handle that now.

So you put the box down, knock on his door only once before you pull yourself away, down the stairs and back out into the rain.

When Felix opens the door, it’s to all his things he’d left behind. Everything but you, and he wonders if he’d catch you if he ran out to find you.

Something stops him. Perhaps the reminder of how long it took for him to get past it (not that he was even now), or maybe because he knew Changbin would kill him if he had to come over just one more time, to tell him that he’d be better off.

When he finally opens the note you’d left, he decides that he wants to hate you, for you’d selfishly told him the words he’d always desperately wanted to hear, but now was too late for. Even if those very words made him want to run back into your arms and forgive you for it all. At the end of the day, you were still his one best friend that he had placed above everything else.

I love you too Felix, I do.

i’m not sure if this was maybe a bit confusing on how they stopped being friends and why etc… it makes sense in my head, but any questions, feedback or comments kindly let me know x

the more I write this series the more i think i’ll be making alternative endings for each member that ends happy cause i can’t deal…

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