I Don't Wanna Love Myself Like "buy This Feel Good". I Wanna Love Myself Like I Made A Sandwich For Later

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owch

John Constantine knows full and damn well that Phantom isn't a thousands year old ghost.

He knows because, in the middle of a fight against a deranged warlock, Phantom let out a small, warbling chirp in response to getting hit.

He'd quickly covered it up, but Constantine knows that that chirp is.

It's the ghost equivalent of a baby cry.

With as uncertain and lost as that one was, it was a ghost newborn cry.

Phantom isn't even ten years old as a ghost. Constantine would ventures to say that he isn't even five.

Worse, no other ghost responded to the chirp.

Phantom is, in ghost terms, an orphan.

Which is what has led to Constantine creating a portal to the Infinite Realms, so he can walk into the Realms Child Ghost Education Resource Center and make sure Phantom gets a good ghostly guardian.

The kid's been through enough, and John's gonna make sure he gets someone good.

*Jason is captured by the JL, now sitting in the interagetion room*

Jason: -ha! good luck with that.

Hal: now listen here you little-

Dick: *storms into the intergetion room*

Dick: HOOD!

Clark: Nightwing-

Jason: oh shit- heeeeeey dickhead

Flash: you know him-?

Dick: Jay, Jaybird, Hood, little wing-

Jason: *leans away*

Dick: we all love you-

Hal: the fuck-?

Dick: but WHY THE FUCK would you skip your weakly check-in and get arrested imideatly after that?!??!

Jason: listen-

Dick: no, you listen. I had a hell of these past few hours. Dealing with a bunch of bad guys in one thing- but dealing with an army of children who are worried about you and would kill for you? Why the fuck did you think it was a good idea??????

Jason: oh, OH SHIT-

Dick: yeah, Lizzie almost had my head when she called becase you didn't check in.

Flash: am I the only one who doesn't know what's going on...?

Hal: nope.

Jason: OH FUCK *pulls his hands ot of the cuffs*

Hal: now wait a minute-

Jason: *taps his helmet* fuck, I can't-

Dick: *already has a hologram video call pulled up*

Jason: Carrot top!

A small child: Hood!

Jason, in a soft voice: I'm so sorry I didn't call-

Lizzie: helmet.

Jason: ya know I can't

Lezzie, pounting: helmet.

Jason: *hungs his head low and sighs* fine

Jason: *pulls off his helmet with a soft click and hiss*

Jason, just in his domino now: *looks up again* happy?

the JL: *absolutely bamboozled because the kid did what they couldn't do in 5 hours in 5 seconds. Also, how young is Red Hood?????*

Lizzie: *nods*

Jason, voice even softer: I'll be back soon, please tell the others kids I'm okay, alright?

Lizzie: *nods again*

Jason: bye

Lizzie: *waves*

Dick: *ends the call, grinning like an idiot*

Jason: *puts his helmet back on* shut up, Dickhead

Dick: you're soft *smirks*

Jason: oh you-

Hal: what the FUCK was THAT?!

Dick: *snickers*

Dinah, a bit worried: who was that kid?

Jason: that was-

Dick: one of the many kids hes taken under his wing

Barry: what?

Dick: oh, you didn't know? *smirks even wider*

Jason: don't you dare-

Dick: Jay here, became the patreon and protector of the homeless youht in Gotham, especially the Crime Alley

Clark: *smiles like a proud parent 'cus he already knew*

Jason: my reputation! *groans, hides his head in his hands and makes a sound like a dying bird*

Scarecrow: I am the master of Fear!

Danny: Look, dude, I don't care what you and my knight get up to in the privacy of your bedroom, but you keep that to yourself.

Scarecrow: A wise guy, huh? Let's see how many jokes you can crack after my latest creation.

Danny: Agh! Did you just spray me with your cheap cologne?

Scarecrow: You shall know fear.

Danny: I shall know a shower to get this smell off me. What is that? Citrus? Gross.

Scarecrow: Why aren't you screaming in horror!?

Danny: Oh, I've experienced horrors alright. I have a meeting with Fright Knight after this. I won't be able to look him in the eye later.

Red Robin: This isn't what I was expecting when I used the emergency summons Constantine gave me. I thought it would bring him here not, who ever you are.

Danny: I forgot about my summoner. Hold tight, I'll save you now.

Danny to Scarecrow: Look, dude, normally I would beat you up, stuff you into a thermos, and wash my hands of it. But seeing as you're Fright Knight's lover, I'll just steal the human boy and give you a warning instead. Sound good?

Scarecrow: You shall not!

Red Robin: Wait a minute!

Danny snapping his fingers to open a protal: Shush human sacrifice. We must leave.

Scarecrow: Don't you dare! Hey!

Danny: Okay byeeeeeeee!~ *protal closes*

Batman: *crashing through a window* Scarecrow where is Red Robin!? What have you done with him!

Scarecrow: He got kidnapped by a being that feels no fear.

Batman: I will make you talk.

Scarecrow: I know I'm crazy but that's actually what happened, I swear.

I LOVE COMPLEX DATED ADVERBS. Wherein. Heretofore. Thereon. Hereunto. Whereof. Hitherward. Hereinafter. How can you look at these words and not lose your mind. They're insane. I think I'm in love.

Gotham's newest Crime Lord - part 3

Part 2 | Masterpost

"You know your way around the city." Dan commented, eyes narrowed once he realizes that Kitty and Johnny adapted a little too well to Gotham. Going to places even he didn't know existed, exploring and giving them intel he never realized was relevant. They knew history of Gotham in a way a local would. 

Johnny shrugged, turning back to Kitty who welcomed Ember with a bright smile. The two were squealing, talking about how they were going to help mess with Firefly after burning down a well-loved studio down town. 

For Dan, he wasn't going to intrude too much on his former rogues but... "You're from Gotham. Both of you." 

Johnny twitched, watching as Shadow moved to play with Elle in the air. 

"Yeah, we’re not too sure if our folks are still kickin’, but Kitty and me took off after they flipped over our thing. This place still gives me the heebie-jeebies, but hey, you guys are here. Gotham’s cool these days with all the furries and rogues runnin’ around." Johnny laughed, his cocky nature still burning bright, even when he looked almost melancholic at the memory of this place. 

No ghost was truly comfortable in their hometown, whether they died there or not. This was where they were born, where their lives began. 

"I see..." Dan mumbled, glancing to the space where Danny was usually in. His younger brother was off doing kingly duties again, slumped by work and the Observants pestering him about shit. 

There's a quiet knock on his door and Jeremy was poking his head into the room again. The ghosts didn't even care, continuing to be visible and floating around. Discomfort and a bit of fear was clear on the man's face but he turned to Dante with as much courage as he could muster. 

"Boss, we've got a lead on the missing kids." 

Ah, yes. The recent disappearances of children. He doesn't know where they go, what happens to them. All he knows is that children were picked of the streets and never to be seen again. 

"Someone's been takin' kids?" Kitty grimaced, not minding how Jeremy shuddered. "Dan, dear, darling! Send me and Johnny. We know this city better than Batman and his little birdies."

Again, Dan sighed. "Gimme a minute, Kitty. Not enough information." He grunts, turning to Jeremy to hand him the report. 

"Anything else?"

"Well... About the Bats..."

"They snoopin' around again?" 

"Trynna sniff out Phantom." Jeremy shrugs. "Red Hood's been pretty active. Heard he's been wonderin' about Phantom not visitin' the kids last week." 

"Thanks Jeremy. Tell Marigold I said hi." 

"Will do, boss!" 

Once Jeremy left, the other ghosts were swarming Dan like bees. Their eyes glittering with anticipation, excitement, and vengeance. It felt strange for them to pay attention, to follow him. Danny's always felt like the better leader, struggling and suffering in the role yet rising above it all. That was why he was the king now. 

"Alright, let's get to work. Most of these kids have one thing in common. Their skills. Flexible, acrobatic, and have some sort of combat training. Usually in self defence." Dan plugged in the USB into his laptop, projecting the screen on to the tv. "The latest disappearance is Layla Smithson. Fourteen. Gymnast and was sent to take taekwondo classes by her parents. Before that was Evan Chavez. Another gymnast but was also known to get into multiple fights."

"So whoever is takin' the kiddies, they go after the ones with pretty good skills." Ember hummed, turning to Kitty and then nudging her. "You've got anything to say about that?" 

"Well... Maybe." Johnny shrugs too. 

"Ooh! What about that nursery rhyme every Gothamites gets to listen. Y'know. About the court."

Dan frowned. "What court?" 

"The court of owls!" Kitty grinned, "Beware the Court of Owls, that watches all the time, ruling Gotham from a shadowy perch, behind granite and lime. They watch you at your hearth, they watch you in your bed, speak not a whispered word of them or they'll send the Talon for your head." 

"Who the fuck uses that kind of shit for a nursery rhyme?" Dan scowled, but considered the possibility. "Any idea if they're real."

"Very." Johnny warned, "When Kitty and I died, we came back here a couple of times. Explored the place and tried to dig up secrets that would have killed us if we were livin'. One of 'em was the court. A secret society of a bunch off rich bastards."

"Johnny," Dan warned, knowing that something was still being kept from him. 

"There's another thing..." Johnny hesitated but Kitty took his hand and continued. 

Kitty grimaced, "The Court of Owls has a bunch of soldiers. They got this chemical they use on people, turnin’ ‘em into their own assassins. From what me and Johnny dug up a while back, these assassins were trained when they were kids. They call 'em Talons."

Dan wanted to yell, scream. Burn down the cursed with it's cursed bricks. Fuck. Fuck. Was the world always so shitty? 

"You're telling me... There's an entire secret society that uses chemicals to turn children into assassins?" 

Children.... Fucking children. They were weaponizing kids!

Ancients, he might just commit mass genocide again. 

"Alright. Alright. We leave the living people out of this. The court? Their talons? I want all of you prepared. I'm gonna contact Danny to drag Skulker and Wulf's asses here immediately."

Elle grinned, "GRAB AMORPHO TOO! We're gonna need his help if we want to dismantle the court."

The office is vacated quickly, with Elle dragging Ember and Kitty for girl time and Johnny runs off with shadow. Dan is left alone, frustrated at the new information before he does his best to summon his brother, the very annoyed ghost king that appears before him in full royal regalia. 

"A bit busy, Dan. Still tryin' to fight the laughing magician to help with getting rid of the Anti-Ecto Acts. Constantine is running around trying to destroy the GIW now." 

Dan snorted. He knew about John Constantine. The crazy motherfucker who's soul fragments were scattered around and Danny had to deal with the paperwork and mission to collect them all. 

"I know, yeah, sorry. I get that's important. But we've got a situation here."

"What would that be?"

"Secret society of rich fruitloops that are worse than Vlad. They're kidnapping children and making them into brainless assassins."

Immediately, the room grows colder than the far frozen. Danny's eyes are as green as they could ever be, but his pupils were an icy blue that would have made Frostbite shudder. 

"What do you need?"

"Skulker, Wulf, and Amorpho." 

"I'll send them on your way. They'll be here within 3 hours." Danny sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "I'll finish up things on my end to help."

"Sure thing, twerp."

"Fuck you." Fondly. 

"Fuck you too." Affectionately.

"OH! Your revenant was looking for you." 

"THE SEXY RED HOOD WAS LOOKING FOR ME?!" 

It was an entire week of silence. Of Wraith not doing anything at all. Even the rogues felt apprehensive to act on anything after Wraith's new subordinates started popping up to pester them. The reports were the same. Distorted footage, meta-human abilities, and a ridiculous amount of chaos. 

Apparently, Two face has waged war on one of them, named Ember. Riddler was also ready to throw hands with Specter. And then Harley and Ivy were hunting down a couple names Kitty and Johnny 13. Why they were named that, none of them knew. But considering Wraith and Phantom's titles, the entire group was Ghost themed. The majority of Gotham have taken to calling them the Ghosts. 

But then...

"Bruce... Get a look at this." Barbara's voice shook, horrified as she stared at the screen. Majority of the family was already in the cave, preparing to patrol once more. But their eyes were drawn to the screen. They all froze, struggling to fathom what the fuck was it they were looking. 

"Holy shit." 

Everyone was frozen, staring at the clear, untampered screen. 

Bruce sucked in a deep breath, reading the bloody message written on the wall of... He couldn't recognize it properly. "Farewell to the Court of Owls that once watched from their shadowy perch. Their talons covered in the blood of children they once purge. Farewell to their judge, the parliament says goodbye. To Talons, to owls, the ghosts says hi." 

And right beside the message was the hanging body of what Bruce recognized was the Judge of the Court of Owls. 

The Court of was in ruins. 

"Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!" Tim screeched, almost stumbling as he stared at the morbid message. "The Wraith and his ghosts took out the fucking court."

There was a loud rev of an engine, momentarily dragging their attention to Jason who was hurriedly getting of his bike and taking of his helmet. "Fuck, you've already seen it."

"You saw it in real life?! Where the fuck is that? The location is distorted but the entire thing is being broadcasted to the entirety of Gotham." 

"There are two of 'em. That one's on the clocktower."

Barbara snapped her head towards him, "MY clocktower?!" 

"Sorry 'bour that Barbie. But it got the job done for them, all of Gotham know about the court now."

Bruce grimaced, "And the other location?" 

"Arkham... The Talon is the one being hanged up there. The message is shorter: Bye-Bye owls. Shouldn't have messed with the dead." Jason clicked his tongue, "That's either about the fact that the court has been messing with the dead or it's cause Wraith's group is called the Ghosts." 

Jason shook his head, knowing for the fact that he'd have to track down Phantom soon. His eyes turned towards Dick, who stared at the screen as if a burden was just freed from him. Jason thinks it has. 

They had found out about the Court a little while ago, then found out about Dick's situation with them. How the circus he grew up in was one of the facilities that groomed Talons. How Dick was supposed to be recruited as one when his parents died. 

"Dick?" Jason murmured, gently taking Dick's hand. The other man jolted, his domino mask hiding whatever emotions there was in his eyes. 

"Little Wing..." 

"C'mon. Let's go grab some of Alfred's cookies. The rest of the family can deal with this." Jason quickly hurried his older brother out the cave, urging him to change our of his suit. 

Dick, once again, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, struggled to understand that his nightmare that was the Court was finally dead. Most likely slaughtered by the hands of a new crime lord, a rogue that seemed desperate to keep children safe. He held the tea tightly, closing his eyes as Jason sat opposite to him. 

The court was dead. 

Talon was dead. 

"I'm gonna go look for Phantom in a bit." Jason hummed, trying to appear comforting to Dick. 

And the image of the Judge of the court's body hanging from the clocktower flashes in his head again. 

"Jason." Dick whispered, "Get me a meeting with Wraith."

"What?" Jason blinked, "Dickie, no. Wraith might seem like a pretty nice guy with how he's protecting the kids, but he's still..." He paused, "He's still like me." 

"I need to meet him, Jaybird. I need to confirm that the Court is gone for good. He's the only one who can do that for me." 

"Why would Phantom even let you meet him?"

Dick frowned, sucking in a deep breath before taking Jason's hands. 

"Tell him that Nightwing was supposed to be a Talon."

Part 4 | Masterpost

Ive never really met anyone that thought of ribs as interesting… that’s such a shame. Ribs and the things they do are fascinating…. I think about them everyday.

DxDp prompt idea

Danny's going to college at Gotham University, he mainly moved to Gotham to keep an eye on Jazz who's working at Arkham and also because he got a scholarship, he sees a few of his classmates struggling so he gives them his summoning sigil, without saying it's his, and helps them understand their studies as the ancient of space in exchange for cans of soda or bags of chips or candy, things take a turn after Danny gives Jazz's boyfriend Jason a sigil without realizing who he is. Shortly after he discovers he (danny) has accidentally started a cult

"... so you started a cult. For what reason?" Jazz said, exasperated.

Danny shuffled his feet. "It wasn't on purpose."

"... so instead of giving people your phone number, you gave them a sigil of summoning, accidentally Pavlov'd them to give you offerings for your assistance, and then helped them with homework? Which also officially marks them as your follower and devotee?"

Danny winced. "When you say it like that, it sounds really bad."

Jazz gave him a look. "It is really bad. You're gaining a following, Danny, and soon, all of this worship will make you another god in this universe. I thought you wanted a normal school year?"

"Noooo..." Danny groaned. "I just wanted to be normal!"

Jazz shook her head to herself and sighed. "It's hopeless. You're going to become a god, Batman is doing to find you, and then the Observants are going to kill you. All because you accidentally started a new religion."

"I just wanted to help! How am I supposed to know that the crazies here are also superstitious?!"

The door opened then, with Jason stepping inside of the apartment. Both siblings turned to look at him. He was holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand for Jazz and a bag of groceries in the other.

"Hey, did you guys hear? There's a new religion starting—"

"WE KNOW!!"

They know instantly.

I want Danny, in king Phantom form, to meet Billy, in his hero form, and for them both to immediately know that they other isn't the age they present themselves as.

They then proceed to troll the whole League into believing that they've been friends for eons.