[ascended!astarion X Gn!spawn!reader]

e m p t y / 9

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter nine  — new mornings

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They lived two years in Trost, but it took them one year to live on their own. Even with Lydia's protests —and Jean protested in secret, too—, Beatrice didn't want to be the burden she felt she was, and with her savings of the bread and pastries she did in the local bakery, it was enough for them to move to a house near the gates. Beatrice and [Name] couldn't stop thanking Lydia in opening the door of her home, taking them in as if they were family. [Name]'s mom had told him Lydia was a great friend in her past, before she moved to Shinganshina.

Even if the old memories of his past hometown tormented him in some way, along with his friends, he somehow enjoyed living in Trost. It was a nice place— Lydia was just as nice as Beatrice and Jean was a good friend. Before he knew it, their friendship went deeper and deeper, becoming really close. Jean always worried about [Name]'s headaches, every time trying to help in anything he could along with Lydia. The woman bought plenty of herbs with her own money to try and calm his migraines, and Beatrice nor [Name] could stop thanking her for it.

It become frequent how Jean couldn't stop himself and caress [Name]'s hair every headache— his eyes became softer when he frowned. It had become a reflex, somehow. [Name] didn’t mind— in fact, the teenager didn’t care at all about getting touchy. He liked taking Jean’s hand and play with it when they were bored sitting under a tree, or just lay his head on Jean’s legs to sleep.

At first it felt weird, but as Jean could feel butterflies in his stomach, he suspected what was happening. He got nervous when [Name] so normally and carelessly touched him like nothing, as if it was something anyone would do. Jean now believed Beatrice when she said [Name] was a social inept— all of what he was doing felt like they were lovers, and he didn’t even know it. Every time he did it, Jean blushed and averted looking at the boy, sometimes even evading touching him.

Jean knew very well what his feelings were but refused to believe it, it was obvious. Even his' and [Name]'s mom did. It was difficult to bear with it, even more when [Name] was oblivious about it. Why wasn't him more upfront? These couple years have made him more brutally honest than before, so why he couldn't confess to him? Was it fear? Maybe for rejection. Jean knew [Name] didn't know or wasn't interested in these topics— he had tried to question the boy before, but nothing came out of it. [Name] was uninterested, or maybe he have never felt something like that before, so he couldn't speak about it as if he knew.

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“So [Name]...”

”Hmn?”

”Have you ever liked someone?”

”Liked...?” He looks to the sky, “well, yeah.”

”Really? Who?” He tried his best to sound uninterested about the topic.

”You,” Jean’s face blushed at that, but before he could get his hopes up [Name] followed with, “my friends from my hometown too... specially Armin.” And with that Jean went to the beginning, frowning with a twitch on his eye.

”not that type of liking! I mean If you have liked someone as in... love." He blushed, embarrassed by such thing to say.

“Like the books our moms read?” And he did sometimes too. Beatrice loved reading, specially romance novels. Armin and Beatrice had taught him reading books would be a good thing for learning about emotions, in some way. It could have sounded stupid— how someone didn't know what they feel? But [Name] didn't. He felt like a vessel still— these past experiences have helped a lot to grow his sentimental side, but there was more to know.

”Weird example, but yeah, like these cheesy stories.”

”hmn...” he had never thought about it— well, he liked Mr. Erwin a lot, but not as in love. “Don’t think so.” Maybe Beatrice? She says 'I love you' a lot to him, but he doesn't know if it's that particular form of love Jean is saying. "What about you?"

"W-Well— of course," he tried to sound 'cool' if that helped, "I've going out with some girls and—"

"That's not true. You are always with me." [Name] looks at him with a raised brow, obviously not believing his lie. Jean's facade faltered, but the teenager tried to change the attention to another topic.

"A-Anyways!" He laughed nervously, "have you ever kissed somebody?! BECAUSE I HAVE!"

"Kissed..." He blinked, deep in thought. [Name] didn't remember kissing anybody, but the sudden feeling of doing it is there. He touches his lips, wondering. "I don't think so."

Jean gulped, trying to play it off, "would you... like to try it?" He knew very well what he was doing— [Name] was unaware of these things, but it wasn't as if he was taking advances out of him, right? It was just... something for him to learn.

The amnesiac teenager blinks, staring at Jean. According to these books, a kiss meant something special, a sign of love. [Name] didn't know what love certainly was, so maybe trying kissing Jean would make something different? "Okay."

"O-Okay?! I-I mean—! A-Alright," Jean gulped, blushing. His heartbeat is erratic— he didn't actually believe [Name] agreed of something like this. Good thing they are in the forest near the walls— it would have been too embarrassing being looking at. Both of them kneeled in front of each other, [Name] looking at him with his head tilted. Jean averted his gaze, trying to calm himself.

He sighs, ready. Getting near [Name]'s face, his hands shake. The amnesiac teenagers gets near too, but Jean freezes. His eyes widen, not knowing what to do. Surprisingly, [Name] is the one who initiates the kiss— his hand supporting on the ground to get nearer Jean as he closes his eyes. It's clearly an inexperience kiss— but Jean's heart felt like it was going to explode. It's such a gentle and soft gesture, a curious action. Before he knows it, [Name] is pulling away with a humn. Jean is completely red, he is happy about what just happened, but he knows he can't get his hopes up with [Name], remembering how he usually is.

Nobody talks— [Name] tilts his head, touching his lips while Jean is still shocked by the kiss. What did [Name] feel? Did he like it? Did he realize something?

"S-So, what do you think?"

"I don't know."

"W-What?"

"It's... different, but I don't feel something else about it," Jean's heart crashes as he hears these words. He had a little bit of hope something would change, but it seems it didn't. "You?"

The taller teenager sighs, clenching his jaw. "Same." His excitement and happiness fade away as quickly as they appeared. Maybe this would be the first and last time he took advantage of [Name] like this— a kiss was something hurtful but wonderful at the same time. 'Love' surely hurt a lot.

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Love was something unknown for him, and for now, he didn't look interested by it. Jean hoped sometime he would have taken a more liking to him after that kiss, but Jean knew that was unlikely. So he hided his feelings, in hope of someday he could show them when the time was right. But obviously he took advances of [Name]'s touchy behavior— when he laid his head on Jean's lap, he played with [Name]'s hair. Or sometimes when the other rested his head on his shoulder, Jean would rest his head on the other's, smelling his hair.

This situation was annoying.

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Beatrice lived in fear of hearing those words— living the day he would leave to chase his dream. She didn't want to appear sad in front of her boy, so his anguish and sadness were showed with Lydia. The woman tried to comfort Beatrice as best as she could— but both of them knew their boys would leave them soon.

But it was time, and Beatrice knew from the start it was going to come sooner nor later. She always hoped he could change his mind, but his mind was set the first time he heard about the military. But she couldn't stop him, could she? She couldn't stop her husband nor son, and look what happened.

"Mom..." He spoke, stopping eating. Hearing such tone made Beatrice's heart hurt— that was it, "I'm going to enlist to the military."

She didn't say a word for some minutes, worrying [Name] by it. Beatrice had never got silenced over anything, but he knew he touched a sensible spot. She relieved some memories about her husband and a son he didn't know anything about— they left, enlisted to the survey corps and as many expected, they died in combat. It was painful and difficult to accept such thing again, but Beatrice can't forever hold a bird who wants to be free.

"Is that what you really want?" She hold her tears and her voice from breaking, but [Name] saw trough the facade easily. It was the second time felt something like heartbreak, seeing her like this. He stood up from his seat and keeled besides her, hugging her waist and resting his head on her legs. She caressed his hair, not holding the tears anymore. [Name] shut his eyes, some tears slipping and wetting Beatrice's dress.

"Yes."

"I see."

They stayed like that for a long time.

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It was pretty difficult accepting he was going to leave. Surprisingly, Jean was going to enlist too, but he had told his mother he was going to join the Military Police, and not the Survey Corps like [Name].

When Jean knew where [Name] was going to join in the end, he almost had a heart attack. He couldn't believe something so idiotic, reckless. Was he insane? But, most importantly, didn't he care they were going to... separate if that happened? They wouldn't see each other again. Jean was mad, and even when he voiced his worries to his friend he didn't listen.

"But what are you thinking?! It's the survey corps!" He tried to reason.

"Yeah, I know it's the survey corps. That's why I will join them." He stated, not bothered by Jean's yelling. The taller boy only got railed up by such behavior— didn't he care?

"But you could die, do you know that?" He desperately tries to talk a sense to him, "many of them don't come back!"

"I know, Jean. But... that's what I have to do." [Name] knew he had to join them— after all, they found him outside these walls. His answer had to be out there, somewhere.

"What you have to do?" He snorted, "aren't you thinking about Beatrice?" About me?

"Jean, I will join the survey corps. It was decided since the beginning."

"You don't care about anyone, do you?!" Jean couldn't stop his anger— [Name] was cruel when he wanted, even if he didn't mind to. He sighs, passing his hand trough his hair exasperatedly, "whatever." He left without turning back, he was angry and felt betrayed. Jean knew if he stayed any longer he would say things he didn't mean and turn the situation worse,

[Name] frowned, clearly sad about how things turned out. His hand tried to reach Jean, who disappeared without even sparing a last glance at him. He felt something heavy on his chest, and the same static noise overcome his ears. He did something wrong— but this is what he wants, and he can't turn back from his decision. But why is he feeling so sad? Just as he lost Eren, Mikasa and Armin? Was it so important to Jean where he wanted to go? It was his life— not his'. Was he being cruel? Just thinking about begin mistaken caused another headache to appear.

  P̵̣̫̱̮̼̲͔̰͈͙̈́̈̎̏̈́͠ī̷̞̥͍̙̓̈́̊͘t̷̛͕̝̓͐̓̋̄͑̎͋̉̊̈́̚̚ĩ̶͚̲͙̞̮̺͓̟͖͙̯̊̽͜͝f̴̡̺̬̟̭͙͕̙͚̯̟̹̱̹̩͐̈́̄̈͂̈́̈́͊̎̾̊̓̒͘ȗ̸̝̜͔̍̎̚ͅl̸̛̥͈̘̆̽̎͊̊͂͑̎͜ͅ.̵̧̢̢̛̮̘̤̭̳͔̈͒͗͒̔̍̇̈́̂͝͝͠͝ͅ ̸̨̦͔͙̫̙͉̝̭̣̮̫̤̪̎́̈̊̂̈́̓̆̋͝͝ͅD̶̛͖̹̣̲̘̫̭͕͔̊͒̾̃͊̓̊̀͂͊̕͝͠ǒ̶̧̧̢͉̳͉͔̪̻̠̗̲̜̒̄̀͜ͅn̶̮̻̮͍͔͚̲̝̮̪̖͇̠͂͌̀͌͂'̷̢̨̥̖̟̘̟̖̗̪̜̌̈́̋̃ͅͅt̶͒͐͊̈́̄̐̉̓͋̽̊̓͜͠ ̸̼͉̘͚̈́͛l̵̨͕͓̂͗̓̾̑̈́͠͠ͅị̷̛̭̹̺̂̌̇̊̐̀̍̎̂̋̔͘͠ş̶͕͔͈͎̻͖̪̀̏͊̌ţ̶̢̜͔̪̱͍͈̞̭̯͎͑̐͌͊̾͜͝ȩ̴̛̥̺̄̿̀͐͑͒̓̈́̋̄͋n̸̨̠͐̔͋͗̿͒͐ ̸̠͇̻͕̗͎̇̂̌̐̒̈́̕͝͝t̶͔̤̮͆͊̃͝o̵̡̪̦̙̲͆̈̂̑͜ͅ ̶̼̙̤͆͌͠ą̶̛͍͚̦͇͓̥̯̟͑̿̐̇̈́̈́̔̌̊ͅn̴̢̩̺̪̂̒̆͛̄̇̂ŷ̴̢̡̢̛̳͕̹̝̲̖̻̇͗͒͐̓͗̒͌̚ͅǫ̴̮͈̤̖͆̈́͑̃͆̾̌̿̐́͋̊͠n̴̠̬̫̪͐̈͑̇͌̅̎̓̑ȇ̶̡͇́̆̈́.̷̢̣̩̖̫͖͕̊͌̓̍͛̈́̌̂̓͘

But he's my friend...

Jean stopped talking with [Name] after that. The amnesiac teenager never felt so much sadness before— after all, Jean was his close friend. Beatrice could only guess what happened between them, and she couldn't possibly blame Jean. Seeing how [Name] stayed in his room all day made her worried— the boy was always under his blankets, and when he came down to eat, he was wrapped around his blankets still. Even if he looked so adorable like that, Beatrice couldn't feel happy when his expression screamed absolute sadness. She knew the best was for the two to talk it out, but seeing Jean nor [Name] tried to fix this, she decided to do a small step— talk to Jean. She have talked to [Name], but the boy didn't even wanted to leave to room.

When Beatrice talked to Lydia, the woman had realized something was wrong the moment her son returned so angry. He had come straight to his room and closed the door with such force that it was heard everywhere in the house. But he didn't shut himself in his room too much, thankfully.

When Jean came downstairs and saw Beatrice, he frowned and clenched his jaw. The woman could see his distress and maybe embarrassment— maybe he thought she would lecture him or something.

"Hello Jean," Beatrice smiled, hearing a small 'hi' from the boy as he sat down with her, "I know you know why I'm here for, right? But don't worry, I'm not mad at you."

Jean didn't spoke, rather, he looked down as he crossed his arms.

"[Name] is sorry about what happened— it's not that he doesn't care, it's more that... he really wants to know what's outside. He cares a lot about you, you know? But you know how he is with his feelings."

The boy doesn't talk. Rather, he sighs heavily, trying to think. If [Name] was just a neighbor he barely knew, he couldn't care less, but he wasn't. It was his friend, the person he liked— his life. Why he couldn't just stay with him?

"It's stupid," Jean said, "joining the survey corps? Is he insane?"

She chuckled, "I know. But you can't trap a bird forever, Jean. It will eventually fly away when they see the opportunity— that's how [Name] is. He has his mind set, and he will not change any time soon, even if the world tells him otherwise."

"Aren't you... angry?" Jean asked, frowning. Was she okay with the fact [Name] was going to join the survey corps? And possibly die?

She smiled sadly, looking down, "Not angry... just sad," she looks at Jean, "you can't decide or force someone to decide what to do with their life, can you? Just look at it in reverse— if [Name] tried to reason with you to join the branch you don't want to be, would you? After your mind is set?"

He fell into silence. But it was different, right? The Military Police was safe. The Survey Corps wasn't— both of them could live together, even. Nevertheless, imagining [Name] bugging him to join together would only irritate him. Averting Beatrice's gaze, he crossed his arms in defeat,

"I can't make him, can I?"

"Not even me." She smiles, but not a happy one. It's empty, and Jean can see trough it, "oh, and also..." She laughs, "you should do something with these feelings of yours."

The teenager's face becomes red at hearing the call out— he frowns, trying to ignore his blush. "W-What feelings?! I'm mad at him! Not- Not in..."

"Love?" She chuckles, "just remember one day you two won't be together. Time doesn't wait, so be fast."

He groans, rubbing his neck. Beatrice claps, widening her eyes with a devilish grin.

"And also! Who knows who will take interest of him! My boy has become reaaaally handsome, Jean. I'll say act fast!"

"M-Miss Beatrice!"

"I'm just saying, dear!"

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The amnesiac boy was miserable. Jean didn't want to talk to him, and [Name] didn't insist after that. If he didn't want to talk, then that was fine. But [Name] couldn't stop feeling so... sad. If it was Eren who fought with, his younger self wouldn't have cared as much as he did now. Since when did he change? Well, maybe it wasn't if he changed or not— he liked Jean. He enjoyed being with him and he helped him with his headaches, and more importantly, his voice wasn't annoying. [Name] grunted, hiding his face under the blankets.

[Name] didn't answer when he heard a knock on his door— he didn’t even paid attention of who the footsteps belonged to. Not until the person spoke, recognizing Jean.

”[Name]? Are you there?”

Jean? [Name] turned at the door, still wrapped around his blankets. He blinked,

"[Name]...?"

The amnesiac boy quietly got up from his bed, slightly opening the door just a little gap, his tired eyes prying outside the room to see Jean. The other jumped in surprise by the squeak the door made, along with seeing the unusual dull eyes looking at him.

"Can I... come in?" He gulped as [Name] fully opened the door for him to enter, closing it after. The amnesiac boy sit down on his bed, still covered in blankets. Honestly, Jean thought he looked adorable like this— but that wasn't important right now!

There was silence. Surprisingly, [Name] was the one who spoke first.

"I don't want you to be mad at me..." He looked down, playing with his fingers. His plain expression was the same, but his tone of voice changed. It was like a hurting child.

Jean sighed heavily, rubbing his neck. He didn't like being mad with him either— but he was justified, wasn't he? Maybe not but... he didn't like the idea of joining the survey corps one a bit. He wouldn't, that wasn't for him at all.

"Me neither," He sat down besides [Name], who didn't look at him still. "It's just... I don't want you to... die."

"I won't." He looked at Jean with a different expression he couldn't pin point, "I promise."

"Yeah yeah..." He didn't believe it— but knew [Name] was strong. Even if he still didn't accept hat he wanted to do, maybe, just maybe he could change his decision in the future, right? "I'm not mad, okay?" He looked at him with a clear frown in his face. Jean wasn't happy, neither angry— just... sad about not getting his way this time.

Silently, [Name] wrapped him around his blankets too, sharing them. "Joining branches will take time, so let's enjoy our time together." The corner of his mouth slightly raised, taking Jean's hand. He blushed clearly— how couldn't he? "Let's lay down."

Obeying, the two boys laid together on the bed, looking at each other. Jean averted looking at [Name] with a blush, while the other looked thoughtful. Can he hear my heartbeat??? Fuckfuckfuck—

"I haven't told you the reason why I want to join." That gained Jean's interest, forgetting about his little problem, "but don't tell anyone, alright?"

Then, he explained his first memory, who and how they found him and how he met Beatrice. Seeing it like this Jean understood, but wasn't he scared after seeing the titans? He never understood how the titans didn't scare him off when they took over Shinganshina— he admired him in secret, but he wouldn't say that out loud. Even so, it interested him where [Name] was from— that was why his eyes were different from everyone's? But outside the walls... that was impossible. No one lived outside— only titans.

"So that's why you want to go..." He closed his eyes, blushing, "just because I stopped being mad doesn't mean I still like the idea, o-okay?!"

The sound provided from the amnesiac boy surprised him— [Name] was chuckling. It was the first time hearing him like this. After all, him reacting like this was something rare. "Okay," he answered as he closed his eyes, "let's sleep."

Jean looked at [Name], still blushing. He was so... handsome but pretty at the same time. He looked so peaceful and gentle like this. Jean would never ever in his life would say that he always watched the boy in secret when they shared the bed together when they were younger, along with many secrets and memories he will hold everyday. He didn't want him to go someday— the thought only made him angry. This wasn't fair.

"And also! Who knows who will take interest of him!"

Remembering Beatrice's words made him almost grunt, covering his face. He wouldn't allow that! ...Would he?

  B̵̡̨̹̰̝̙̱͎͖̙̙̯͖̬̿̿̀̀̎̊͌͝ḙ̵̡͓͕̙͙̳͚̬̠͐͐̓̌̉̒͘͝͝ì̸̧̟̝̟̥̠̺̦̫̯͈͗̌̈́̒͂͑͆̄̈́̀̓͜͠n̴̨̡̪̗̜̮͇̳̮̟̼̗͇͒̋̊ͅͅg̴̥͇̼̹̮̻̼̬͉̺̲̝͐͊̏͋͑͜ ̵̢̺͑̃̈́̈́̈́͆̅͂̚̚̚ẅ̶̻̲͕͚͖̕ͅį̶̯͓͆͌̕͜͝t̷̜͉͎̫̘̝̠̣̰̲͕̫͓́̎͂̎h̷̺̼͕͔̹̪̮̜͚̯͐̎̉̎͐̇̽͒̃͝ͅ ̴͔̲̻̺̙̉̀̅̃̿̊͒̋̎̓͆̚̚̚ơ̸͎̜̜̣͊̔̂͊̉̌́͆͆̑̓͗t̶̘͇̟̦̩̞̰͉̱̰̖̜̱͕̐̆͋̒̈́͆͋͝͠͠͝ͅh̴͚͐͊̊̌̇ͅͅȩ̸̳̤̪̖̹͈̥͔̩̠̥̅̄̔̅̈́͋̓̒̚͝͝r̸͖͙̖͓̆s̴̨͙͔̦͙̃͑̅̈́͒̏̇͆̈́̾͊͝ ̸͓̹̫͇̺̭͉̙͗͜ȏ̵̺̘̱̮̜̟̗ņ̴̛̳̖̮̝̒̈́͋̽̌̅͊͊̚͝͠͠͝ͅl̵͍̻̜̖͑̋̿̃̈́͝ͅy̷̢͎͉͙̖͔͍̜͉͓̩̣̼̅̏͘ ̸̨̧̳̱̆̽̉̐͝w̴̧͚̗͎͍̳̣͇̣͍͍̜̣̔̒̅ǐ̷̤̦̰̫̱̃͌̈ͅl̷̡͚̰͔̼̩̦͖̬̼͍͖͗̒̐͝l̶̡̙̳͖̘̤͋̑̈́̈́̅̓̈́́̄̃̋͠ ̶̬̻͉͉̞̞͙̝̺͖̂ͅc̷̢̣͙̝̞̻̬͔͙̕ǎ̶̡̘̝̥̳̪̮͔̫̒́̆̈̀̐̏̑̕͝͠u̸͓͛̈́̌̑̐̅̒̆̿͆̋s̷̗̙̙̩̰̮̤̤̼̥̪͓̝̰̎̍̒̿͆̏͆̓̍̚͝ͅe̸͖͈̺͓̪̽͌ ̴̛͖̲͓̟̳͍̤̍͌̅̔̒̽̍̽͘̚h̵̢̡͚̺̩̻̉͂̓ī̴͔͇̙̝̓̓̿̐͗̈́̒͝m̴̥̘̱̦͚̹̱̳̻͂̂͗̏̾͌̑̿̆̂̃̄́̅͜ ̸̢̨̢̛̼͎͈̫̲̗̬̺̞̞̅̍͑̈́̍̚ͅš̴̨̝̻͙̘͇̞̠͕̠͎̫̐̈́̌͘͠͝͠͠u̷͚̝̗̜͉͔̪̙̣̪͓̦̝̲͗̐́̿̈́͋́͠f̸̢͙͈̲̘̙͈̱̈̾͒̊̕f̶̧͖̬̻͖͙̥̫̆̾͆́͒̀́̽̀̇̇̾ͅḙ̷̢̡͍͕̟͉͓̮̲̰͕̙͓̋̂̆͠ŗ̷̛̬͓̼̲͍̻̰̥̜̙̺̓̂̇͑̆̄̕͘͝͝͠į̴̜̬̹̥̘͚̘͉̲͎̜̆̈́͑̓n̷̥̏g̷̻̳̯̞̬͚̘̯̿̿.̴̧̹͖̱͔̙͙̳̣̾̂̕ͅ

L̴͚̗̄̂͐̏͐̆̓̕ĕ̶̡̤̳̠̹̪̹̰͔͕̑̏͌̈́ͅt̵̢̳͓͈̃̏̈́͗͗̌̈̄̀̓̄̆ ̶̭̹̦͕̞͈̲̙̙̺̈́̓̋͌̒̎̂̅̀̚̕͝͠ͅţ̴̧̡̱̥̲̥̗̲̮͇̜̬̙̳̈̏̍̾͋̽̎̆̈́̋̎̐̕͝ẖ̸̡̛̳̙̞̪̫̫̮̺͇̳͇͔̞͌̾͑̍̒̚̚͘͝͝e̸̼͐̈͋̑̀̅͐͆̓̕͠ ̶̨͖̯͇͖͓͍͓̩̍̌͂̅̈́b̷̢͈́͂͒̂̍̂̈́̍̎̏̉͊͆͘ơ̷͈̼̝̩̰̭̥̻̩̿̿̒́͜y̶̭̽̈́̈́͊̈̆͠ ̵͙̜̻́̇̆̓̑̌͊̾̌͛̎̑́͠b̷̧̥͍͍̞̍̑ę̴̧̯̗̩̥̭̰͕̓̃́̍͂̄͋̓̐̄̌͛̃̕͜.̴̧̬̫͚͔̭̝͉́̓͌̑̂̉̈̊͠ ̸̨̡̨̛̬̳̺̪̪͇͐͛́̑̾̈́̽̓͗̒̈́̚͝͠ͅY̶̜̪̟̳͍͖̥̼̭͉̭̼͐́̂̓̑̎́̇̋̕͜͝ͅớ̷̠̮̬̲̒̍̎͑̑͐̕u̶̢̢̮̺͓̘͈̠̟̰̱̞̥̣̓ͅ ̶͉̠̲̣̖͊̍̾̀̅̋̏͜k̵͈͂̒̋̃̽͊̈́̽̈́͆͂n̸̛̜̠͉̳̤̥̟̘̟̬̻͕͇͆̍̊̑͋̈̾̄̉̀͊͘̚͜ͅo̸̡̮̗͇̺̦̺͚̱̠̞͓̭̓̐̕ͅŵ̸͙̉̉̈́̑̎̌̓͊̅̿̒͝ ̶̡̟͍͙̜̽̅͑͌̑͜͜͝͝w̸̡̩͈̩̹̤̙̝̒̑̾̂̌̎̚͠h̷̺̜̖̒̈́̓͝ă̶̜̥̖̘͔̹͐͐̓̈́̀̅̊̐̌̈̍̀͘͝t̵̗̥̲̚ ̷̨̩͗̍̈̈́́̈́͑̓̋̈̕͝ẉ̸̛̽͆̎͗̉͌̂̓̈́̃̿̋̍͜͝ĩ̴̛̛͍̺̣̲͍͋̀̀́͊̍͝͝l̷̛̠͚̰̊́̉̒̏͐̓̐͘̕̕l̸̬͍̤̠͓̠̬̃ ̷͍̥̭͉͉͍̞͔͎̯̺͎̑̾͌̾̈́h̶̨̢͖̯̫̮̭͑͜ẩ̷̰̩͙̰̲̳̹͗̊̑̈́̂͝͝p̴̡̡̛͇͎̮̟͍̥̯̂̔͜͠p̷̫̤̝̗̣͎̃͋̉͑́̋̈̎̾͌͝ͅẽ̶̼̠̳̙̬̉͒̾͂̄̂̽̍̍̐̈͠͝n̸͚̲̤̹̘̥̼̉̅͗̏̔͆̈̕͘̕ͅ ̴̨̛̛̟̦̬̺̫̣̯͓̜͖͎͆̍͑̄͗̑̊͘͝ļ̸̣̫̖̫̘̎̈́͋͌̿̽̊͑̚͠ả̷̩̣̮̫̐͊̽͊̃͠t̷̺̣̘͋e̶̙͓̯̜̭̗̥͉̫̎͛̆̀̓͊̚͜͜͝ͅr̴̩͔̗̔͛.̸̧̖̤̰̱̻͓̂͊

  [Name]'s whimpers took his attention. The amnesiac boy was frowning, and Jean knew exactly what was happening.

"Your head again?" He unconsciously placed his hand on [Name]'s forehead, worried. The touch somehow calmed him a little.

"I tried to remember— bad choice." He sighed, hiding his face onto Jean's chest, making the teenager blush completely again. He knew [Name] could hear his heartbeat— calm yourself! Clenching his jaw, he hugged the boy closer, looking at the side in shyness. He had to enjoyed while it lasted— soon they will be in the military, and doing things like this in front of everyone would be embarrassing, wouldn't be? He only wished time didn't go as fast.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

This was the day.

[Name] packed his stuff with the help of his mother, she doing most of the talking. She didn't want to cry, so the best she could so was to keep her mind occupied in talking and helping.

"You are such a handsome boy now, I can't believe it..." She sighed, "You are getting taller too..."

"Do you think so? Jean is still taller than me."

"He had grow up so much too... And to think it has been only two years." She laughed, "I can't wait to see how the military has shaped you."

They finish quickly, after all it isn't much. They leave the house, stopping at the entrance. There's silence— both of them see the path where everyone is going. After all, today was the day to enlist, and many teenagers were already leaving their homes. [Name] turns to see Beatrice, who is deep in thought.

She sighs, "you can come back if you can't take it, alright? No one will think less of you!" She takes him and kisses him all over, receiving a chuckle from [Name].

"Okay, mom."

"Don't forget to visit! I will sent you letters, okay? If I can I will sent you some cookies too!" She kisses him, "do your best, and make a lot of friends, please? When you come back in your free time, come with your friends! A lot of food will await you."

With a last hug and more kisses, [Name] leaves. When Beatrice can't see him anymore, tears fall from her face as she tries to hold her sobs. She wipes them, but the tears won't stop from falling. She's horribly sad and broken, but she knows this is the right choice for him. After all, he belongs somewhere else.

"Please come back safe..."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

"There you are," Jean says, already waiting for him in their usual spot. They agreed to go together, as always, "thought you changed your mind."

[Name] let his tongue out, making Jean snort. "Never." They return on their walk, following the others teenagers to their new future.

I hope... they are there.

T̵̨̨̛̠̤͇̩̩͈̤̪͖̮̜̜̼̣̳̟̝̫͒͒͂̽͛̒͑̍̇̒͆̚͝h̶̩̜̳͔͍̱̳̺͍̲̩͔̥̠͍͚͈̑̃̐̾̇́̓͐͑̔̚͝e̶̫̭̬̩̰̝̬͎̰̿͋̓̒̅̉̉̎͗̕͜y̵̨̢̲͓͇͓͔͓͐̽̃͆̿̓̕͘ ̶̛̣̗̪̙͒̑̊͂̈́͒̏̔ẅ̷̢̧̨̛̬̗̮̳̣̙͉̟̫̣̬̮̲̲̬͔̑̓̒̉̾͠ḭ̵̬̲͉̱̲͕̱͕̞͉̯͎̯̘̤̙̠̻̽̽͋̀͑̓̂̍͆̉̽͐̍͑̋ͅl̸̢̡̧̬̟̞̻̩͈͓̙̙̻̺̲̭̤̦̼͉̖̩̻̩̣̓͗̐̊̓ͅļ̵̧̢̢͖̼̤̲̩̙̥̖̘̜̭̗̫̗̮͓͔̗̦̗͖̱̎̃̇̈́̊͋͑͌̓̀̐̀̏̔͋͋͋ͅ.̷͎̖̲̈́̋̑̈́̅̈́͆̈̓͛̾̐͊͋̐̓̌̈́̔͑̔̑̔̽

Reiss Mental Asylum / 6

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

6

Today [Name] would do his sessions alone— Zeke was busy with others patients that [Name] didn’t have to help with, and Erwin was occupied with meetings. So, that left the young assistant all alone, not that he complained. He knew the two males wouldn’t be with him all the time, and he had familiarized enough with the place.

However, his session would be in a hour, leaving him with a few minutes to spare. Now that he think of it… was there anything else to work with…? Certainly, he had some paperwork Zeke gave him that had to be done. With no much thought, the young male headed to his office, greeting and nodding the workers who he come across with.

Entering the office, [Name] opened a drawer from the desk, taking folders and papers. Sitting down on one of the seats —Zeke brought another seat for his assistant—, he began to read the papers carefully. However, the [hair color]-haired male couldn’t stop his mind to wonder about something in particular— the handcuffs Jean had.

For now, he was the only patient that had them, and Zeke didn’t explain why he did. It was something that bugged him— if someone with Bertolt’s background didn’t have them, then why Jean did? He wasn’t violent by any means in his first session just like Bertolt —excluding the kiss and the hug, obviously—, and [Name] couldn’t stop his thoughts to ask why his boss didn’t explain it. And well, he hasn’t…

The young man shacked his head, “stop thinking unnecessary things! Maybe it’s nothing at all, you are wondering too much, [Name]...” Sighing, he returned to his work, finally deciding to let the topic rest for now. Even if the situation seemed a little off, he believed Zeke would explain when he wanted.

Taking the patient’s file, [Name] carefully read;

Connie Springer. The patients gets aggressive when nurses try to get close for the medication; violent outbursts are guaranteed in these scenarios. Strangely, his behavior seems calmer with certain doctors around. However, first meetings don’t guarantee the patient’s trust and serenity.

He hide his insecurity nature with his false confidence; trait unfortunately gained when he was young. His parents lack of attention since childhood took an effect on him. The excessive criticism, insensitive parenting were usual behavior of the parents against him, developing a narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality behavior.

Unfortunately, his school experience wasn’t good either. Students often harmed him physically and mentally— situation that affected negatively on his trust on others.

All of these examples made Mr. Springer snap from his sanity and do the unthinkable— murder his own parents and siblings.

Murder…? Wide-eyed and lips pressed in a thin line, [Name] had to read the last sentence a few more times to believe it. He was quite surprised of it— yes, he met Bertolt, who was forced to do violent acts, actions that deteriorated his mental state. The [eye color]-eyed assistant felt sympathy for Connie— the murder could have been prevented, but he never got help. Something inside [Name] shifted in anger; and even if reading he murdered his own family was quite shocking, he couldn’t stop himself to be… sad for him.

The door suddenly opens, snapping [Name] from his attention on what he just read, “Hey, dipshit, Roman told me to—” the voice abruptly stops when he notices the one he wasn’t looking for. “You are not dipshit.” Levi blinks, frowning.

“Dipshit…?” [Name] blinks, thinking who he might be referring to. “A-Are you talking about Dr. Jaeger…?”

The ravenette snorts, “yes, I’m talking about four-eyes. Where is he anyways?”

“He told me he was going to meet with other patients, didn’t tell me exactly where or who, sorry.”

The short man hums, thinking about something, “that means you are alone for the day?” Impressive he’s still here unharmed. The assistant nods, and Levi notices his nervousness showing by his comment.

Now that I think of it, four-eyes is always with him. Levi wasn’t an idiot— Zeke had displayed some… strange behavior when he was with his assistant, even if the blond doctor tried to hide it. For instance, in their first meeting with [Name], Levi could catch how irritably the man glared at Mike, who was very close to the assistant And also, he couldn’t suppress a smirk seeing how flustered he got when he saw [Name] with the disgusting sauce all over his mouth.

He stopped a laugh from coming out, thinking about the blonde’s true feelings for his assistant. It’s not a secret that Levi doesn’t like Zeke a little too much. The doctor himself and everyone else absolutely knows— and the ravenette makes sure he knows.

Resting his shoulder on the door’s frame, the shorter male carefully eyed the quiet assistant. Levi didn’t know what it was that Zeke liked from this newbie— his attitude seemed weak and shy. The assistant was very polite, too… Maybe it was his looks?

“How’s it been here? Any problems?” Levi asked, his mind still thinking about the other’s attention to the male in front of him. Maybe  four-eyes was captivated by the soft gaze the other had?

“Not at all! Uhm… well—” [Name] own interruption was because he remembered his… “scene” with Bertolt not too long ago. He felt his own face warming, thinking of it. The ravenette noticed this.

Blinking, Levi asked, “what? Did an intern hurt you?” He didn’t exactly see an injure in [Name]’s body— not in visible places, at least. An eyebrow raised when he saw the other’s instantly denying it, his two hands shacking in front of him.

“No, no! Not at all! It was just… a close encounter. That’s all.” [Name] didn’t think it was the best to tell the truth. It was a little embarrassing to say a patient kissed you on the lips. No way he was going to tell that! It was unprofessional— a mistake for his part. “Nobody has been aggressive towards me!” he reassured.

Levi was amused. The younger male has been with three patients of what he knows, and he hasn’t been harmed unlike other doctor and nurses that first came here, just like [Name]. The ravenette deduced he was talented in some way, or just really lucky.

“Are you getting patients of upper floors?”

“Upper floors…? Uhm…” [Name] blinked, trying to remember the floors he meet his other patients. Armin was in a lower floor, Jean in the upper, Bertolt upper… “Two. But why is that important?”

He really doesn’t know this place. “No reason.” He tried to change the subject, “when and with you is your next session?”

[Name] took a look at the clock, and turned again. “In fifteen minutes with… Connie Springer.”

Springer… “Then you should get going. Clean all of your shit on the desk, it looks messy.” He ordered, hearing a stutterly “y-yes, Mr. Ackerman!” from the assistant. The ravenette only stood there, watching [Name]’s clumsy movements, trying to deduce the earlier thoughts he had about him. What did shitbeard look on him? “Let’s get going.”

[Name] stopped his actions, “are you… accompanying me?”

Rolling his eyes, Levi snorts. “Didn’t you hear me? I said let’s get going. Upper floor, I suppose?”

Nodding, [Name] stays in silence, unsure of what to do.

“What are you waiting for? Come on.”

The two left the room and walked in silence to the upper floor, until they stop in front of a door with two guards standing. Levi nods to them, and begins to walk away, and says, “see you in a few minutes.”

。。。。。

“Hello,” [Name] greets with a smile, as he opens the door, instantly catching the attention of a young man, who expression isn’t that joyful, and the assistant can catch the handcuffs he has. “I’m [Name], Dr. Jaeger—”

“Don’t care.” He interrupts. Glaring at the assistant, he proceeds, “and I know you don’t, either way.”

Not good, uh? No worries. “I certainly do. I’m here to help you, Mr. Springer.” He sits, smiling. Looks like Connie doesn’t seems reassured by it, though. “This is just a first meeting, to know each other!”

“I don’t want to know you.”

“Well, I do want to know you! Maybe we can talk about whatever you like, Connie.” [Name] smiles,

“I don’t need anybody!” Connie suddenly yells, slamming his hands on the table. [Name] jumps by the loud noise and fast movement, “I never needed anyone and I don’t need you!”

Closing his eyes, [Name] softly smiles. Though. “We need each other.” The sudden statement quiets the patient, and he looks at [Name] in confusion by his calm demeanor. “I need you, and you need me. Everything will work out in the end if the two of us help each other, Mr. Springer.”

The door slowly opens, revealing a guard pecking in, “do you need help here, doctor? We heard a loud noise.”

Shacking his head, the assistant answers, “there’s no need, thank you.” The guard nods, closing the door. [Name] turns his head to see Connie, who is quiet and thoughtful. He is frowning, but looks like he is considering the comment.

“I did what I have to do. They couldn’t see how great I was.” He whispers. “Nobody could see it— but I do. I don’t regret it.”

“I know you don’t.” [Name] didn’t exactly showed it, but the statement sent down his spine. He tried to hide it by staying still and unbothered, don’t knowing if he succeeded. “May I ask why?”

The patient snorts, “no, you may not.” He smirks, “we should talk more about me and not them.”

“Alright then. Let’s talk about Mr. Springer.”

“Finally someone appreciates my greatness on this stupid place!” He laughs, “maybe you aren’t that bad after all, doctor.”

The talk wasn’t that bad— Connie calmed down with the change of topic. [Name], like he thought at first, concluded Connie loved talking about himself and his achievements, just like another patient [Name] meet not to long ago. The assistant dropped some questions about his family to make sure the change of demeanor on the patient; and certainly, Connie’s anger showed instantly at the mention of his past actions.

The assistant didn’t exactly have a clue about what was Connie thinking. Yes, he was talking about himself like a mighty person, but his mind was thinking about the assistant. Finally someone who was not boring like the old doctors he had in the past. This one looked like he actually seemed competent enough to have interest on him— and like he said, he needed him.

He was needed.

The assistant looks a the clock and notices his time is over. Turning to the patient —who is still talking—, [Name] speaks, “It seems the session is over, Mr. Springer. This was a great talk.” The [hair color]-haired male stands up, and gives a smile that isn’t very well received.

“What? I don’t want you to go!” Connie’s voice gets higher, “you need me, remember?” Connie’s thoughts go overdrive; the doctor needs him, right?!

[Name]’s eyes widen, along with his mouth slightly open. But he remembers instantly the patient’s real feelings, and composes himself. Clearing his throat, the assistant speaks, “I said we need each other, Connie.” [Name] tries to calm him down, “I promise I will return soon. Sooner than you thought.”

Connie looks unsure— lips pressed and a frown are present on his face. It’s evident he doesn’t want him to go. [Name] patiently waits for an answer, “whatever. You will get sooner or later, after all, you are interested.” Connie smirks, and [Name] laughs.

“Sure thing, Mr. Springer.”

I’ll be waiting. After all, you said you need me.

。。。。。

“Done?” A voice says, making [Name] turn in surprise. He finds Levi, resting his back on the wall. The assistant nods, “let’s go then.”

“How was it?” Levi asks, looking ahead.

[Name] thinks for a moment— well, it could have been worse if Connie decided to let his emotions take control. “It was alright, he didn’t yell that much!”

Levi hums, “did you bring food this time?”

The young male keeps quiet and looks away in shame. “U-Uhm…”

“Unbelievable.”

。。。。。

Entering the cafeteria, the two instantly saw Mike already waiting. He waved, [Name] doing it in return too. Levi said to the assistant to sit with him, while he grabs his food and returns.

[Name] sits with Mike and smiles, “Hello, Mr. Zacharias!”

The taller man chuckles, “Just Mike is fine.” He takes a sip from his coffee, “nice to see you again. How has it been?”

“It’s been nice! Dr. Jaeger’s help has been huge. Mr. Smith’s too.”

Mike closes his eyes and smirks, “I bet.” The assistant blinks, tilting his head by the answer. Before he can say anything, Levi returns with the food, placing it on the table.

“Sucks for you if you don’t eat bacon.”

The taller male raises an eyebrow, “you didn’t bring lunch again?” the question gains a blush from the young man, shacking his head while he looks down in shame.

“This brat is clueless. Don’t expect us to share ours for  you everyday, airhead.”

“I’m sorry! That isn’t my intention by any means!” [Name] shakes his hands in front of him in denial, eyes widening and blushing. Seeing his gestures, Levi smirks, and Mike laughs.

“He’s just joking, [Name]. We don’t mind.”

“Speak for yourself.” Levi takes a bite of his sandwich, and he certainly catches his own liking by playing the assistant like this. He tries to hide his smirk while eating, succeeding.

“It’s not often I see you eating sandwich. You did it?” Mike asks, turning to Levi.

“Petra did it for me. Was going to ask Moblit to do it for me but she appeared out of nowhere and insisted. Not bad, though.”

Mike smirks, “I see she’s trying to get notices with food.” The comments gets a snort from the ravenette, who doesn’t say anything. [Name] simply looks confused but tries not to pry or ask, but Mike can see the young male’s lost expression. “Petra works in the same area Levi does, not his assistant, but she’s always helping him.”

Nodding, [Name] hums, “I see. Guess I haven’t met her yet.”

The ravenette takes half of his sandwich and hands it to the assistant, “here.”

Blushing, [Name] stutters, feeling bad. “I-I don’t want to take it, thanks!” He tries to say, but it looks like the ravenette is not buying it.

“Am I not your superior? Shit, this brat is more disobedient than I thought. Wonder how four-eyes works with you.”

[Name] instantly takes the food, flustered and embarrassed, “I will take it! Thank you, Mr. Ackerman!” He exclaimed, and immediately busies himself with the food, gaining a smirk from Levi and a laugh from Mike.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Anyways, [Name], how did you find the asylum?” Mike asks.

Gulping, the younger male answers, “I found an ad on the newspaper— actually got an answer right away!”

The taller man hums, closing his eyes. “I see.”

The rest of the talking is quiet, Levi and Mike chatting pleasantly with [Name]. They learn the assistant is not far from the asylum in a department building nearly outside the city.

“Is it full?” Levi asks.

“Not really. The building isn’t… in the best conditions, hehe.” [Name] nervously laughs, “there aren’t many people on the building, so it’s quiet.”

“So you don’t interact with your neighbors?”

“I do, actually. Only with a guy that is near my age, and a old lady that lives upstairs, but my other neighbors aren’t that… friendly.”

“I see.”

“Looks like lunch time is over,” Mike states as he sees the clock, “I have to met with Erwin right now. It was nice to talk to you, [Name]. See you soon.” He says, waving at the assistant, who waves in return with a smile.

“Need to go too. I don’t have free time now.” Levi says, “see you later.” He waves one time, and then leaves.

The assistant smiles— it seems being here would not be that bad, actually. He leaves the cafeteria, and spends his time on working on paperwork.

。。。。。

His shift is over. The assistant says goodbye to the workers he sees in the halls, and walks trough the path where the stop is. Sitting down, [Name] thinks of how his day went— it was… certainly normal. He couldn’t see or talk to his boss today, but that wasn’t much of a problem thanks to Levi’s and Mike’s help. He didn’t feel alone or stressed.

His mind was filled with thoughts of the patient, that he didn’t notice a black car stopping just in front of where he was, waiting on the bus stop. Until the unknown person lowered his window, and he honked, making [Name] jump in fear.

The young man lifted his gaze to meet the silver-gray ones, along with a smirk on his face— instantly recognizing it was Levi. “S-Sir?” Was he going to tell him something? Did he forgot anything?

“Get in the car.” The ravenette plainly ordered, unbothered. When he didn’t see the other moving, his eyebrow raised, “what? Never got a lift?”

“I-It’s alright, sir! I-I can wait for—”

“I said get in.”

[Name] was troubled— the idea of getting a lift was nice, but he didn’t want to bother him. But, it was him who decided to do it, right? It couldn’t be that bad anyways. “A-Alright.” He said, awkwardly getting in the car.

The interior looked impeccable— the car seemed brand new! There was a scent of mint, too. “Thanks a lot! Y-You didn’t ha—”

“It’s not a problem.” The car began to move, and an awkward silence overcome. “Where was it?” He asks, receiving a response with the address.

[Name] is busy looking down, his hands on his lap. There’s silence again, but the ravenette is fast enough to break it.

“Did you see four-eyes at all?”

“I couldn’t, unfortunately. Did you?”

Levi hides a smirk from appearing when he remembers how frustrated the blond doctor looked when he couldn’t even see for a second his precious assistant. He even grunted when Levi said he had lunch with him along with Mike, catching clearly the jealously coming from him.

“Yeah. He looked like shit as always.”

“I-I see…”

The car stops in front of a building— it looks old and not that clean. So that was he was talking about “not in the best conditions”. The building is the only one in the place, as it is surrender by shops a little far away from it. There’s absolute silence.

“Thank you and sorry for the trouble, Mr. Ackerman. I really appreciate your help.” The assistant smiles and opens the door to leave.

“Levi is just fine.” The ravenette speaks, “and I said it wasn’t trouble at all. Don’t get comfy, thought.”

“O-Of course not!” The younger says, flustered. He exits the car and closes the door. Clearing his throat, he speaks, “see you tomorrow, Levi.”

“Sure.” Is the only thing Levi says, watching [Name]’s form walking to the building. When he gets to the door, the assistant turns and waves at him, which Levi only nods in return. [Name] enters the building. disappearing from his sight.

The ravenette stays there for five minutes, gaze locked in the door the other went in. He can’t stand him living in this filthy building— so disgusting.

He begins to slowly drive away from the building.

Not that bad. He certainly has something I can’t see…

For now.

ok... i don’t want to be rude or anything but... why can’t some authors clarify reader’s gender??? u____u

is it too hard to add a “female!reader” at the beginning? We just assume reader always wants to go by she? like i’m chillin reading an ‘x reader’ as gender neutral and BAM u thought wrong fool: “she” “her” “pussy” like bro.... just... c l a r i f y p l s and give me the choice of not wasting my time and get annoyed 😭

Flower Curse | 5

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

f o u r

“And you say you have nothing important to do today?“ you asked, walking through the busy corridors beside Erwin.

“I didn't exactly say that,“ he replied, “yes, I have other matters, but you are more important than them.“

Blinking, you just nodded in acknowledge. The comment made you slightly surprised, but the feeling about how he worried about you made you warm.

“Did you say anything to Levi?”

“I just told him and Mike we were going to have some matters in Wall Sina,” he hold a smirk, “Levi actually looked taken aback for not bringing him, Mike just nodded.”

“Obviously. You two are always together, he knows something is up.”

“Indeed. He's irritated about how you ignore him,” he gave you a look, “you didn't see him all morning, right?”

The question made you scoff, “Of course not. Why would I want to see him if everything I do make the flowers arise? I just make my health worse by just looking at him.”

The reply only made Erwin humm, deep in thought.

Why would you see him? What good would be in that? He only hurted you— and he didn't even know. Every time he approached you, you just replied with short sentences and flew as fast as you could without looking at him. Even Hange and Moblit helped you out by calling your name or saying you were needed somewhere else, taking a nasty look from Levi every time. It was just little time about the ravenette's patience ran out.

A sudden memory from this morning came up to you.

////

You were currently walking in the corridor, with a mountain of paperwork between your hands. They needed to be finished soon— so you hurriedly walked to your office.

That would have been wonderful. But, lately, things going 'wonderfully' wasn't allowed in your life at any means,

"Oi. Where the fuck have you been?"

Wonderful.

"Levi! Nice to see you. Right now I don't have time, bye!" You tried to hurry the hell up and be as far as possible from him, but he is Levi. He doesn't let anyone escape from him.

"Hell with that. You have been avoiding me, why?" he demanded, harshly taking your arm and making you stop on your tracks. You almost fell if it wasn't for his strong grip — you believed there was going to have a bruise in a couple of minutes.

"Pff, avoiding you? Don't be ridiculous. I've been busy, now, if you excuse me..." Trying to get off from his grasp was impossible. He wasn't letting you walk off like other times, he was pissed.

His frown was more apparent than before, he was glaring straight at you. You could tell he was done playing games.

"Don't take me for an idiot, [Name]. It's been nearly one week and I've only seen you once. What's happening? Don't you dare fucking lie."

You frowned. You tried to play it off at first— but him wanting answers was getting on your nerves. Maybe you were acting selfish for not telling him anything — but you honestly didn't care for that. "I told you I've been busy. Don't you have nowhere to be?" You answered, gritting your teeth. He should be with his Petra right now, shouldn't he? Why was he looking for you?

Your answer only got him riled up, by the looks of his face. He took your collar with no care, making you drop some papers on the floor. Face to face, you could see how angry he was— his eyes were more than expressive, his mouth was pressed in a thin line and you knew he was holding back.

"What has gotten into you? You are not at the mess hall when I am, you don't train the cadets anymore and you certainly don't look for me. What's the goddamn reason? Answer me."

Before you could say anything, a certain couple came and interrupted your little 'fight'. Hange and her assistant, Moblit.

"[Name]!! I just was looking for you, lucky me!!" Noticing the state you were in, she placed an arm around Levi's shoulder and spook right on his ear, "Shorty!! Sorry for interrupting but little [Name] has to come with me~" She stated, smiling goofly.

Her actions made him snap at her and move his grip from your collar and arm, now placing them on the scientist's collar, sending her a murderous glare. "Listen here, shitty glasses— I'm not in the fucking mood right now so you better—"

As Levi spoke right in front of her face, Hange made a signal with her hand to make both of you leave while he was shortly distracted. Moblit helped you run the hell out of there, leading you to Hange's office, place you were stuck until Erwin came for you.

//////

Remembering the raven's iron grip on your arm made you touch it without thinking— suppressing a hiss when you felt pain. There was a bruise for sure, lucky for you. You barely were healed from your past injuries at the training grounds; with only yellowish bruises left on your skin. and ocassional pain when they were touched.

“Anyways,” you broke the silence, “how did you find Ziegler?”

“Some squads collected information from wall Maria, Rose and the underground. We eventually got something about him— he owns a bakery in Wall Sina, in Stohness District. He is also married.”

“Married, uh...” the thought about him carry on his life made you wonder of your own– would Levi do the same thing? Get married? “How old is he?”

“Sixty seven years old.”

“Damn, little Barry grew old. I wonder how his life has been after that..."

Before you could leave the place, one of your squad members called you with nervousness, making you turn around. Spotting a certain ginger girl with brown eyes shifting nervously, you blinked strangely.

“Uh? Trish, what's up?” you brightly asked, putting your usual façade instantly.

She saluted to the both of you, and then relaxed at Erwin's command. "The corporal has been asking for you! And he is more irritated than usual...” she looks around as if looking for him, “and is making all of us scared about what tasks are for us...” she sighed, “he even scolded Jaeger for just sneezing and made him do cleaning duty in all the castle by himself! He's terrifying today!”

You laughed, “Sadly, I can't go and see him right now. I have some urgent attends to attend to, so kindly say I don't time for him and to stop being an irritable piece of–” before you could finish your sentence, Erwin cleared his throat in a manner of ’hold yourself’, rolling your eyes you finished, “just say the first thing.”

“S–Squad Leader! He's going to have my head! I can't say that! Think about my life!” she desperately exclaimed, ignoring that her Commander was right there, thing that made you laugh more. Nevertheless, you hold your laugh as best as you could, “Trisha, I believe you are brave. Try to sugarcoat my words and I believe everything will be over. The sooner the better, right? Right. Bye–bye!” grabbing Erwin's arm, you practically ran out of there, ignoring the calls of help Trisha was yelling.

“B-but! Squad Leadeeeer!”

_________________

"We're here. Do we know where his house is at?" you asked, stretching your arms while looking around the District. It was pretty busy; people walking around, children playing... The usual within the walls.

"Yes. His bakery and house are close to each other, let's go." The blond said, already walking off. Hurriedly, you ran to his side, walking at his pace.

The walk was quiet— not that you complained. You were practically watching everything you could from this dristrict; afterall, it wasn't everyday you could go to Wall Sina as you pleased. Erwin was lucky to do that thanks to his rank as the commander.

It was easy to notice that Wall Sina was the most expensive and beautiful place between the walls. The ground's pattern looked pretty, the people here dressed very... eccentrically? And how they talked was 'sophisticated' in their little minds. They sounded ridiculous in your opinion.

You envied their ignorance for a second. How they could live as if people weren't scarifying their lives for theirs. And the mocky glares they sent to the both of you made your blood boil— before you could storm off right at their faces a hand grabbed your wrist, making you stop.

It was Erwin's. It was a strong hold, but not painful. He looked right into your eyes, and the pair of serene eyes that resembled the sky captivated you. Blinking, you just stared, waiting for a response.

"Calm yourself." Was the only thing he said.

Nodding, you closed your eyes and sighed, clearing your mind. Getting angry for things like this wasn't worth it— especially with what you were going trough. Opening your eyes you were met with his warmn gaze once again. This time no word left his mouth, he returned looking in front of him and began walking.

His hand never left yours.

_____\\\\______ "Here's the bakery, the house should be..." Erwin talked while you ignored him. Your attention was in the store in front of you— what seemed to be that man's bakery. Trought the glass you could see diverse pastries— cookies, pieces of a delicious chocolate cake and bread that looked freshly baked by its perfect looks. The scene made you practically droll— but some certain pink cookies caught your attention.

Pink cookies neatly placed on a small porcelain plate painted with small pink flowers you didn't recognize. It matched with the cookies themselves, because their surface was decorated with what resembled pink roses. The sudden image of flowers made you abruptly end your appetite, and out of curiosity you seeked the pastery's name.

Written so elegantly in white paper— the name was “Flowers of Darla”.

Gulping, your gaze traveled to the shop's name— as if you were going to see something you didn't want to, if that made sense.

“Darla's Pastries“

That was... unexpected and expected at the same time. Why would he name his store with her name? With what purpose?

The bell from the door alerted you of someone leaving the store— being that someone Erwin himself. You didn't even notice when he went into the bakery! "[Name], Ziegler's house is..." He stated, but before continuing talking he noticed your mouth suspiciously wet, making him raise one of his big eyebrows. "Your mouth is... wet. Here, let me..." He finished, holding your chin and taking from his jacket's pocket a handkerchief he carefully cleaned your mouth with, with a strangely soft gaze you never saw before.

Finishing cleaning your face like a mother would have done, you thanked him and both of you returned walking as nothing happened.

Nothing happened, right?

"Who was in the bakery?" You asked, looking at the blond's face.

"His son." He shortly answered, not leaving his gaze from the path ahead, making you wonder in your thoughts.

He had a family now. He didn't forgot about Darla— but he moved on. You didn't even know if Darla was dead or alive, but the ending chapter of the book surely pointed out that she was no longer in this world. You and everybody were sure that Darla was no longer than a memory— someone who just came and went.

The thought made you sad for her.

It looked like Erwin noticed your troubled expression; because he gently took your hand with caring and meet your eyes, that unlike his, yours were filled with anxiety and fear.

There weren't words needed, the warm touch was enough to calm you down and nod. He stared for a moment, before returning to walking. It was only a short walk now, because he stopped right in front of a house.

The house was like every other one of the district— white, looking impeccable and neat. The commander went to the door and knock it three times, with you nervously behind him. The door opened, revealing a chubby woman with brown hair tied up in a bun, leaving some revealing hairs on her sides and bun. Her gaze looked tired but gentle— hazel eyes sparking with life. She was dressed with a casual orange long dress, unlike some other you saw before.

"Hello, gentlemen. Can I help you?" She asked, smiling at both if you. You returned it with a smile that didn't reach your eyes.

Luckily, Erwin was a perfect example of how to talk with someone, because all of his demeanor changed into the "good charming guy".

"Good afternoon. We're looking for Barry Ziegler, is he home?" Erwin asked, returning the smile with one that looked very real. Better than yours, for sure.

"He is, what are you exactly looking him for, if I may ask?" The woman cautiously questioned, not that you blamed her. If two soldiers —and especially with one of them looking like shit— from the Survey Corps were looking for your husband who lived in Wall Sina, you would be weirded out for sure.

"We wanted to discuss something about his book— It's an important matter, so if you could notify him we would be grateful, ma'am."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment, before saying, "Alright, please come inside." She opened the door and made way for you two to come in. She closed the door once you were inside and said, "Have a sit, you can take some cookies if you want, Excuse me, I will talk to him." And with that went upstairs, disappearing from your sight.

The home looked... nice. The wall were painted in white with what seemed to be a roses pattern. At the center of the living room were two sofas, with a table on the middle. There was a plate with cookies on it— the same roses cookies you saw before, in the bakery.

There were some bookshelfs too, and a big window were you could see the pathway you were walking, but it was covered with curtains. There was another room that you guessed was the kitchen.

You sat down along with Erwin in one of the couches. Giving a look to the cookies made you hungry again, despite the fact of it's hidden meaning. Without thinking much you took one— hey, the woman gave you permission to eat, so why not? Taking a bite, your surprised gaze took the blond's attention, because your sudden change if demeanor made him raise an eyebrow.

"These cookies are..." you looked at him in awe, "very good." Blinking, you offered him your half eaten cookie, ignoring that there were others cookies he could take, "you have to try them, Erwin. This is the best thing I've ever eaten in my whole life." And you weren't lying— the pastry was something youi never tried before. Wall Sina was recognized by a lot of things, and one of them was it's pastries. But you never guessed it was that glorious, it was like... taking a bite of heaven.

Erwin couldn't stop letting out a chuckle. He took the cookie and ate it— you waited for any expressions he would make, but there was no change.

"It's good." He stated.

"Good?! It's fantastic! I want to eat hundreds of this!" You said, looking like a child in Erwin's eyes. You took more and more cookies, and some of it was left on the sides of your mouth, making a mess of yourself. Your expression was relaxed and smiley — you were in a bliss.

The sight of you made the blond stare at you. It was rare to see you relaxed lately— with all that was going on you couldn't catch a break and be yourself. Something that he... missed. He was always checking on you on all times, seeing if you were in pain or needed support, that you often did. He would held you when you would break; whispering things on your ear until you calmed down or fell asleep.

And watching you right now, like a child eating candy made his gaze softened. It was a moment he would treasure— forever, until his last day.

Looking at your joyful face made him spot the cookies' crombs on your cheeck and the sides of your mouth. And without taking his handkerchief, his hand approached your face, placing it on your cheeck and with his thumb cleaning your face. The action made you instantly look at him in confusion, but before both of you could do anything, the sound of someone coming downstairs made you two return to your serious faces and stand up from the couch.

Who came down was an old man— his hair was all grey, he had a beard and wore glasses. His wife was accompanying him.

The man looked at both of you with an expression you couldn't catch. "Hello, gentlemen. Please, sit down." You obeyed him, looking curiously at him.

"I will go to the bakery, I have to see how Thomas is doing," his wife said, smiling at both of you before leaving.

Both of you returned your attention to the man— who sat down on the other couch across yours. "I'm Barry, but I guess you already know my name."

"Yes. I'm Erwin Smith and he is [Name] [Last Name], pleased to meet you, Barry." Erwin said, looking directly at Barry. "We're are here to discuss some matters of your book."

"I've never had soldiers coming on my house to discuss on my works before. This is quite... surprising." The writer stated, raising an eye brow.

"Well, this is an important matter. But we don't want to discuss the book itself; we want to talk about something that was touched in your work."

"And wich of my works are you talking about? You have to be more specific."

"Hanahaki Curse, sir."

When Erwin said the title of the book, Barry's face changed from relaxed to one of surprise, and then, sadness.

"Aah... that one," he closed his eyes, "what do you want to discuss from it?"

"Was it... was it all real?" This time you asked, a little unsure.

He let out a sigh, and replied, "Why would you think that? All of my works are fictional."

You gulped, "Because I have the curse."

He instantly opened his eyes, widening them as if he was in disbelief. There was a minute of silence, and then the man talked again, cautious. "You... have it?"

Nodding, he sadly sighed. "I see." Rubbing his temples, he got up from his seat and went to the window, taking the curtains off. He stand there, looking at the outside. "What questions do you have for me?"

"Where is Darla?" you asked.

"Gone." He replied, "She never stood a chance. Nobody does, usually."

You winded at that; nobody lives.

"Aren't there no survivors from this?" Erwin questioned, "Then, how do you know for the flowers to cease, you have to be loved back?"

"That's because the only living proof I knew was Darla's mother." He placed his hand on his back, thoughtful. "She was the only person I knew. I've knew three people that had this; Darla's mother, Darla, and one of my close friends."

"Did he make it?" you asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, he didn't." He turned at you, "This illness is so rare. The last time I heard from it was thirty years ago. But now... here you are."

"Why doesn't every person who isn't reciprocated has this?"

"I don't have an answer for that."

You were getting desperate. "And doctors? What do they say? I'm sure they have investigated something, right?"

"I'm afraid not. This... topic is forbidden to talk about, the King itself doesn't want anyone aware of it."

"What? The King covers this? But with what reason?! If this was know, maybe the doctors could do something to fix it!"

"[Last Name], humanity right now needs more population. What would people do if they knew about this?"

What would they do...? Well, they would be more cautious to love someone else... and if they were more scared of love, then...

"People would fear falling in love with someone, and then nobody would..."

"Exactly. Nobody would want to be with someone if there is a chance to die like that. Even if the chances of having the illness are slim, the King doesn't want to take chances." He returned to his seat and proceed, "I almost got in trouble for writing it, actually. But, explaining my reasons and saying all was fictional, worked. The Military Police can be... like talking to animals. They don't want to hear you— the King's word is always final."

"That's... nuts! And— and there isn't anything I could do about it?! I have to wait until I die?!" you exclaimed, getting nervous and scared. "There's no cure?! Anything?!" Your hands turned into fists, turning them white by your force. Erwin tried to calm you down, placing a hand on your shoulder.

"I refuse to believe that," Erwin stated, looking at Barry, who eyes were saddened, "there has to be something else."

"You already heard the cure. The one you love has to reciprocate your feelings— no surgery has never been done before. That, is impossible."

"That... that can't be..." you murmured, covering your face with your hands.

"What about Darla's mother?"

"She's gone, too. Quickly after Darla passed, she did aswell." He looked in thought, and snapped his finger when he remembered. "Let me get something, I will be right back."

He left upstairs.

You suffered, trying to hold the tears that wanted to get out. Erwin only squished your shoulder in silence.

Barry returned with a book on his hand, and placed it on the table. "This was... Darla's journal." he passed his hand on it, with a soft gaze. "Martha, Darla's mother, gave it to me when Darla passed. She said to me that... I had to have it."

Signing, you tried to stay mentally strong and not to break. Erwin's warming touch was the only thing in this goddamn room helping you stay sane. Relaxing your hands, you looked at the older man, waiting for an explanation.

He approached the book at you, "And now I'm giving it to you." Hearing that, your eyes widened.

"Giving it to me? Why? Darla was no one to me— I... I don't have the right to have it."

A sad smile formed on his lips, looking at the journal with melancholia. "You have it now," he said, "you now understand what she went trough— This old man doesn't have to keep this no more, there is no use of it for me."

Unsure, you took the journal with caring. "How... how did you find out...?"

"That she died because of me?" You nodded, "her mother told me just when she passed away... I was wondering why she was avoiding me every day..." He slightly smiled, looking lost in thought, "when I found out I was devasted. I didn't even understand what Martha was explaining to me.

A girl throwing up flowers just because her love isn't reciprocated? Impossible — That's a thing you read in fairy tales. But, I guess the world has been more fascinating lately, right?" he let out a dry laugh, looking at the two of you. "I wish things would have been different."

"Would you have loved her back...?" you kindly asked.

Sighing, he closed his eyes and replied, "I'm afraid not. The one I fell in love with was my actual wife, Lily. If Darla would have told me she loved me, it would have been the same answer she knew all along."

You gulped, feeling cold all of sudden. There was no way out— no doctors, no cure, no love... you will die. You will.

"I... see..." was the only thing you could say. Thought of your final days were flashing through your mind; would it be peaceful? painful?

"We don't have more questions. We should leave, we are thankful of your time." Erwin said, helping you stand. The blond noticed how you were in a slight state of shock.

"No, my apologies for not giving you the answers you wanted." The old man took a small box; it was white and decorated with flowers. "Here," he gave it to Erwin, "I noticed your friend liked them– that's the only thing I can give."

Erwin took the box and thanked him. Barry opened the door but before you could leave, he stop you both. "Ah! Now that I remember... There is a doctor in Wall Rose— Timothy Eisenhower, an old friend of mine. He has been investigating this illness, but with no patients there's no way to know if a certain surgery will work." He explained, "here, let me write his direction..."

At least, hearing that a doctor was investigating this horrible thing made you slightly relieved. Nevertheless, knowing that if a surgery never done before was the only way, you knew that was as risky as being outside fighting titan in an expedition. Dangerous.

"If you go with him tell him that you know me. He has been cautious about this— with the King's word and all."

"Of course, thank you again, sir."

"Don't thank me. I hope everything goes well for you."

Hope wasn't helping you at all. _____________________ "What should we do now?"

"Return to the barracks. It's late, and with the expedition around the corner I have to get everything on time."

"Yeah, the expedition..." Will you be able to be ready for the expedition? Nothing did matter anymore. If a titan or the flowers killed you, it would be the same. You will die anyways, right?

"Let's not forget Eisenhower. I will write a letter for him— maybe Hange and you can meet him tomorrow, if everything goes well."

"Well, I'm not getting my hopes up. A surgery never done can kill the patient too." Letting out a humorless laugh, you said, "but I dont have nothing to lose, right? I'm dying anyways."

"We don't know what will happen, let's get to every possible way to fix this, [Name]."

"Sure thing, Erwin..." ________________ Twilight. Were you really that late? How many hours you were outside? Time seemed too short, but maybe it was just you.

After returning to the castle, Erwin went to his office and you went directly to your office. Well, tried to. A certain grumpy short man was just waiting for you outside your office; arms crossed and looking pissed. Yahoo, what else could go wrong today?

"Hello, Levi." You greeted, trying to open the door but the ravenette was blocking your way with his entire body on the door. "Can I enter my office, please? I'm exhausted."

"You didn't give me a explanation before leaving. Now we are here, without any distractions— so tell me, what are you hiding?" He glared straight at you, no sign for moving. You were getting exasperated.

"Explanation for what? I already told you I have been busy, holy shit." You replied, "can you move already? You are in the goddamn way." Now it was your turn to glare at him; you were done playing nice.

"What the fuck has gotten into you? You look sick, you don't talk to me. You have been acting like a goddamn child; explain what the hell is happening." He harshly took you by the collar, getting close both of your faces, "Where did Erwin and you go? When I was looking for you, Trisha just told me you couldn't see me. But why exactly?"

Gritting your teeth, you replied, "that's none of your fucking business, Levi."

The reply only made him riled up, because he grabbed your collar and slammed you against the wall, making you grunt. Uh oh— the flowers were awaken once more, you could feel inside, wanting to get out.

"Hell with that — it is my fucking business, you piece of shit. You better watch—"

"Levi, in my office right now."

Hearing your savior, Erwin, made you sigh in relief. You didn't know how or why he appeared right in time— maybe because he was going to check on you? In any case, you silently thanked him.

Levi frowned, he was truly pissed about the two of you getting interrupted; he wanted answers but it seemed impossible. He glared at Erwin, still grabbing you by the collar. "No. No until [Name] explains—"

"What I said was an order." Erwin demanded, with an aura of intimidation that got you uncomfortable. Levi only grunted in irritation, and took you a last harsh glance before letting you go. He walked away, and before Erwin did too, he gave you a strange look you couldn't really decipher.

Without taking more time, you opened the door and closed it when you were inside; locking it. In an instant you were throwing up all of the flowers inside you— purple flowers.

Patting, you stayed kneeled on the floor, trying to catch your breath. Your only thought was "Why can't I stop loving him?"

Yeah, why you couldn't? You knew he didn't love you— so what was the reason for still being in love with him? Was it love stronger than your hatred? How so? You just wanted to get cured; free from this horrible illness. But that seemed impossible. Why was it that hard to stop loving? Why, why you love him so much...?

Why was this a punishment? Why you couldn't just... love him from afar? Why you were so unlucky that you got this curse? Why? What did you do?

You got up with the strength you had left— taking the journal from your pocket and placing it on the desk, you sat down, looking lost.

"I'm... tired." Was the only thing you say, before everything went black, and you dreamed about better things and a joyful life.

Without noticing, a tear escaped.

Petunia: The petunia symbolizes resentment and anger.

s i x

when you’re trying to write and your last two functioning brain cells start yelling at each other

Ahh I just wanted to say that I love your writing especially your asylum series, your writing is so pretty and soft (If that even makes sense) it makes me smile everytime I read it! Keep up the good work ❤❤❤🖤🖤

awww thank you very much!! this means a lot to me ;D i know it has it's flaws, but im so happy you seem to like my writing! 💖 again, thank you! ♡

Flower Curse | epilogue

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

s e v e n

"Is not your fault, you know, eyebrows?"

He lets out a bitter chuckle, not looking at him. Erwin looks at the pile of papers on his desk, lost in thought. It's been two weeks after what happened.

"I knew my luck will run out one day. Nevertheless, I thought a titan would do the job, not some fairy tale."

The room is cold. Even if it’s a sunny day and it's hot outside, this room remains cold. There's no warm in here, and he notices.

"Is Nora eating well? Oh man... I told her I was going to see her after talking to the doctor. I hope she's not angry."

Ah, your horse. Nora wasn't that energetic after not seeing you for a long time. Even now, nobody can approach the horse without her freaking out, not even for giving her food. It was a difficult task, but thanks to a cadet named Christa the horse could eat. Erwin didn't blame the poor horse wanting to see her owner.

"How is everyone doing?"

Erwin had to tell the soldiers why one of the squad leaders wasn't going to be with them no more— so everyone who was involved in your situation accepted to just tell everyone it was just an unknown illness. Obviously, they weren't happy and some didn't fully believe it, but nothing could be done.

Hange and Moblit stayed in the laboratory, trying to distract themselves with anything they could do. It wasn't a hard task— they were in a tough situation, with how the expedition went and all.

Mike and the others higher ranks just stayed silence, moving on. This wasn't any different, right? Plenty of soldiers lose their lives, and everyone was forced to move on. It's just how it is.

Levi was the one who distanced himself, making everyone go away by hiding in his office. Hange had to check on him, bringing food and receiving yells for coming in. Thankfully, the man finally left his office and returned to his duty, just like everyone else.

There were moments when the ravenette went to Erwin and talked in some nights, but the shorter man seemed out of it.

"What would have happened if I just noticed sooner?" Levi asked, looking at the horizon, deep in thought.

The blond just sighed, "I don't know. What would you have done after knowing his feelings?" Erwin too thought about what could have been if something was done sooner, but "what if" wouldn't bring you back.

Levi just stayed silent, thinking. Would the outcome have been any different? He realized about your feelings when you yelled at him, and he really thought about it all night. But a certain girl never left his side, making him feel warm. He couldn't decide his feelings for you, but he cared about you dearly. Levi even thought about there could be something if he talked to Petra about his thoughts, but what happened made everything change.

"Maybe there was a chance for him and I." He answered.

Erwin just hummed, "then he would be here with us."

The ravenette closed his eyes, frowning. "I regret what I said at that time."

"I know."

"And you? How are you doing? You look like shit, my friend, But hey— you still look good, don't get me wrong!"

Yes, him. What did he do? Clearly, he had to move on and forget his feeling for the sake of humanity. It was a harsh truth, but this curse wasn't going to kill him when he and everyone around him were in a critical moment. So he hardened his heart, not forgetting about you but his feeling for you.

"I don't blame you. I wish I could have done the same."

Nevertheless, it was hard. He realized at the moment when you were in danger, that he was in love with you. When he saw you scared on the floor, he had to protect you at all costs.

When he saw how broken you were, he tried to pick all of the pieces, but he couldn't do a thing to make you feel better. He wanted to help you, make you happy. But when the book's author told you the truth about that girl, it all went straight to hell.

He wished he could have done things quicker— look for the doctor and find out if there was a cure or not. But everything went down too quickly, leaving this outcome.

"Still, I'm rooting for you, Erwin. I know you are strong. Levi is strong too— but you know how he bottles up his feelings. Please, stay together and help each other. And don't forget my name!"

"I will never forget you, I can't." The blond said, looking in front of him. "Even now, I still can hear you." He saw a glimpse of a smile at the corner of his eyes. He tried to look behind him, looking for you.

But the door opened, making the room warm again.

“Who were you talking to? I heard your voice.” Said a certain ravenette, giving the blond a frown.

The blond sighed, rubbing his temples. “I was just mumbling to myself.” He stands up, looking at the shorter man, “we need to get going. It’s time.” And then, he leaves the room without giving it a second glance.

Levi stands there for a second, looking around the room. For just a moment, he swears he sees a glimpse of someone standing near the window, but the sun’s rays blinds him. The only thing burning his mind was a certain smile he misses, but just as he saw it, it disappeared in a blink.

The man blinks, trying to focus his vision. He desperately looks for a certain someone in the window, but there was no one in the room— Just him.

A voice behind him says, “Something wrong? We have to go.”

The black haired man just hums, taking a glance to the window, “Nothing… I thought I saw something. Nevermind.”

Turning around, he closes the door behind him. Standing beside Erwin, both of them already walking in silence.

And just like a sound from the wind, they could hear a small gentle voice say:

“See ya.”

The two didn’t say anything, and just kept walking, deep in thought.

???

hey, i love flower curse and i'm currently on chapter 5 so far... but i noticed that your works arent really getting that much recognition :,( i have a few suggestions to get more notes?? but only if you're interested in hearing them :0 otherwise, just wanted to tell you your writing is fantastic :)))

omg thank you so much! you are really kind.sure! i really im not familiarized with posting on tumblr, so any advice is appreciated! :Dagain, thank you so much, i’m happy you are enjoying flower curse! <3

Childhood sunrays

He was seven when he first met you. He was the little boy, who dressed prim and proper and had a fitting face, though sullen.

His father was an honest professor that taught the elite and propitious, those in the privileged life. He, ignoring the threats and pleas, never shied away from the reality of the world.

He would spend hours on the injustice to the poor, government reforms, and political ideas too ‘radical’ for the school.

He would always get permission to get into his lectures and he would be so memorized when the topic evolved into something so fundamentally different that you had to wonder about it until days later.

And that itself caused tension between his peers. Erwin knew it stemmed from fear and insecurity— he was a seven-year-old kid who was known to outshines his elder peers who were groomed to be the best of the best, so he understood very early on how pride lead you in a leash.

With bruised knees and a bleeding lip, Erwin was chased to the unsavoury and poorer parts of town, house projects run down with green moss growing on the sides and grass unevenly and overgrown. It had its discarded concrete sidewalks cracked and uneven from the time.

He knew his father was sick with worry. Frantic, possibly.

But he also only has known the white washed walls and red bricks of home where nothing ever changes in its constant loop. Knowledge is power, and curiosity is the driving compass.

Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back, as the saying goes.

A chained dog ran in up front, started to bark frantically, mad, only the old chained fence acting as its last barrier. Erwin froze, terror locking his muscles and a tremor broke out, stuck in front of the water down house with no lights on.

Only for the dog to run away as an orange peel thrown into its way.

His saviour was swinging his feet against the chain fence, with ripped jean shorts and a t-shirt too big for you. You had orange peels in one hand and the other gripped to balance.

“Hey, are you sure you ain’t lost?” His childish voice, high and confident, brought and hooked you to the reality.

“I’m sure, thank you for your concern.” His shaken voice, still present, but netherless grateful. You frown, tilting your head if to better understand.

“I mean, you walked this way, like, three times.” You hold your fingers up ( a cheap bandage clinging on with God’s miracle ) as if to better understand, he held his gaze for a moment or two, breaking contact to look at his clothes, tender red knees and busted lip.

“Oh.”

You sigh, swinging down from the gate and arching your back, you look at him with a perplexing look, “Well then, c’mon we got a date to go to.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Under the searing sun of the summer of ‘96, you led way through roads Erwin was a stranger to. You were patient with him, and you were keeping pace with him, and your grip was neither chafing nor bruising. But yours were messy hands.

Messy with the sticky feeling of oranges, and cheap crayola crayons, with a too big shirt and choppy, uneven hair that somehow suited you.

Every motion you created was an animated picture, and it made him want to follow your every move, a dance of two.

You are a tour guide in this turning world, like in the first meeting, you hold his hand as you walk and talk through he neighbourhood. Talks about Mrs. Jones— the old lunch lady with tattoos and a motorcycle she lets the kids play with, to old man Joe, the man lost it in the war and got a silver tooth, you say.

It’s all chaotic and wild, but you move through it all as if it’s as flexible and easy as water.

Erwin’s father breaks into wild sobs as soon as he saw his son being led back into the safety of their home. He was too close on calling the police when a boy holding his son’s hand asks for him.

You’re this split-second burst of color that suddenly erupted out of nowhere, and before he could even think, you were already gone. You always were.

Melting into everything, into his hindsight, into the deepest trenches of his memory. You were so abrupt, and blinding, and you made his chest feel weird and you had this presence that both terrified and confused him for some unknown reason.

Through his teenage years, he and you would grow closer. Flashes of memories snapped and froze to twinkle, from the time you and him snuck into a movie, to the time you were forced to get a hair cut and "ran away” to his house.

Childish naïve, as they played tag under the golden rays of the sun set, and counting the bugs underneath the rotting wood with the stars above them. You said that if you squint hard enough, they look like porcupines dancing with each other.

You, in his humble opinion, feels like running away, but not the real kind. More like how you saw it in childhood movies. Running to endless woods that hid magical adventures, running to hills filled with flowers and frogs and grasshoppers. Happy ignorant and not having to prepare but knowing the future of everlasting happiness and sunshine.

He wished he prepared more.

——

New York is a city too big for one, yet ironically too small for Erwin.

His works circle towards bringing down the corrupt, from CEO’s to the politicians and the rich and influential. He works here because its his duty and passion. (But his head is whispering haunting promises of city lights of a boy with ambition in his eyes.)

The percentage of even meeting you again, after all these years is mathematically impossible, how could he? When he left, he wonders, if you still think if him as his childhood friend or imagination of what he could have been.

His wishes ended up being manifested as a piss thrown bagel.

He was walking through the crowds, leaning thinner than other days when a half-eaten bagel lands on his shiny expensive leather shoe.

He grimace, Hange crackling in the background and Levi tsk with murmuring under his breath.

He looks up, scanning for the culprit, noises in New York are always blended but a voice sticks out from the rest. ( young and deep, a paradoxical dream, he knows this voice ) Arguments, insults and loud voices, he brings his attention to the couple in front of him, and—

The countless heads of ongoing bystanders, and yet. You. With the hair that catched the sun’s eye, and the wind’s kiss blows.

“Y/M!”

You, with caramel factories in your pockets, and rainbows stains on your fingertips, turn around and all breathing is sucked from the tunnel vision of you.

Your hair is longer, less wild and free, and your face contoured with more chiseled since your childhood days. But your freedom of expression is painted in your face.

Surprise, confusion, and realization.

“Erwin? Erwin Smith is that you?!” Your pitch rose as your entire being rose with it, your eyes widen and crinkled, blooming like the dandelions on spring.

“Oh lord, it’s really you!” You ran, skipping through the lady’s threshold, and Erwin already dropped his briefcase as he opened his arms as wide as he could to catch the wild storm of colors that you were.

You hit him with all your force, and from that force of reality that sucked all breath from him, he finally thought he knows what home really is. (He remembers, they were sprawled out on your couch, facing each other, smiling like idiots, mouths stretched so wide our cheeks ached with the strain. )

I often fantasize about how life would be like with you.

“My god! Jesus, I haven’t seen you, in what? Six, seven years? Look how much you grown!” You pull away just slightly, still entrapped in his arms, as you take a good close look at him for the first time.

And Erwin stares. Stares because in these streets that blur in the background, he can smell the orange soda that you drank under one gulp for a bet and the crackers that you hid away for the zombie apocalypse prep. And then he realises that he is staring.

“I— yes. We, I mean, I did grow. With, uh, food.”

You laugh, and your laughter feels like a dying sunrays directed at him. Like blooming flowers, and with his limited vocabulary he fumbled out the crooked, vague, feeling that waved through his teeth. When was the last time he was swooned by your laughter?

You move to speak, and he unconsciously lean forward as if seeking a place to rest, as a shriek of your name breaks through this haze of whatever overcame you two. You blink, your face realizing your situation, and your expression drops, like his stomach, unto one of uncomfort and annoyance.

You lean forward and in an entirely exaggerated expression, you crestfallen sigh, “Hear that, Erwin? It’s the devil calling my name.” A sharp tug, what else could if be? A sharp poke at his tender heart, do you hear that? A taunting voice, he’s preparing to leave again.

You lean back, tilting your face in the same way when he met you and smile such a sad smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Erwin. Don’t be a stranger yeah?”

His finger twitches, his lips parting in anticipation, but he closes in remorse.

“Yeah, let’s.”

But as you start to pull away, you move with just speed and color as you pull put a sharpie from your pocket. And he’s taken back to your phase of always carrying candy in your pockets, no matter the event or temperature.

“Here,” you hold your hand out, and Erwin isn’t even aware as he instantly drops his whole hand in yours.

The blank ink stings his eyes, as numbers shaped his hand. A smily face, wobbly and silly, is at the end.

Your face almost splits in half as you smile up at him, “Don’t forget to call me tonight, yeah?”

He nods silently, not trusting his words clearly, as you waved through the crowd back to the woman who started to hit you in the head. He takes a step forward, and you throw your head up and start to taunt her as you start to run away.

Reminds you of the time you used to throw orange peels at his peers. You turn around for a second and smile one last time and wave a goodbye, and just like his hindsight, you were a hurricane of color that picks him up and disappears immediately.

Even though his colleagues watched their interaction between a well-known blank mask to a complete stranger, he throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh from the credence of his chest. He could act all stoic but his heart doesn’t feel stoic enough to make him serene.

He pockets his hand and ignores the shouts of Hange, and the silent eyes of Levi that probe him for his unanswers questions.

His steps feel lighter.

——

I don’t know if i should, like a part 2, or a pov of the reader. I dunno. I’ll go and sleep.

Love isn’t everything

soulmate au.

You stared at the baby blue sky, the grass blades sticking through the fabric of your shirt as you roll to your stomach to watch the dandelions still waiting to bloom.

A red string appeared.

It swirled and twisted around your finger like a smoke way downwards and away to somewhere you couldn’t even bother to know.

You had a soulmate now. You growl in annoyance, bringing the edges of your palm against your eyelids and dig them deep until you see the blue and red cluster of dots flying through the darkness. How could this happen?

Just as you, finally, settled into your skin and thought you were okay being soulless. That was fine. You were proud of it ! Not be chained down by another person who could be anyone, to be chained to a stranger that had so much damn control in your life. Peace!

And then the universe throws this bullshit at you.

Great !

You didn’t mean to murder someone in your past live, or step on a puppy, because this red string means that everything you went through— the bullies, the family, the struggles, the 3 a.m. thoughts, was for nothing.

That, in the end, all that you went through was to be suddenly washed away by the magical power of love and you’ll settle down, abandon your dreams, and marry some fucking stranger.

Weren’t parents always preaching about white vans and strange men, but go all kumbaya when a string gets involve.

It gets your blood pumping, your teeth grinding and you look at the red string wrapped around your finger and wished the color of your soul mate was the same when you spilled it in the ground.

The clouds above float so lazily, carefree and you, not for the first time, wish you too could just float away and leave the problems that chain you.

One of those chains went by the name of Responsibilities. And it was ringing through your phone, vibrating in your pocket, calling you forth.

You fished it, lazily, not even bothering to see the name of the number, as it wasn’t even a second before the screaming match started.

“WHERE ARE YOU? Do you not REALISE what today’s date is?! We have investors coming today! And where are you?!”

You sigh, already exhausted the moment you pressed the answer button. Yes, you remember today’s date as you haven’t had a decent lick of sleep preparing to the lead up of the meeting.

You are a shitty artist, with a shitty life and little pay.

“Why do you even want me there? I already painted all the art you wanted, let the others deal with those vultures.”

You truly did put as much effort into those paintings, making everything you could squeeze from the dry towel of creativity.

“They requested you by name! They’re interested! And that means money!”

“So?”

“Y/N!”

You pull the phone away from your throbbing ear, grimacing at the thought of facing your dealer on a Monday.

“Okay, okay, I heard you. I’m coming over now,” With that, you hanged up and with it all the hopes that you could rest.

You look down at the red string. You tisk in disgust and start walking towards your doom.

___

Never in your life did you think that you wanted to hang out with homeless people before. They’re an interesting type of people, with equally interesting stories to tell. Maybe if you had stayed in the park, you could have gotten the chance to hang with them.

It could have been ten thousand times better than the shitty situation you were in.

Turns out, you were going to the investors, not the other way around. People talked pleasantly, light laughter and prim and proper of a polite society. And here you were, a bright fish out of water.

You kept your gaze downwards, sitting in the dark corner, away from the big crowds. A cold drink being steadily warmed through your gripping hands, as the boredom started to mix with anxiety like a bad cocktail.

This isn’t exactly what you imagined. You thought of fancy suits and fancier dresses with butlers and waitress with drinks at hand. Well, they have all the above, but not once has anyone said anything to you. Or even pointed or looked your way.

But the red string is still there, taunting you with each passing second you stare at it. Bloody thing still wrapped itself around your finger, not actually touching your skin but close enough to tug at you.

You hate it.

Oh well, at least there were free drinks here. It’ll be long over if you can just stand there with your eyes cast down, not making a fuss. Which was all going pretty well in your humble opinion, when the cursed string tugged at you.

You seethed silently, wishing it would just stop– when it suddenly tugs harder again, snapping your eyes upwards.

And find your soulmate is staring at you. Maybe its the wine in your system, but time slowed down, just for the two of you, the glow of the low lights shining through his back and casting an angelic form for his blond hair. He too, look surprise, his grip on the glass drink fell loose, (he has the bluest eyes) shattering the trance that got you thinking the strangest things.

As people around him gasp and try to help, crowding around him, you snatch the opportunity with both hands and fast walk the hell out of there.

With hands trembling, you fumble out a text saying a quick sorry for your shitty dealer/friend, knowing this was important to her. You would even donate more time, just make it up to them.

A hand blocked your exit.

You jerked around, armed and ready to give whoever a piece of your mind, when you froze at the small man blocking your way. He was glaring exclusively at you, his dark eyes pinning you with ease.

“Excuse me, but I’m trying to–”

“You aren’t going anywhere without talking to Erwin.” You tilt your head in confusion, opening your mouth to maybe sway him he has the wrong person, only to shut it when the man at the other end of the string starts walking this way.

Panicking, you smile in apology as you rip the door open, pushing him aside so quickly the poor man stumble and cussed.

You didn’t even made to be steps outside when a body crashed into your right side, with such brutal force it left you gasping and swaying in your feet. Shitty balance!

Your hands instinctively grabbed anything to stop the date with gravity, then you’re holding a warm hand as your eyes look up to your saviour.

You just noticed how blue his eyes are. Strong jaw, and contoured chiseled face, lips full and with those eyes just staring at, what feels like his soul piercing.

Warmth rushes through your face, snatching your hand away, just to see the barest little string between you. God, you were staring.

But before you could make a classic Hollywood escape, the same hand caught your elbow as you were turning.

“Please, could we just talk?”

Jesus, even his voice is nice; Deep and just your type. This is a cliche, a teenager’s wet dream, but you live in reality and that means not talking to strangers. But you stumble through your words.

“Uh— I mean, I got, a, um, date. And well, I can’t stay here? I, uh, really nice seeing you. I’m sorry, uh, I gotta roll. Dude.” You blurted so much bullshit, you wondered if he was going to call you out from just smelling it. The smaller (midget, your mind snarked) man glared at you with such vengeance and hate, that maybe, yeah, leaving would give you the best chance of survival.

And now, you could see a woman, the thing that hard slammed you in the side, still grinning in victory.

The man’s face (your soulmate, your heart whispered) fall into devastation. It almost, too close, cracked your face, letting go of your tangled fears, but then you caught yourself in the flashes of memories of bullies, and spite ran through your chest.

“I— I am sorry. I—” The ringing of your phone has never felt so relieving. You fumbled through your jeans, shaking hands opening it to be greeted by a old friend in the same industry. His hand fell limp in his side.

“Hey, Y/N! Sorry for calling so late but—”

“Hey, sweetheart, yeah, I know I’m late. I’m sorry, I’ll call you and explain this later, please call me back?”

“Um, what the fuck? Uh, sure.”

You hang up, breathing hard and scratch your cheek, not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry, look— I haven’t really settled down for this? I — Jesus.” 

This is a mess, you need to get the fuck out of here. That must have bleed into your face, because his grip was back with vengeance, holding a grid tight hold to you. You jump back in surprise.

“Please, just your name. That’s all, please?” It’s so weird, the man looks like he belongs among the CEO’s of New York, the top dogs that are miles apart from the normal joe like yourself. It strange, seeing him so crumbled and desperate for such a simple thing. 

“I’m y/n,” You whispered like holding into a secret, childish and  — wait a fucking moment, did you just tell him your name? Without you realizing it?

“Erwin, I’m Erwin Smith. Can we please talk Y/N?”

Well shit.

—

Pt.2