Over 6 Months In The Making (mostly Bc Procrastination) But I Finally Compiled My Kanto Gym Leader Magazine

Stormlight Archive brain mush. SPOILER THOUGHTS.

Can we talk about Kaladin "I had nine carefree days after going off the deep end and trying very hard to kill myself before deciding to sacrifice myself to save all the spren with my fingers crossed that the Wind and insane as fuck Ishar had a plan for it to not result in my eternal torture" Stormblessed??? That boy is not right in the head. And not because he suffers from PTSD and depression, but bc he thinks nine days of sorta fun is enough for him to know anything about self care.

That poor sweet (not?) gloomy asshole.

Kaladin Stormface in the Way of Kings: Ain't no way this little wind spren is capable of human speech

Kaladin in Wind and Truth: So when I played the flute I got from the immortal trickster, I got to talk to The Wind™️ and she told me that the whole gaddamn pantheon of eternal saints needs therapy which I only invented less than a week ago. Hope the world doesn't end before I can get around to that.

Looking back at Wind and Truth, I'm really glad I didn't reread any of the previous Stormlight books since Branderson had graciously decided to send half of the characters to the fucking Flashback Realm™️ so that you are essentially forced to reread all of the important scenes anyways...

ishar: behold the power of my Mega Depression!! you cannot possibly--

kaladin: yeah, yeah. the Mega Depression. we've all felt it. anyway, here's wandersail

I don’t care how many times Brandon Sanderson describes this man with hair covering his scars. I just can’t imagine Kaladin with bangs 💀💀

(Also I have a few more character designs ready to post in the next couple of days. So follow for more!)

Nah, all those other women were just Kaladin training for the real prize: Shallan's Mom

Truly amazing how Kaladin MostElegibleBachelor Stormblessed fumbled SO many baddies in the span of like 3 years (Tarah, Moash, Shallan, Adolin, Lyn) but Szeth McSerial Killer managed to lock down the first elegible woman he met after his Main Quest was over

No arm, no powers, 195 felonies on his record, BALD, but he still got his lady 🫡🫡🫡🫡 Truly a Chad.

Happy Stormlight 5 release day everyone!!! The trio is BACK

I love this fandom so much <3

Cosmere Secret Santa

I did this last Christmas as well, but this one will be different, as I'm once again using a randomizer to choose characters. For the record, I didn't fix the results except to omit anyone who appeared in last year's list and to nix any repeats in this one. Let's see what gifts they choose!

Thanks to @imtheseventh for requesting that I do this again! :)

1. Marsh gives Spook...a book

Spook: Oh, thank you, but I think Kelsier already got me this book? Marsh: Look more closely. Spook: [holds up two books side by side] Spook: See? Kelsier got me Hemalurgy for Dummies and you got me...oh. Hemalurgy Not For Dummies. Marsh: [taps eye spike knowingly]

2. Spook gives Fort...a coupon

Fort: "Fifty percent off women's slippers"? Spook: I heard you like deals--that was the best one I found! Fort: [pats him on the shoulder] Every bargain hunter has to start somewhere...

3. Fort gives Allrianne...a bracelet

Allrianne: Wow! It's actually pretty nice--thank you! Fort: You're so welcome! Fort: After a lot of hard work, I got it basically for free! Allrianne: You...didn't spend any money on it? Fort: Practically none! You're welcome! Allrianne: ... Fort: What?

4. Allrianne gives Raboniel...a pink dressing gown

Allrianne: What I see when I look at you is a woman who needs to relax and feel beautiful. Raboniel: [carefully examining the robe] Raboniel: No safehand sleeve, I see. Raboniel: Are you trying to seduce me? Allriane: EXCUSE me?! Raboniel: Listen, I get that from human woman more than you'd think..

5. Raboniel gives Elegy...a book of Sudoku puzzles

Elegy: ...I don't understand. Raboniel: I can see that you're trying to fight off the insanity that threatens to consume you. Raboniel: I know...something about that. Raboniel: It is helpful to keep the mind focused, occupied. Elegy: ...with number puzzles? Raboniel: Well, it's either that or going into weapon manufacturing, but Navani gave me a dirty look when I tried to buy you a bomb kit.

6. Elegy gives Marasi...a book

Elegy: My people do not have much, but I collected a book of our native stories for you. Elegy: Since your people seem to want to know about us so badly. Marasi: ...I don't know what that last part means, but thank you! Marasi: Aww, it's a book of stores for kids? How cute! Marasi: ... Marasi: Do they ALL end with children being consumed by ghosts? Elegy: Shades. And yes. Marasi: Thanks anyway? Elegy: What do you mean "anyway"?

7. Marasi gives Vin...a nice pen

Marasi: I-I mean, what do you give the woman who has everything?? Marasi: You did EVERYTHING in your life and set the bar so amazingly high with all of your powerful exploits! Marasi: S-Seriously I couldn't even FATHOM what do get the Ascendent Warrior for Christmas! Marasi: A-Anyway, since you have that nice pen anyway, I-I thought maybe you could sign something for me... Vin: ... Vin: What exactly happens in the future?

8. Vin gives Syl...the design for a mistcloak

Vin: You're sort of wind, right? Vin: Back home, the mists loved to play with the tassels on my mistcloak. I thought wind might be similar. Syl: [has already changed her form so that she appears to be wearing a mistcloak] Syl: Why do I feel so unbelievably cool?? Vin: It has that effect.

9. Syl gives Nale...coal

Nale: ...Are you telling me that I should build a nice fire and relax? Syl (arms crossed, glaring at Nale): I'm telling you that trying to KILL children means you get COAL Nale: The child in question gave me a hug when she confronted me. Syl: Yeah, well, I'm an Honorspren, not an Edgedancer.

10. Nale gives Denth...jail

Denth: ... Denth: It is literally Christmas. Nale: The law cares not for holidays.

11. Denth gives Charlie...a cat plushie

Charlie: [eying the cat plushie nervously] Charlie: Y-You're a bit of a bastard, huh? Denth: I don't know what you're talking about.

12. Charlie gives Marsh...a really nice bottle of rum

Marsh: This looks...expensive. Charlie: W-Well, you know. Charlie: When you draw the literal personification of death out of a hat for Secret Santa, you, uh...don't blow it off. Marsh: ... Marsh: I'm actually quite pleased.

You should be able to like, call the police on your brain or something

Every time Hoid makes an appearance in a book, my brain immediately just thinks of this post