Kaladin

adolin getting a longer hug from kaladin than shallan is one of the most throwaway comments brando sando could have made, and he did, for no reason, unrelevant to the story, just for us. my heart is warm.

Cosmere Secret Santa

I did this last Christmas as well, but this one will be different, as I'm once again using a randomizer to choose characters. For the record, I didn't fix the results except to omit anyone who appeared in last year's list and to nix any repeats in this one. Let's see what gifts they choose!

Thanks to @imtheseventh for requesting that I do this again! :)

1. Marsh gives Spook...a book

Spook: Oh, thank you, but I think Kelsier already got me this book? Marsh: Look more closely. Spook: [holds up two books side by side] Spook: See? Kelsier got me Hemalurgy for Dummies and you got me...oh. Hemalurgy Not For Dummies. Marsh: [taps eye spike knowingly]

2. Spook gives Fort...a coupon

Fort: "Fifty percent off women's slippers"? Spook: I heard you like deals--that was the best one I found! Fort: [pats him on the shoulder] Every bargain hunter has to start somewhere...

3. Fort gives Allrianne...a bracelet

Allrianne: Wow! It's actually pretty nice--thank you! Fort: You're so welcome! Fort: After a lot of hard work, I got it basically for free! Allrianne: You...didn't spend any money on it? Fort: Practically none! You're welcome! Allrianne: ... Fort: What?

4. Allrianne gives Raboniel...a pink dressing gown

Allrianne: What I see when I look at you is a woman who needs to relax and feel beautiful. Raboniel: [carefully examining the robe] Raboniel: No safehand sleeve, I see. Raboniel: Are you trying to seduce me? Allriane: EXCUSE me?! Raboniel: Listen, I get that from human woman more than you'd think..

5. Raboniel gives Elegy...a book of Sudoku puzzles

Elegy: ...I don't understand. Raboniel: I can see that you're trying to fight off the insanity that threatens to consume you. Raboniel: I know...something about that. Raboniel: It is helpful to keep the mind focused, occupied. Elegy: ...with number puzzles? Raboniel: Well, it's either that or going into weapon manufacturing, but Navani gave me a dirty look when I tried to buy you a bomb kit.

6. Elegy gives Marasi...a book

Elegy: My people do not have much, but I collected a book of our native stories for you. Elegy: Since your people seem to want to know about us so badly. Marasi: ...I don't know what that last part means, but thank you! Marasi: Aww, it's a book of stores for kids? How cute! Marasi: ... Marasi: Do they ALL end with children being consumed by ghosts? Elegy: Shades. And yes. Marasi: Thanks anyway? Elegy: What do you mean "anyway"?

7. Marasi gives Vin...a nice pen

Marasi: I-I mean, what do you give the woman who has everything?? Marasi: You did EVERYTHING in your life and set the bar so amazingly high with all of your powerful exploits! Marasi: S-Seriously I couldn't even FATHOM what do get the Ascendent Warrior for Christmas! Marasi: A-Anyway, since you have that nice pen anyway, I-I thought maybe you could sign something for me... Vin: ... Vin: What exactly happens in the future?

8. Vin gives Syl...the design for a mistcloak

Vin: You're sort of wind, right? Vin: Back home, the mists loved to play with the tassels on my mistcloak. I thought wind might be similar. Syl: [has already changed her form so that she appears to be wearing a mistcloak] Syl: Why do I feel so unbelievably cool?? Vin: It has that effect.

9. Syl gives Nale...coal

Nale: ...Are you telling me that I should build a nice fire and relax? Syl (arms crossed, glaring at Nale): I'm telling you that trying to KILL children means you get COAL Nale: The child in question gave me a hug when she confronted me. Syl: Yeah, well, I'm an Honorspren, not an Edgedancer.

10. Nale gives Denth...jail

Denth: ... Denth: It is literally Christmas. Nale: The law cares not for holidays.

11. Denth gives Charlie...a cat plushie

Charlie: [eying the cat plushie nervously] Charlie: Y-You're a bit of a bastard, huh? Denth: I don't know what you're talking about.

12. Charlie gives Marsh...a really nice bottle of rum

Marsh: This looks...expensive. Charlie: W-Well, you know. Charlie: When you draw the literal personification of death out of a hat for Secret Santa, you, uh...don't blow it off. Marsh: ... Marsh: I'm actually quite pleased.

Over 6 months in the making (mostly bc procrastination) but I finally compiled my Kanto Gym Leader Magazine series. I love the idea of an in-universe style fashion publication where they all do interviews about their hobbies and stuff

Want something like this for your own OC? My commissions are open!!

The Kaladin/Szeth chapters of Wind and Truth are so fucking funny.

We've got Kaladin and Syl going to therapy, picking up hobbies while doing their best impression of a dead spouse montage

And then on the next perspective over we've got Szeth playing the world's most terrifying game of Mega Man

yOu HaVe tO rEaD tHe cOsMeRe BoOkS iN tHe RiGhT oRdEr Or YoU wOn'T kNoW wHaT's GoiNg On!

Gancho, Doug, my brother in Adonalsium (Highly), I'm going to hold your hand when I say this:

Not knowing what's going on is the default state for Cosmere protagonists.

Even Wit, who's whole deal is standing over there in the corner smirking like he knows what's going on, doesn't have a single rusting clue.

Read the whole Stormlight Archive backwards for all I care, you'll still find yourself better informed than Kaladin Stormface

OH FUCK OFF GOLD BURNING MISTINGS SEE AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF THEMSELVES. ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. AU. AU IS THE ELEMENT SHORTHAND THING FOR GOLD. FUCK YOU BRANDON. FUCK.

With his most recent skill developments, Kaladin would make for an absolutely incredible Soulcaster. He would simply therapize the Stick into realizing that deep down in its wooden heart it wants to be Fire. Shallan could never.

Dalinar: "I can accept my son being gay. I can accept my son being a certified monsterfucker, but democracy is where I draw the line!!!"

maybe it’s good dalinar didn’t live to see his son turn Urithiru into a representative government

Marsh: Sees Moash with crystal spikes in his eyes

Pulls out his iron eye spikes.

Cleans them on his shirt.

Pops them back in.

“So my eyes aren’t deceiving me! we’re just doing knock off brands of everything now, huh?”

*clenches fist* kaladin would want me to keep going