Latest Posts by theprodigalsoldier-blog - Page 2

beautifulburnout:

“Pft, I can still run circles around you. I bet Tanis could too. Even with only 3 legs.” Jonny winked in response and there was no way he could suppress the smile on his lips. In moments like this he felt like he had his friend back. They were fleeting, because Jonny knew there was no way in hell things were okay between them, but it still felt good in those brief moments. He wondered if Jaxon felt the same way about all of this, or if he was just doing this for him. He wouldn’t put it past Jaxon to try and make him feel good. He was always putting other people first. “Jamie and Tanis have that in common then. He’s constantly excited,” he laughed and looked over at Jaxon just in time to see him stand back up. He didn’t want to think too much into things like that but Jonny was empathetic and Jaxon was one person who’s emotions he was always sensitive to. (Even if he did miss obvious things between them in youth). After a few pats to Tanis Jonny stood and shooed him off so he could play. “You okay?” The artist nodded at Jaxon’s knee, true concern written on his features even if that wasn’t what he thought was bothering him.

" yeah, that's probably true. bein' big doesn't really lend well t' bein' fast, " he chuckled lowly, the sound deep and rumbling in his chest. every now and then, there were these hints of the past. the ease and connection between them fighting to flicker back to steady life. it was a magnetism jaxon knew he couldn't deny. it went beyond even beyond his romantic feelings for jonny. they just... clicked. but the heartache made him shy away from whatever chemistry they still had. feeling hurt like that, again, after all this time... it wasn't an option. but he could enjoy the nostalgia a little longer, right?  " Jamie is... a lot. but he's still small and gettin' his strength up. so I can't let him play too hard for too long, " he explained, keeping an eye on the dogs and whistling when they started going too far. he smiled as tanis met up with them. Jamie was perfectly happy to incorporate tanis into their play, while ginger was a little more wary, following after him to sniff and check him out.  " huh? oh, yeah. just squatting for too long kinda hurts, " he shrugged, tucking his hands into the pockets of his jacket and pulling it a little tighter.

That back tho

beautifulburnout:

Watching Jaxon and Tanis warmed Jonny’s heart. Sure, he expected to be alone when he came out here, but he wasn’t complaining. Jonny had a lot of mixed emotions and feelings about Jaxon right now but he still enjoyed talking to him and spending time with him. And let’s face it, even if he expected to be alone, Jonny much preferred having company. “We’ll just have to leave then. Since you had first dibs,” he teased back and nodded at Jaxon’s explanation. “Restless too. Both of us,” he gave a little shrug with a half smile. He knew Jaxon would understand. Jonny being stuck inside for days was usually not the best mix. “Are they okay with other dogs?” Jonny nodded towards Jaxon’s pups. “Tanis loves to play but he also thinks he’s as big as a Wolfhound,” he chuckled and crouched down to join in on the belly scratching.

" yeah, you better. 'fore I chase you off myself, " he joked, going only with jonny's teasing. but the gentle curve of his lips and the levity in his gaze rendered the words absolutely benign. there was something about it just being the two of them, so late at night, so off the beaten path... that felt too familiar to deny. he couldn't count how many times had they snuck off in the middle of the night, out to the lake, or the river, or the Yankees stadium parking lot, just to chill. and Jaxon's own internal environment disarmed him some. too tired from fighting his own shit so much, jaxon just didn't have the energy to fight against his emotions with jonny.  " yeah, they're good. Jamie gets pretty excited. but he's still kinda small. ginger is a lot more mellow. and she's a totally mama, " he replied. but as soon as jonny came close, jaxon tension crept back in. he hated that the instinct was the reach out and touch jonny's hand, and he hated even more that he so immediately recoiled from it. jaxon stood, pretending to stretch out his knee.

beautifulburnout:

It was odd that they kept running into each other randomly like this. But it didn’t bother Jonny. Even if he had mixed emotions about things between them he was still happy to see Jaxon. Jonny was admittedly more worried than he let on and he’d wanted to see Jax. Fate was on his side he supposed. “Yeah we gotta stop randomly running into each other like this.” As soon as he heard his name Tanis rolled onto his back and started wiggling for a belly rub. He loved attention a little too much. But a lot of people said that pets were a reflection of their owners. “Yeah that’s him,” Jonny shook his head at the goofy animal but smiled nonetheless. “And here I thought I’d have the park all to myself. Late night?”

The dark part of him wanted to be alone. he wanted to be left to stew in his own bullshit, and wallow in the crap he refused to deal with. but there was a lighter prick of hope at jonny's appearance that reminded him he's not alone. it was nice in a way he wasn't quite ready to admit. " hey, I was here first, " jax joked in response, leaning down on one knee to scratch at Tanis' belly.  " it's on you this time. " he smiled gently up at jonny before turning his attention back to tanis. the puppy was cute, and resilient, and seemed almost completely unaware of the fact that he was handicapped. jax admired that.  " night off. the dogs were restless and I didn't feel like just hangin' out at home. how 'bout you? "

@tatemcallisterr asked “ ❢ ” [ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

he’d gone through the list. yoga, taking a long walk, reading a book, doing something with his hands. he was really trying to find better coping mechanisms, but the ones that the counselor at the VA recommended just really were not cutting it. or doing much of anything at all. with the reappearance of jonny in his life, and all the complicated bullshit that came along with that, plus the hardship his family was going through with the cafe not making as much as it needed to... the inside of jaxon’s head was not a fun place. and god damn, he just wanted everything to slow down for a moment. he wanted the world to just get a little quieter. four shots of whiskey and a bar fight later, things had slowed down. his brain could only focus on the throbbing and the bleeding and the blurring effects of the whiskey. jax sipped slowly at his flask, sitting on the concrete edge of a planter outside the bar. blood slid slowly from the re-opened cut on his cheek, and leaked from the inside of his mouth. it should be trouble that jaxon felt calm, and centered like this, for the first time in weeks. 

beautifulburnout:

The clean scent that Vegas had wouldn’t last for long. The rain seemed to refresh the city and it was soothing to him. 2am was a little late for him to be out but Jaxon wasn’t the only one who was having trouble sleeping. He’d always been prone to insomnia but he figured this was just cabin fever. He wasn’t alone and when he headed for the door Tanis was right on his heels. Jonny hadn’t even bothered with a leash this late, no one would be in a park this far off the strip. Or so he thought. The jingle of collars caught his attention but Tanis shot off like a bolt after some toy that was flung their direction. Jonny went to run after his dog but a familiar voice had him stopping in his tracks. He squinted into the darkness and glanced at Tanis. Now that he knew it was Jamie and Ginger he was less worried but he still kept an eye on his pup. “Don’t you know there’s a leash law?” He called out with a smile in his voice. He let out a shrill whistle and Tanis slowly trotted towards him with his tongue lulling out. He was still worried for his little 3 legged dog verses excited pitties.

The voice was like a sense memory. One that made his heart thud and his tension ease back. But he shined his flashlight as the man's chest just in case. Huh. Imagine that. He wasn't anxious at the stranger anymore... but that was replaced by a complicated feeling he was still having trouble sorting out. "I gotta break the law somehow. Or my teenage self would be deeply disappointed in me," he replied with a gentle smile as jonny came closer. Jaxon pups had forgotten the game of fetch over wrestling with each other. He walked over to meet Jonny, to be able to see him without a flashlight. "Of all th' gin joints, huh?" he said as they got closer, and as Tanis came over. "Well hey, little baby. Tanis, right?" Jax asked, glancing up at Jonny as he crouched down to greet and pet the auburn puppy.

♥ ✎♤

♥ - Something they like about your muse.

jax likes that dannie is comfortable with themself, and their identity and sexuality. jax struggles with it to the extent that he doesn’t even deal with it. but despite dannie’s issues, at least they know what they’re about.

✎ - A reason they’re jealous of your muse.

jax is jealous of how unattached dannie is, and how they seem to have a little more freedom without those interpersonal responsibilities. while jaxon is very dedicated to the people in his life and the people he cares about, he sacrifices a lot for them. sometimes he wishes he could do more things just for himself, like dannie can. 

♤ - What they thought about your muse when first meeting.

“ this kid is going down a painful path. hopefully they realize that before it’s too late. ”

♥ ❦ ♤

♥ - Something they like about your muse.

how much god damn fun he is. jax is a little jealous about how carefree tyler can be. but he loves how easily tyler gets him to loosen up and just enjoy life. tyler reminds him of his younger self, when he was boxing and when he was first in the marine. how much more mischievous and fun-loving he was. before life got fucked up. jaxon loves that tyler reminds him to have fun. 

❦ - Something they hate about your muse.

as much as he loves how non-serious tyler can be, jaxon also hates it too. he can tell there’s a lot more going on beneath the wild grins and wild times, and jaxon worry about his friend. but tyler doesn’t seem to take much seriously, and jaxon doubts he could get tyler to talk honestly about the more serious and more troubling parts of life. 

♤ - What they thought about your muse when first meeting.

“ this kid is gonna get me in so much trouble. and it’s gonna a god damn fun time. ”

♥ ♤

♥ - Something they like about your muse.

uhhh…. everything. but mostly they love how kind becca is. and how strong. jaxon is constantly in awe of her and her resilience. she’s been through hell and back, and she still manages to be sweet, and soft, and caring. no one would blame her for being jaded and angry. but becca is the sweetest person jaxon knows. and he absolutely worships her.

♤ - What they thought about your muse when first meeting.

“ holy shit, she’s so smart. and cute as fuck. i must protect her at all costs. ”

All the honesty memes!

♥ - Something they like about your muse.

how kind and soft jonny is. jaxon really appreciates how much jonny cares. and how unabashed he is about it. it makes jaxon feel better about caring too much sometimes, and like that it reminds him that it’s a good thing. 

❦ - Something they hate about your muse.

jonny’s self-destructive tendencies. a small part of him, that he wouldn’t ever admit to outloud, blames jonny’s bad habits for the ending of their friendship. jaxon hates that jonny was so stubborn about wanting to get involved with shit jaxon knew was bad for him. 

✎ - A reason they’re jealous of your muse.

he likes how much jonny laughs, smiles, and jokes around. being serious or grumpy around jonny never lasts long, and jaxon is jealous how easy it is for jonny to find the good things, and enjoy the moment. so often jaxon gets caught up in his own negativity and his own bullshit. to jaxon, it seems like jonny doesn’t struggle with that quite so much. 

♪ - A secret they’re keeping from your muse.

uh, i mean… a lot. but the big one is his feelings for jonny. even after ten years, jaxon’s romantic feelings for jonny haven’t diminished. oh, and also how bad his ptsd really is. a lot of his behaviors are by-products of that, but jaxon has a really hard time admitting that. and doesn’t want to worry jonny. 

♤ - What they thought about your muse when first meeting.

“ how is someone so clumsy using a skateboard as their main form of transportation? i bet he falls like… a lot. ” (lmfao hes a dick) 

tatemcallisterr:

It was hard to talk about, even with someone like Jaxon who could relate so strongly to what he was going through. That was a big reason Tate kept insisting he didn’t need to see a therapist or go to any support groups. Talking about things had never helped him deal with them anyways. “I know it’ll probably never go away completely —- I just wish it would get better. I’m fucking tired.” Tate knew he wasn’t the first person to go to war and come back having nightmares about it, and he certainly wouldn’t be the last. But when he wakes up at night, alone, in an empty house, it’s hard not to feel isolated. “I am for the most part. Doc just found some problems with my liver when they were doing blood tests. It’s not a big deal.” At least that’s what his doctor had told him, it wouldn’t be a big deal as long as he didn’t drink so often. Which was proving difficult when it was his go-to coping mechanism. 

yeah, he knew that feeling well. too well. it made his chest ache for his friend. and it made him angry that he didn’t know how to help tate. especially when tate was so adverse to help.  “ they say therapy is supposed to... i dunno. do somethin’, ya know? ” the suggestion was tentative and gentle, like he knew tate wouldn’t respond well to it. but he had to try. there had to be something. even if talking didn’t help the famously tight-lipped man, maybe there was something else they could recommend. at least, that’s what jaxon hoped.  “ yer liver being fucked up doesn’t sound like ‘not a big deal’. and that fuckin’ sucks. who else is gonna appreciate shitty whiskey with me? ” he teased gently, a small smirk flickering at the corner of his lips. “ oh, we got a friend in common. jonny. maybe in place of drinkin’, get stoned with him. ” the suggestion was only half serious, and the light in jaxon’s eyes said as much. he was trying to be helpful. trying to make tate feel like there was a little hope. despite how fucking tired he felt. 

biggest regret?

“ not bein’ there for tate. that was... yeah, biggest mistake of my life. i was a piece of shit, and i fucked up. i should have been there for him. he may have forgiven me, at least partially. but i don’t think i’ll ever forgive myself. ”

@tatemcallisterr

if you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be?

“ i try not to live in regrets, ya know? try not to wonder how life would be different if this or if that. found it just gets me more in my head. but... i dunno. i wouldn’t have made every excuse in th’ book not to reach out to jonny after our fight. i let my bullshit get in my way for so long, and then after a while... it just was too long, ya know? but yeah. i think things would have been really different for th’ both of us. but who knows? maybe it was supposed to be like this. ”

@beautifulburnout

wilycoyotc:

The power shut down hours ago and the road leading to Cash’s apartment is blocked. Where he managed to find himself was a hotel. He was lucky to have showed up early because the lobby became packed with people seeking a place until the storm blew over. Cash could be found at the bar taking a sip from his drink. The storm had long lost it’s terror and became boring. Drinking normally made things fun when he had nothing to do. 

“Hey– keep those drinks coming,” he spoke to the bartender. Cash knows there is nothing he can do from this point. 

god, fuck this storm. he was on hour seven of a shift that would last who knows how long. thankfully, he could get a break from the fucking rain, escorting a soaked and terrified pair of party girls back to their hotel. he was genuinely concerned that the girls would float off if he didn’t make sure they got back. and now? well, he needed a god damn BREAK before heading back out.  “ black coffee, please. with a shot of whiskey, because fuck it, ” he shrugged, leaning against the bar and brushing the hair back from his forehead.  “ well hey, old man, ” jax smirked, turning as he noticed cash at the bar beside him. “ why am i not surprised yer riding out the storm at a hotel bar? ” 

it wasn't an unusual night, not by far. as much as he tried to sleep normally on his days off, it just didn't work. and most times, he didn't want it to work. it was just... easier to sleep during the day. and the dogs hadn't been taken out in a while. sure, they had the backyard, but that wasn't the same as the park. and the world seemed scrubbed clean after the storm. other than feeling achingly alone, slightly broken, and on edge from a nightmare, it was kind of a nice night... 

he cocked his arm back and threw the ball across the wide, open lawn. his flashlight shined across the field, crossing briefly across a figure that surprised him. his heartrate leapt, and the appearance of another person only made him feel more on edge. some of that was eased as another dog ran after the ball and his own pups.  " hello? " he called out lamely, not wanting to ignore the other unknown person in the park at 2am.

@beautifulburnout

tylerbeyond:

there it was. jaxon had a really nice smile. tyler thought it was a shame he wasn’t showin’ it off on his birthday. “apparently, if i’m not making enough money to support myself and a family in a respectable way, i’m a fuck up,” he shrugged. “we’re doing, like, okay right now? but the label does pay our rent ‘n’ like recording fees and whatever.  but, i don’t give a fuck what he thinks so it don’t matter.” he grinned, wiping some cupcake from his lip with his thumb. “what am i doing tonight? uh, celebrating your birthday, duh. where’re you goin’ for drinks, i’ll join you. unless it’s, like, invite only, or whatever.” he shrugged, then cast him a sly, side-long glance. “then i’m definitely gonna crash it.”

“ so basically he wants you down th’ whole bullshit conservative path of get a good job, start a family, live that button up life? does he even know you? ” jaxon huffed in a shallow chuckle. trying to imagine tyler in a ‘normal’ nine to give job was a lesson in futility. the image honestly just amused, and slightly, disturbed him. “ if someone is payin’ your rent and your bills, enjoy it, ” jax laughed softly. talking to tyler always lightened him up and got him to relax. enough to actually eat the cupcake, apparently.  “ oh yeah. fuck no. yer not invited. why would i want you there? ” jaxon replied, with a sarcastic smirk. honestly, not inviting tyler would probably be the smarter choice. the last time they’d hung out together, they’d ended up fucking wasted and on the roof of the bar. but... it was his birthday. c'est la vie, right? 

“ i think i’m havin’ a crisis, becks, ” jaxon said with no preface or greeting as he sat across from her in their favorite diner. they had lunch here a couple times a week, when their shifts lined up. the furrow in jaxon’s brow made it obvious something was bothering him. “ oh, by th’ way, how’s yer bother doin’? haven’t seen him around. ”

@rcbeccxs

Honesty meme!

Send me a symbol for my muse to come clean about:

 ♥ - Something they like about your muse.

 ❦ - Something they hate about your muse.

 ✎ - A reason they’re jealous of your muse.

 ♪ - A secret they’re keeping from your muse.

 ♤ - What they thought about your muse when first meeting.

SEND A SYMBOL FOR A CORRESPONDING PROMPT/STARTER.

[ ☎ ] my muse calls yours in tears.

[ ✪ ] our muses are stuck in an elevator together.

[ ◐ ] my muse is having a sleepover with your muse.

[ ✿ ] my muse attempts to cook dinner for your muse.

[ ◈ ] my muse makes a drunk confession to your muse.

[ ღ ] my muse makes an attempt to cheer your muse up.

[ ✦ ] my muse pushes yours out of frustration/anger.

[ ❢ ] my muse discovers yours all bloodied and bruised.

[ ➤ ] my muse accidentally punches your muse in the face.

[ ⌚ ] my muse recalls their favorite memory with your muse.

[ ✜ ] my muse collapses in front of yours, all bloodied and bruised.

[ ☯ ] my muse tells yours that they never want to see them again.

[ ✈ ] my muse asks yours to accompany them on a trip/mission/etc.

[ ● ] my muse catches yours snooping through their belongings.

[ ☻ ] my muse wakes up in your muse’s closet the night after a party.

[ ✌ ] my muse reaches out to yours after months of no communication.

[ ☢ ] the car broke down in an unfamiliar part of town, and our muses are lost.

[ ✠ ] it’s three in the morning and my muse unexpectedly arrives at your muse’s home.

[ ☁ ] the entire city is without power due to a storm, and our muses run into each other during a supply run.

Ask my Muse ANYTHING. There are ZERO LIMITS!

#dork

Kellan with Ronda Rousey and Glenn Powell

NEW PhotoShoot de Kellan Lutz by Alessandro Rabboni

✉ OBVIOUSLY

Jaxon, It’s been a long time since I wrote a real letter and it’s funny when I actually sit down to do this I know that I’m not going to send it. I think this is more for me to figure my own shit out but it helps thinking of it like I’m talking to you. Talking to you always helped. Kinda sucks that I can’t do that now.It was crazy running into you after all these years. Not as crazy as it was for you, though. Honestly when you saw me I thought you might throw up. And you really wonder why I’d think you hate me? Yeah it wasn’t just all the shit that happened, Jax. It’s the shit that’s going on now too. 10 years and somehow it feels like shit has gotten more complicated. Isn’t stepping away from the situation supposed to make it easier? I dunno. Doesn’t seem like time did us any favors, huh?I wish that I could talk to you. I don’t mean just like, text you. I mean really talk to you. Remember when we were kids and we’d tell each other everything? Seems a lot harder now. I wonder if that’s because we got older or if it’s because of what happened. I know you don’t totally blame me for that. I get it. We both made mistakes but fuck, Jax. It still feels like I’m trying to figure out what really went wrong. I know that I had my head up my ass back then but I’m still lost. And my best friend isn’t helping either. Asking me if I wanted to suck your dick only made things soooo much more complicated in my head. Mostly because I know that I was lying to myself when I said no. Do you remember that time we made out? We were really drunk. We never talked about it but…I thought about it. More than once. I figured you thought it was a mistake and I didn’t want you to have to deal with that. Or I didn’t want to have to deal with losing you if things got complicated. Well, shit couldn’t get more complicated could it?And this letter isn’t clearing anything up for me. Not besides knowing that I do want you. And now I have to wonder exactly what makes shit so awkward between us now. Is it our past….or is it the question of what lies ahead? Ha god. I feel like I’m in high school all over again. We really…really just gotta talk. I just hope you don’t hate me after we do. -Jay

Send ✉ for your muse to receive a letter from my muse!

Kellan Lutz in Geoffrey Beene Spring Summer 2017 Campaign