Actually Neurodivergent - Blog Posts

it sucks how neurodiversity terms have become misused by neurotypicals, and then when i show my struggle with that actual thing, I get treated like I'm dramatic. I'm tired man :/ like no janis, you're not going non-verbal just because you stopped talking willingly. if you are non-verbal you cannot speak at all verbally. (I'm not non verbal tho so could be wrong) if you mean situational mutism, that feels like someone taped my fucking mouth shut, and I would not be able to talk then to save my life. I'm tired of seeing the terms non-verbal, overstimulated, hyperfixation, and the like misused. ughhhh

I got a new canopy :) this totally isn't an excuse to show off my favorite stuffed animals that I keep close to me when I sleep bc one of my special interests is plushies haha what. (Also musicals is one for me too and playbill blanket.) Shoutout to my lovely husband for crocheting me the bee that's pictured :]

doing all my homework in a few hour period that I was supposed to be working on over the past 3 weeks then letting myself engage in my hyperfixation as a little treat

why can anxiety cause psychical symptoms. why is it allowed to do that. i don't like that. no

accommodations

knowing something to be true and feeling like something is true should logically be things that always go hand in hand together, but frustratingly enough feelings aren’t things ruled by logic and so this doesn’t always happen. one of these things that I can’t achieve any kind balance between is me knowing that I deserve accommodations and me feeling like I absolutely do not deserve them.

it’s just that when you have been taught your entire life that if you have the ability to do something on your own, you do not deserve any help making it easier to achieve, it becomes very hard to let go of that lesson even when you know it wasn’t factual. it’s too deeply hammered into you that only the helpless deserve help, so if you can do anything without help you’re obviously not helpless and obviously don’t ever deserve help.

but I now know this to be wrong

and as for what I know to be true is that there is no point in suffering.

there is no merit to taking a perilous road to reach a place you could have reached with another path that won’t force you to pay the toll with anguish.

exhausting yourself to the point of not even being able to appreciate the view of the mountain you climbed is pointless. 

pain is not a virtue. 

not only the mythical helpless but everybody deserves and needs help sometimes. you needing help more than the majority needs it isn’t a moral failing. 

always giving everything 101% of your best is not the rent you pay for being alive. 

living is hard enough without disabilities and illnesses, you shouldn’t make it harder on yourself by not grabbing onto infrequent given opportunities (and unjustly infrequent might I add!) to level the playing field.

I feel wholeheartedly that you deserve accommodations for your disabilities and illnesses be they mental or physical or what have you. I'm looking forward to day I feel wholeheartedly that I deserve them to.

but for now knowing is enough.

No means no in any situation. I wish people would stop assuming and crossing boundaries because of what comfort looks like to them.

pls pls pls pls plsss respect when people don't want to be touched. that goes for family too.

your annual reminder:

don’t support autism speaks this month

don’t “light it up blue”

don’t use the puzzle piece symbol

however!

do support autistic content creators

do support “red instead” and the infinity symbol

remember to listen to the voices of marginalised autistic people!

happy autism awareness/acceptance month! go tell your local autistic pal that they’re awesome! if you’re autistic, remember to practice some self-love!

My mom told me that when I was a baby I rarely ever smiled and she said that she told the doctor that she wanted to get me tested for autism and the doctor said don't worry he is just mentally developing differently than my siblings and I think about that a lot

today’s thoughts : is escapism or just a hyperfixation

this came to my attention because lately ive been taking more videos of myself and i realized in almost all (if not all) im making really weird noises or saying something from a song/show and i just find it really entertaining cause i don’t even realize its going on

people don’t talk about vocal stimming enough, in my opinion. haha like vocal stimming is the best. i always have to do it alone cause it usually annoys my family, but still i just love to just go and “aaaaaaaaAAAAaaAaAaaAaa” it’s somehow so refreshing

people don’t talk about vocal stimming enough, in my opinion. haha like vocal stimming is the best. i always have to do it alone cause it usually annoys my family, but still i just love to just go and “aaaaaaaaAAAAaaAaAaaAaa” it’s somehow so refreshing

you ever just *goes to make sandwhich* *gets distracted and writes a hyperfixation related essay for four hours* *goes to do a simple chore* *ends up painting a furby that’s been sitting in the closet for three months*

Ppl without ADHD be like “oh if I get rid of all possible distractions then you’ll be forced to focus on the boring task!” Fool… You underestimate my Power 

oo guys, if any of you stim to music please send me your most stimmy (stimmiest?) songs, I wanna make a playlist

(my favorite is kara kara kara no kara by kikuo)

being autistic as a kid without knowing it be like: *taps foot on the floor* *gets told to stop because the tapping is annoying* *stims in the school bathroom* *stims at home* *stims when reading whatever book you attached yourself to* *gets called a good reader* *attaches self to a group of people who don’t really wanna be your friends but they tolerate you* *gets placed with random people for group projects* *stims in the school bathroom* *gets called a picky eater at home* *gets put into the gifted program but is also really bad at some topics* *draws in class* *stims in class* *gets ignored* *stims in class* *stims in class* *stims in c

Raise your hand if you're a former gifted kid who would've been diagnosed with autism sooner if only anyone actually knew what it was

Don't usually do this but does anyone has any useful advices how to deal with ADHD burnout while it's already happening? And not just how to prevent it.

Google shitty advices they're comically bad.

I guess useful information for nd people online will never be a thing unless you ask other neurodivergent ppl.

My phone isn't even aware that neurodivergent is a real word.

with adhd/autism it's funny like. people will call you weird all your life, people will bully you for your "outlandish" behaviour, people will criticize literally everything you do as "not normal", BUT THE SECOND YOU GET DIAGNOSED (or suggest you might have it) they're like "huh what but you're so normal, you're literally the most normal person I've ever seen, you're literally so normal and absolutely nothing is wrong with you? why would you have that now all of a sudden???"

I just told my partner of over a year that I've been looking into both an autism and an ADHD diagnosis.

It did not go too well.

Nothing has changed. My 165-195 range of raads-r scores didn't suddenly make me a different person just because he knows now. I think we're still together but I want to scream.

I don't want to be a productive member of society. I want to make my art, play my games, and rest. Every little thing overwhelms me.

Having to get up everyday and maintain my body is exhausting.

Maintaining relationships is exhausting.

Having to get up and work while looking presentable is exhausting.

I'm so tired of being demanded of anything and everything. And I know I probably won't be able to rest until I'm either old and senile or dead.

I didn't ask for this, yet here I am...Slowly rotting away. There's no time to truly enjoy life, work, and be both physically and mentally healthy simultaneously, for the majority of your time.

I just want to get out of here and find true joy.

You know what I find personally annoying about AIs?

Not professionally as a kinda-techbro. Not morally as a human being. Not ethically as someone who trying to be a decent person. Not semantically as a philosophy major. Just personally?

The same behavior y'all hate in people like me, you adore in a chatbot.

I will always stand in solidarity with the psychotic and schizospec community.

If you don't judge people for saying "sorry adhd brain" in public, then don't judge people for saying "sorry schizophrenia brain" in public

If you correct people when they misuse the term "ocd" then you need to correct people when they misuse the terms "psychotic", "delusional", "hallucinating" and "schizophrenic"

If you don't stare, laugh at or fear a stranger in public flapping their hands, then you need to do the same for a stranger in public talking to someone who isn't actually there.

If you give a trigger warning to sensitive topics then you need to give a trigger warning to unreality and false information as a prank.

If you want to normalize medication like antidepressants you also need to normalize medications like antipsychotics.

If you don't like people without your disorder joking about it online and report it as harassment, then you need to do the same for the tons of nonschizophrenics making "schizoposting" memes to make fun of us.

Just please include schizo-spec and psychotic acceptance into your mental illness/neurodiversity acceptance. We are part of your community whether you like it or not. We are constantly stigmatized, misrepresented and made fun of. We do what we can to help you, please return the favor.

Mental illness/neurodiversity acceptance is an ongoing action. We will get nowhere in the long run if we split the community into the "in" group and the "out" group. We could all accomplish so much if we worked together. But you need to include the "weird" people that don't fit into your aesthetic and don't fit the social norms.

Us psychotics and schizo-specs have been struggling for years and have been the only people fighting for ourselves while the people we plead to barely see us as human. If you are nonpsychotic and nonschizo-spec, you can help us more than you realize. Please include us and stick up for us the same way we have been including and sticking up for you.

Omg this makes so much sense.

Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.

Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?

Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.

Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?

Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?

Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?

Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out

People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?

Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.

It's all a defence mechanism

This always irritated me, too, and what's worse is that, "I planned to do it" has never been accepted as a good reason for me to be upset, since, "it's getting done anyway"; I'm not upset about it being done, I'm upset that you didn't even warn me before disregarding my plan, and it's only going to get worse because I can't properly explain it anymore than I can contain my frustration at this point.

when your mom presses the button on your laundry, and you planned to do it yourself. but no one will understand why you're so upset. your doubly angry because you know she knew it would trigger you and she still did it nonetheless. it was just convenient for her. (oh and she put her laundry in with it too).

no one will ever understand why I am so angry. (cause I planned to do it). no one around me at least.

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FACTS! Say it louder for the NT's in the back!!!

ND culture is that the "taking stuff literally" thing goes in both directions.

No, allistics, I'm NOT exaggerating, saying things between the lines, being metaphorical, emphatic, or sarcastic, or anything like that. I'm being LITERAL. So when I say something, take me seriously and at face value, damnit!!

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*inhales deeply* ..... oof. I felt this one in the pit of my stomach.

nd culture is not having anything to say and then one of your special interests comes up naturally and you think "talking about this has gotta be better than the silence right?" and next thing you know your 40 min into an info dump and the other person is barely paying attention.

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Me, often called a Vulcan by my family: 👀... 🖖🙄

Autism culture is identifying with autistic coded characters, but as soon as someone who is not neurodivergent says "Hey you remind me of *insert autistic coded character*" getting very uncomfortable

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I just woke up, man... but no, Tumblr chose to get personal today. 😅 Well, at least I'm fully awake now.

ND culture is spending your whole childhood being told you're "too sensitive" and "need to toughen up." Then realizing as an adult that it was basically just "traumatize the ND kid until they stop melting down." Bonus points if the adults in your life still feel justified in how they treated you because you "turned out OK" despite needing years of therapy.

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How do you calm down when excited? (asking for advice)

Okay, so, I figured I'd ask my fellow autistics for advice.

So I may be seeing my special interest irl at some point. But it's like... I physically cannot view content of the special interest without having to jump up and hand flap while running around my room. Even thinking about it triggers it. I just love it so much. It makes me that happy.

But I have no idea how I will manage it in public, while looking at my f***ing special interest right there in my face. I seriously think I'll have a heart attack for something. The happiness will just be... Aggghhhh I can't even explain it in words.

So, what can I do to try to calm myself so I don't explode when I see them? Preferably nothing too obvious because my family will be there and I don't want to embarrass or shock them by stimming. I know I'll be sweating and blushing like mad.

TLDR: I might be seeing something that makes me VERY happy and I need to know ways to calm down that would be somewhat socially acceptable.

Y’all know that feeling when you’re too neurodivergent for a show so whenever you watch it you just shriek and explode out of joy