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Fran Thoughts II
I don't know what I am relly feeling right now. So many mixed emotions. Thoughts are very loud on my head.
I'm having second thoughts to myself as an art student and including my personal life.
I am thinking of my worth as an art student, am I really an artist? Is there a future for an artist like me? The future is uncertain.
I just recently became a serious artist just when I hit senior high because I choose Arts & Design track. It made me awaken my passion not only on the visual arts but also on performing arts. So many memories and two years felt like a bliss despite that one narcissist, manipulative and popular adviser back on the last year of senior class.
Fast forward to college I choose my program, painting program because it felt like cloest to my feeling and beacuse my parents want me to be in that college university. Originally I wanted to be multimedia sutdent welp circumstances changed. I love the school, only problem is the education system, and its capitalism.
I don't get jealous of my classmates' god like art skills, infact I'm very proud of them. I may or may not blaming a little bit of my former school because they only thought to us performing arts and yet they advertise it as Visual Arts track and now I am a bit disavantage. I just really hate myself because I am not really that brilliant and amazing at arts to the point I'm starting to doubt myself as an artist. I'm practicing, as artists should, I don't know anymore but I'm starting to lose myself. I'm not sure of myself anymore and what will happen to me in the future...
Welp just keeping swimming and hope for the best especially in two more years, claiming that bachelor's art degree....
Fran Thoughts 1
I know this isn't healthy to let it out here but better something than nothing-
Some people thought being art student is easy but it is not, between juggling to general education subjects and doing major art subjects makes the time difficulty especially this online class.
Not only that you missed and craved the interaction between your peers especially while your doing artworks with them. Even if the art profs not teaching *ehem* just really giving projects to you. Or that after school fatigue yet became gone atleast for awhile because hanging out despite getting four hours of sleep is worth it.
Now on online class it's only not much interaction between classmates because we had many things to do not only in school but many personal things happening at home. It felt like just passing time doing plates (projects) and doing requirements of school yet felt like there was no reward for it.
Yet despite the negative feelings, we still strive to be if not best do better for ourselves.
(credits to my classmate..
this is what we experience in senior high school currently)
Random Realizations #1:
A. Being an Arts and Design student or just a student in general, requires a lot of mental and physical strength. You have to keep up with both the academic works and performances. You have to have the skill of switching your focus from dancing to studying a lot. (Legit) You also have to have the skill of acting like your not tired when you really are.
B. Not everyone will understand the hard-work you put into projects/works of art. Many will judge you despite what you are going through. Many will let go of harsh words and trash your artworks. You have to be strong and continue to persevere.
C. Expect the unexpected. When you think you have it all under your control, expect surprises that will make you go crazy. Remain as calm as possible (though nakakaloka).
D. Most of the times, it's best to remain quiet. As sad as reality goes, stay calm and quiet even if a person does wrong 😞 It's hard to fight a person who is full of pride. Just let them realize what they did wrong on their own. (Let karma do the job)
E. Rest, eat, and sleep. Never let your body suffer. Once you break down physically, the rest will follow and you'll end up in a difficult situation
F. Hold on no matter what happens. No matter how many people drag you to the pit or how they just abuse your kindness. Hold on and treasure yourself.
G. Save money. Being an AD student requires a lot of cash haha Sometimes (or most of the times) a month's worth of allowance will be spent in a day just for projects that will end up being discarded/ replaced in the near future 😂😂😂
H. You have to be a magician (char) You have to be flexible enough to finish projects due on the same day. Just do it. These are those YOLO moments in life wherein you bet everything in it and submit what you've finished (even if it isn't completely done)
~~~~end of realizations~~~~~
- These are just my personal realizations. Keep your opinions to yourself 😉 God bless!