Mental Disorder - Blog Posts

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Justice For Saraya Rees

As someone who personally experiences with psychosis, what Saraya Rees did shouldn't be overlooked. But imprisoning her instead getting her the help she clearly needs is not ok.

If you don't know, Saraya has been on antidepressants due to her being severely bullied at school. She was abruptly taken off of them, which by the way is dangerous in the first place. She was experiencing a psychotic episode as a side affect of withdrawal and poured gasoline in front of her parents door while calling out for help. Her mother had said Saraya DID NOT attempt to light a fire. Her 11 year sentence shouldn't be the response for punishment.

She needs psychiatric care in which she is currently not getting. She was 14 when she was charged without parole.

This is not the way to treat someone with mental health issues!

They are not monsters that should be put away!

We are not something you should overlook because you don't understand!

Please spread the word about Saraya

Sometimes I put on a dress and do up my hair because fuck it I wanna feel damn pretty for once

You know what’s really annoying about having mental issues and learning disorders? My ADD makes me forget to write words for sentences. So when I’m writing things like “She walked the house, taking placed steps as a the floor creaked beneath her.” When really I’m trying to say, “She walked into the house, taking careful placed steps as the floor creaked beneath her.” It’s so freaking annoying for a writer like me. I have to re read my work so many times just because I don’t know if I made a mistake but even then I still read over my mistakes and they don’t register in my brain fast enough for me

*Me taking care of myself and actually listening to my body's basic needs* Wow I actually feel great"

My mental illnesses and unhealthy habits:

Do you have that thing like when you're mentally not in a good place you watch sitcoms and shows all the time even if you're not invested in the plot or the characters because it's the only thing that grounds you but at the same time when you stop and get out of your room it gets even scarier to be yourself

Sometimes people expect that you are alright and they might think that you have it all together. Most of the time though, those assumptions are incorrect. There are things that they will never see and battles that they will never know that you are going through. Sometimes it's scary because you want someone to shout out to you and ask if you are ok. Someone to follow that little prompting from above to help you out, but they never do. They look at you like they don't care and they don't care because they have the assumption that you are alright. Like an assumption that you might be too good for them because they are going through something too... It's hard to ask for help sometimes... It's hard because they all assume and because you feel like you would be too much of a burden on them. Or you think that they are going to judge you because they might think that you are just trying to seek attention. It's hard to get help because it is scary and you feel like you don't need help....

This is what anxiety feels like to many, or at least what I feel like when I have anxiety. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression and OCD on my mission for my church. Before I was diagnosed with these disorders, I always had a constant wave of insecurity, doubt, trouble believing in myself, and other things included that plagued. When I graduated from high school, I was sure that I would fall into a state of Schizophrenia by age 22 to 23(I haven't). When I was on my mission, I finally had the opportunity to look at things that could help me. I took those options because it came to the very end of the line, where one day I just wanted to end my life. The thoughts became too overbearing and I felt like if I just went away, sitting in the bath at the time, that everybody would be better off without me and my contributions. I never fully went through with it though because I just loved my life too much and the work I was doing at the time to end it all. I told my companion and my mission leader's wife and they helped me to get the help I needed. I am so happy that they were able to help me and that I was able to, through that see the light again. Though that was a very high point in my life, even with the help and the pills, I still get some of these thoughts sometimes. Even just two or three days without the pills because I didn't have my next precription in time, the effects are scary. I cry for no reason, things hurt more than they should, and I just feel a feeling of helplessness and like I can't do it anymore.

The reason why I guess I am writing this is to partly get things out and partly is to probably raise awareness that I am not the only one. When people joke about having anxiety, I understand that it is a joke, but they will never know what it is really like, unless they actually do have anxiety. Statistics from adaa.org have shown that at least a percentage of 18.1% of the population is diagnosed with anxiety, which is 40 million adults over the age of 18 alone.(ADAA.org) Imagine how many more people are diagnosed with anxiety and how many more kids could be diagnosed. Hypothetically speaking, that could be every two kids to one adult, but that may be wrong. According to SAMHSA's webpage, there has been a 27% increase in their phone calls from 2019 to 2020(numbers may have gone up since then. In 2019, SAMHSA had a high of 656,953 calls for the year. This number grew to be 833,598 calls in 2020.(SAMHSA) For more statistics and facts, go to www.adaa.org or www.samhsa.gov. This is only half of it.

ADAA has also pointed out that people diagnosed with Anxiety have also had Depression previous to this.(ADAA) The CDC states that those with an anxiety or depression disorder have has increased from 36.1% to 41.5% between August 2020 to February 2021.(CDC) Those with an OCD disorder are about every 1 in 40 adults, according to singlecare.com.(SINGLE CARE)

There are many people out there, who are suffering and are trying every day to hide it, just like I was. There are many out there who do not know that they have even have these disorders. Now that I have read through this, I want to bring awareness to these people. I want to help give them a voice. I want to because I am one of them. I know what it is like to struggle and what it is like to feel those feelings of discontent, sadness, and despair. These people can't be told to just stop and think more positive. These diseases are real and they are very riveting to every person who is diagnosed with them. Just like Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has said" ...Today, I am speaking of something more serious. Of an affliction so severe, that it significantly restricts a person's ability to function fully. A crater in the mind, so deep that no one can responsibly suggest that it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively."(LIKE A BROKEN VESSEL) Though he was talking about MDD(Major Depressive Disorder), this could be applied to what has been said before.

I want all who are going through this to know that they are not alone and that there are many, just like them. Do not be ashamed of what you have as a mental disorder, now speaking collectively to all disorders and not individually. You are not weird and you are not some freak who doesn't fit in. Don't worry, I once thought that too. It is ok to feel what you feel and it is ok to address and talk about it. You do not have to suffer alone. If you are struggling, please talk to someone who you feel comfortable talking to and get the help that you need, what ever it may be. My Chat is always open and though it may take me some time, I will answer back. Let's all come together and share our stories of our disorders and help help strengthen one another and to help us not feel alone.

You are amazing. You are worth it. You are loved. You are you. You may have a disorder, but do not let that define you. You are you.

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Sources:

Single Care

https://www.singlecare.com/blog/news/ocd-statistics/

ADAA

https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/facts-statistics

CDC

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/70/wr/mm7013e2.htm

Like A Broken Vessel by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNAx2Rgq-uI

SAMHSA HELPLINE

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

I am falling.

So, what do I do on my free days?

I wake up late, search for a cup of coffee,

Make myself a plate easy breakfast and then

It’s a day of selfcare.

I think of the books to read and shows to watch

I lay down on the grass and look at the sky.

I paint my nails and I curl my hair

Then bunch them and use a ribbon to tie.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I can see

See a void but then it disappears

Then I think of having some tea

So, I put the pan up and sit on the chair

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

The water boils over

I feel all drunk

Even when I am sober

I am sitting and sitting and sitting

I can see the sun rise and set and rise and set

The clock tics toks tics toks tics toks and tics

And I lie on my bed and lie to my self

The void in me is rising and burning and singing

The void is hungry so, its eating

Eating me and the soul and the light

Selfcare maybe is lying in bed

Feel a little dead

But I just stay and stay and stay

Then there is the night and then the day

And then something clicks

I thinks the void is full, it had its share

It is going back in and there is this light

This light, a crack on the wall

I find myself standing tall

I look at the clock oh its been just four hours

But then my cell phone beeps

‘hey there you’ve been missing from the outside world for a week’

My eyes readjust, my mouth is dry

I reach for water, there is a pan with burnt tea leaves

There is a cup of coffee half drunk

I look into the mirror, there is ribbon tangled in my hair

Well I guess this is the end of a day of selfcare

and believe me, I can feel it in the air

I am falling again.

Let’s end the stigma of shame around taking medication for mental illness. 

When you take medication, it means you are intelligently using the resources available to you, so you can live the best life possible. This is a beautiful and self-loving action. 

Okay and encouraged to reblog if you live with or without mental illness. 

Tw: Failed Suicide attempt, Suicidal thoughts, Self harm (hinted), Abuse of Power, Psych Wards, Implied other forms of Abuse, Severe Mental Illness, Forceful Medication (Mentioned)

My time in the mental hospital wasnt fun. Of course no ones reallly is but regardeless. It wasn‘t necessarily the worst, but i have some horror stories. Like when an adult patient came into the childrens ward becuase he was „still in highschool“ and was loudly argued with and then had to be dragged out by the police. Or when i got put in the bad corner for tapping on the wals during quit time and then when i asked for a pen and paper to write down my feelings ,a coping mechanism we had just talked about in group, i was denied and then was left becuase someone else started having a breakdown and asked to be moved to the other mental illness timeout corner so i was less likely to hurt myself ,literally taking initiative and attempting to do the best for my own mental health, and was then called attention seeking for bothering someone when my fellow patient was having a breakdown (the guy who i was asking permission from was just sitting at a desk). What i hated the most was the fact that i wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone because they took me away during quiet time and when i started arguing they threatened to keep me for another week. Sure i have more stories, there was a nine year old who was both suicidal and homicidal, but guess What? She was nice. She had to be put on paper only gowns, lived in the white room, had to be forcefully fed meds, and had been to that specific hospital 5 times alone, and she treated me with more compassion then any of the nurses did. We were friends, i helped her draw, and she confided in me terrible things she had not told anyone about her home-life because i treated her like a human. I never saw her again. The point to this, above all else, is that this system doesn’t work. I felt just as suicidal as I had before but now I was more scared to tell the truth about that because I didn’t want to go back. The people in power have no one to check that they are actually helping and the patients become inmates more often then not. And I know that ill try and commit again, and i hope to god that i‘ll succeed, because i can not go back there again.

I spent so long being told/believing that I had to have a rational reaction to everything despite the fact that I am in fact a walking talking well of emotions

It’s like walking through a field of flowers

wearing a white flowy dress and you’re happy

you’re picking flowers and it’s a joy so immense

nobody can stop you, you’re free but then

you hit a wall, the flowers in your hands are not there

they’re replaced by rubbish, and then you look back

and it’s no longer the field of flowers.. it’s a mess

a mess that you have no choice but to fix

so you do, you walk back

and start piecing it all together and you’re sad

you’re guilty because you created such chaos

you beat yourself up about it as you see everything;

the people you hurt, the mistakes you made,

the good ideas that were actually bad ideas

then once it’s clean you’re excited.. it’s the field again

and you’re running through it again and it’s scary

because you never know where the wall is

when you’ll be stuck looking at the mess again

but you still enjoy it, you still love the flowers..

MSI

< Bipolar Disorder In My Words >

"you can't always stay the same. trauma and happiness will change you, for better or for worse. stop clinging to what used to be, and accept the future with glee."

-OBR

Mental Health Month.

Today is the first day of mental health month, so I just wanted to share some things that calm me down when I’m having a panic/anxiety attack. Enjoy~

• Drawing. I know it seem hard when you’re all shaky and worried, but this is one of the things that keeps me going when I’m panicked. Just a little doodle is better than hyperventilating, trust me.

•Breathing deeply. It helps a little bit for me, but it could do wonders for you, so please try and breathe and remember everything’s going to be alright.

•Playing with a fidget toy. I have a fidget cube because playing with it helps me calm down, but you could buy tangles, fidget spinners, or other things. Whatever suits you best!

•Writing down my thoughts. I bought a special notebook just for this, and I recommend you do too. It helps me by organizing my thoughts and stabilizing my breathing because when you write, you calm down a bit more (at least for me).

•Just talking to a friend, family member, counselor, or anyone you deeply trust. I say ‘deeply trust’ because they’ll actually care what’s going on with you and they will want to help you through this time of anxiety.

•Pet your animal of choice. When I’m panicked (if I’m at home), I pet my cat and snuggle up with her on my bed. She’s usually pretty chill and doesn’t mind. If you prefer dogs, hamsters, or even a turtle, those can also work, as long as you’re getting comfort from it.

I hope you enjoyed my tips on how I calm myself down, but I want you to go with a piece of advice. Please don’t be afraid to get help. It does not make you weak. You are a strong human and you deserve to be happy. I know it doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger on Tumblr, but if this even helps one person in the entire world, it was worth it. Your brain is an important organ. Please take care of it.

I came wounded

To the shore.

Sure, it was foolish,

To hope,

To be soothed,

To be cradled,

To know less aches;

Lighter on the waves.

But I was too wounded,

Abrasions and bruises.

Surprise! I dived! I cried!

It burns, even the ocean.

The word 'prodigy' never found its way near my name. Yet, all I hear from peers who used to be proud, now concerned, is ' you know too much.' And I ask, and I cry.

Did I fly too close to the sun again, Father? Am I falling?

- reign

I weep in rememberance of the ache that once existed. Not before. I wait for it to die, then I cry for the sapling that grows on its burial floor. This doesn't save me from pain, it just spares no mercy. So I lament for what is and once was.

-reign

I want to be like the tides, gentle and roaring. I would try to kiss the moon in one blink and come crashing down in another. But I am not that free. I am this little plant that seeps and stays. My smile depends upon the skies. Even if I hate to admit it, the winter solstice makes me long for warm lights.

- reign

I still drown in the waters I claimed to have mastered