Not Pro Just Using Tags - Blog Posts

Going to start a 72 hours fast, wish me luck :)

Guess what you dumb whores (I say that lovingly) I found even more to hate about myself low key didn’t trying it was possible but I looked in the fucking mirror and I’m never losing my virginity since so one should even have to see my body naked✌🏽🤗😚 👅

I honestly and truthfully hate myself.

My hair:

I’m black and I get perms and I really wanna go natural. Told my mom and she told me that if u were to go natural all I would do was get made fun of. My relaxed hair grows so fucking slow and turns nappy really quick so when I get sew-ins you can tell the difference and I already get made fun of for that plus my fave is already fat and the only thing that makes it look slightly better is my hair. Yikes

My body:

I’m fat. I have scars everywhere. My thighs look like drum sticks. I have hip dips and that plus the way I already look makes me go from a 1 to a -12. I have stretch marks literally make me look so fucking disgusting and I have so many that I know that none of them are going away even when I lose weight. SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS MY FINGERS ARE EVEN A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. my fingers couldn’t be fucking normal and straight and have of them if curved. My fucking nails are just annoying. My sister lifted my shirt and goes oh I thought ur stomach plugged out a lot more than that.

My skin:

My pores are fucking huge. Every time I shave you can see the pores in my leg from a mile away and it looks like a have a fucking disease, I have bad hygiene and I don’t take care of my skin and it’s fucking disgusting.

My face:

My acne is so bad. My hyperpigmentation has literally ruined any confidence I had left. My teeth are ducked up and the adults in my fucking house hold refuse to get me a dentist appointment.my nose literally is a pig nose which makes it SOOOOO much better bc I am a fucking pigs. My eyes are this dull dark brown. Not that beautiful hazel color that everyone loves it just plain and fucking boring.

There is nothing for anyone to love about me. There’s nothing for me to love about my self.

Maybe I’m just fucked up and faking it all ✌️but

Does anyone else have like an Ed mentality but not Ed actions like I “eat like a normal person” but inside I’m screaming you fat pig you know damn well you shouldn’t eat that.

Tomorrow is the start of something new and good.

Tomorrow is the start Of not dealing with my crazy sister trying to make me eat and become crazy obese to the point where death is one pound away.

Tomorrow is the start where I will be happier and I won’t be afraid to check the scale because I know I’m losing weight.

Tomorrow is the start of my self love journey.

Tomorrow is the start of a better me.

Ayo 1 like = 2 hours of extra fasting for me

How far do y'all think I can go? Test me.

I FOUND SOMETHING

INCREDIBLE

Ok so for all you other anas out there who want their pelvic bones to stick out, try this. Lay down flat on your back and tuck your legs underneath you for as long as you can. Doing this every night in bed has done SO much good. My pelvic bones stick out even when they normally wouldn't. There's also a little dip in my stomach now even if I maintain or gain a bit of weight.

Same Jeans

60 kg >>>>>>> 50kg 

i'm alive *sadly*

I start school again, today. It's 2am AND I'M NOT SLEEPING.

The president had a conference yesterday and he removed our mid-term break, every teen in my country is like:

we're sad, i'm sad.

Minecraft and cartoon network kept me alive.

I'm avoiding social contact since I fucked up my self-steem AGAIN.

And I started wondering what will happen if my girlfriend notices me acting weird, she did last time and:(. I don't want to have a mental breakdown and tell her I have an eating disorder. I don't want tu destroy everything again. I want to be okay but I can't even keep myself okay.

(Day 31??? of quarantine: april 14)

Me: omG I LOST 3 POUNDS ;_;

My brain: great, next, die

My ed: hOLD A FUCKING SECOND, WHEN, WERE, HOW, WHO, WHAT¿ but you still fat gurl.

Me: -counting how much calories I ate last week and trying to anilize how I lost 3 pounds in a week after bingin' 2 times-

Me: -Eats 53 calories more than 400-

My ed: bITCH WTF YOU'RE DOING, THAT IS GONNA AFFECT YOUR WEIGHT LATER, thAT'S WHY YOU STILL IN THAT WEIGHT

Me:

Me: -do nothing after binging for 3 days-

My ed: sTARVE YOURSELF

My brain: Don't yoU DARE

Me: -starves-

My brain:

Me: -eat something-

My ed: That had like 10 calories

Me: So?

My ed: yoU aRe gOnnA bE FAT

Me:

My friends: -Threat me with calling my crush if I don't eat-

Me, who don't want crush to know that I have anorexia :

Me: I want to get better:/

My ed: does that mean that you want to be fat?

Me: