I Realized That I Don’t Miss You

„People who make you feel better about yourself when you’re down are literally so important”

-Unknown

I wish I would’ve said it

It was cold out, everyone was drunk. I fell asleep on your shoulder, you let me. I wrapped my arms around your left one to keep myself from falling, you let me. They left and went to his house. We stayed. You woke me up, let’s go to the fireplace, you said. And we went, my arms still around you. Half the city watched the burning flames, celebrating nobody knows what. Warm colored reflections on your skin, flames in your eyes, smile on your face. I loved watching you like that. You turned your head to me, said something, blushed and looked away again. I wish I would still remember what you said. My eyes got heavy and I put my head on your shoulder again, you let me. You kept me from falling, always keeping an eye on me. You held on tighter to me as everyone started singing, still celebrating nobody knows what. I loved watching your lips move as you silently sang with em. You laid you head on top of mine, perfect height, you said and we both chuckled. Exactly one head taller, they said and watched us with sparks in their eyes. I loved being there with you. I told you about my thoughts on your friends and you nodded and told me about what you thought about mine. Us two being the only connection between the groups. I loved being the person you let inside your head for a second. I loved being by your side. I loved being me in these exact moments, because that meant having you right next to me. I loved your little laughs. I loved your kisses on the head. I loved your arms around me. I loved watching the flames slowly dancing with you. I loved everything about that night. But it ended, and I for sure didn’t love that. I wanted to tell you everything I loved about this night and how much I didn’t want it to end. And still, to this day, I wish I would’ve said it.

About loving you

Yes

I feel stranded

on a lonely island in the middle of nowhere

nothing but the tide

that keeps me alive

day after day

wave after wave

Yes

I feel lost

in space where darkness is everything

stars flying by gifting me wishes

that may never come true

knowing my only wish

will forever be you

Yes

I feel overlooked

in the middle of a field, branches twelve feet high

beetles crawling side by side

fearing getting crushed by them

missing the safety

of your arms around me

Yes

I feel love

wherever I am, no matter the time

it’s stroking my side

there’s no place to hide

it’s my true love for you

I just wish that you knew

Yes

I really do

~honestlywhatfor

It’s your birthday

I’ve feared this day for the past month

This night I woke up 8 times, thinking I forgot to tell you happy birthday as the first person on this special day like I always did, followed by a tight hug and a sweet kiss

Just to remember that you wouldn’t even answer the phone now if you’d see my name on the screen

And I’m hurt

Because I do wish you nothing but the happiest birthday ever, but I know I’m no longer part of it and I would ruin your day by saying hi

Happy birthday my love

May this year bring nothing but brightness to you

I wish I could fall in love with you

I’m a person that falls in love easily.

I’ve fallen for the boy on the bus that always saved me a seat in the morning. I’ve fallen for the guy that drove me around town on the back of his motor cycle. I’ve fallen for a boy who just kept texting me whenever he felt like it. It took me about 2 seconds to fall in love with my ex. The list seems endless.

I never really liked that about myself, I felt naive and vulnerable and everyone else seemed to notice it as well.

But now there’s this guy. He would save me a seat on every bus we’d ever get on, he drives me around whenever I ask him to and he keeps texting me, telling me that he just thought of me and wished I’d be with him right now. And god is he wholesome.

And god do I hate myself for not falling in love with him.

I realized that it got better when I finally found the courage to put my phone on silent over night for the first time

Not waiting for your usual 3am call anymore, like the ones I always got when we were still together

I’ll realize that I’m even better when I’ll get to sleep trough my first night without waking up, checking whether you called or not

I’m still proud of myself

One day, I’ll be able to be even prouder

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Karma will handle it for me

You keep switching between me and her.

You selfish prick.

Try thinking about others for once.

We’re humans as well and your behavior towards us is nothing but inhumane.

Go fuck yourself.

I still peak out the window whenever a car stops in front of our house

Hoping it’s you,

Knowing it’s not.

I’m still learning to get over you,

Because life has more in store for me than waiting for your apology.

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

And maybe you’ll never quite understand what you did to me

And maybe I’ll have to live with that

And maybe...just maybe,

That will be okay

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Sweet dreams

I’m laying here, awake. It’s the middle of the night and I don’t know how but I thought I heard your voice and so I woke up. Now I’m laying here, thinking. I don’t even know what it is about you, my heart loves so much. You’re great, but I don’t see why my heart thinks it’s okay to get broken day by day, instead of just letting go. I’m laying here, dreaming. Not of anything that has happened, but of everything that could still occur. Anything good, nothing of the bad stuff has a place in my dreams. At least not in the ones I’m dreaming when I’m awake. I’m awake, thinking and dreaming. I guess you’re asleep not dreaming about anything particular and when you wake up, your mind is clear. Maybe one day you’ll wake up and notice everything I’ve done for you and what you ignorant prick have put me through. But until then, sweet dreams L.